My Dreams
Dream One

I am traveling with my family to Paris
with my father, brother Paul, sister
and other brother Richard (I think,
although he may not be born yet).
We are in the Netherlands, Ghent (I
think) and on the plane, as we are
unloading to catch another plane, I
all of a sudden realize that Mom
isn't  with us...this is reminiscent of
“Home Alone”. I look around for
Mom and I believe my father then
tells me that she died. I am
completely devastated and run out
of the plane in tears. Later on, I
realize that I must go back to the
plane and take my bags off and get
into the other plane. I have
wandered away from the airport and
am now lost, but find my way into
the airport and start going into one
plane but realize that this is not the
right plane. There are stewardess
sitting down in a “mock plane”
attending a class. They are dressed
in powder-blue and white uniforms.  
I ask one of  the stewardesses to
help me. She asks me where I am
flying to. I hesitate because I’m not
sure, then realize that it must be
Paris.
She must unlock a panel and take a
few items out (clothes) to get to the
plane schedule. When she does,
she points into the direction of
where the plane is that I must take. I
run and run and somehow get out of
the airport again and find myself
wandering in a part of town where
people are playing in a field a kind
of a game with a ball. They are
young men with slicked down hair,
like a goo of black oil covering their
hair. I motion to one of the players
with my hands to show a plane
taking off and shrug my shoulders in
a way that I hope he understands
that I am asking for the direction to
the airport. He points one way and I
take off in that direction. I am
desperate at this stage because I
fear that my plane has probably
taken off by now. I continue to
wander the streets and find myself
(perhaps) on a beach.... I wake up
from my dream...

Dream Two
In this dream, I remember basically
just the end of it. We are in a setting
where I believe kids are there to
learn how to paint. I think John Davis’
s boy Matthew is there. He is very
fussy and I believe he is looking for
his blanket (security blanket?). It
cannot be found anywhere and
nobody, especially Matthew want to
cooperate and start painting. All of a
sudden, John Davis appears in one
corner of the room, with the blanket
draped across his body...and that’s
it,  JUST THE BLANKET. John is
naked with the blanket across his
chest, his penis erected and his
look one of pride. He is not as
heavy as he is now, in fact, he is
quite attractive. That is all I
remember from this dream

DREAM Three

I am in a building where perhaps I
am a teacher and there are
students and there is some sort of
contest whereby students give
books to their favorite teacher. I am
aware that some students have
given me their choice of books and
when the time comes, at the end of
the day, perhaps, to claim the
books, I go all around the room,
looking for my books. The names of
the contestants (teachers?) are on
cards, papers, anything to write on,
placed everywhere around the
room, on chairs, dressers, lamps,
anything you can put a card on, but
when I start looking for my name
“Ray”, I cannot find it anywhere. I
start asking the students who are
placing the books by the
corresponding teacher’s name:
“Where’s my name?”, but I cannot
find it anywhere. I am very upset,
because I know some of the books I
won were good books, but I’m
concerned that my name is not
placed anywhere. I keep on looking
for my name. In this particular
dream, there is another element
and I don’t know if it is in a separate
dream or related to the “Book
Dream”. There is gossip going
among the staff and students about
a relationship that I have with one of
the students. It is not anything
sexual, but this girl has a crush on
me and she is always around me, to
the point that people are gossiping
about she and I. At one point, she is
walking past me, tears in her eyes,
and when I ask her what’s wrong,
she responds: “Nobody gave me a
book”. Perhaps she is a teacher
rather than a student since she didn’
t receive books.

DREAM Four

Today, Sat. July 21, 2007, I took a
nap in the afternoon, about 4:15
PM. I usually don’t nap and haven’t
been able to do this for many years,
but since I have retired, I sometimes
lay down and actually drift off to
sleep and dream. My dream today,
was at home and I was sitting
outside on the front porch. I leaned
my chair way back and I think I
started slipping back. I knew there
was somebody on the other side of
the street, and they had visitors I
think, but they didn't  notice me
nearly falling back. I think I fell
asleep, but then I was awaken by
someone in the house calling out a
name and I could hear pitter patter
on the kitchen floor and dining
room. When I came in the house, I
saw John throwing a rubber toy and
playing with the dog. He was clean-
shaven, young-looking, similar to
the photo of he and I in Sausalito. I
hugged him and said something to
the effect that “I missed you!”. I felt
so good inside, then I woke up. I
miss him very much. It seemed like
we were together and life was
perfect again. I had my John back. I
felt so good inside. I have to be
careful and not overreact  at his
recent contact

DREAM  Five

On Thursday evening, August 30,
2007, I had the most incredible
dream...a very frustrating dream. It
seems like everything I tried to do in
the dream led to a frustrating result.
I don’t remember all the episodes in
my dream, but the one I do
remember which occurred just
before I woke up is that I had to go
to the toilet and somebody pointed
out the way, pointing to a door. But,
the result of my search for a toilet
was not to be believed. Upon
opening the door, I saw darkness
and a ladder going down, similarly
to the small ladders you see in a
drain. I went down the ladder, but as
I went down, I had to negotiate
obstacles that seem to be sticking
up in the air, away from the wall,
and as I went down the ladder, I had
to move the obstacles, which
seemed like sharp sticks, away from
my body, face, chest, etc. I started
to think that this was not worth the
effort and that perhaps somebody
was playing a joke on me, and I
decided to head back up...then I
woke up.

DREAM  Six

In this dream on Friday August 31,
2007, I dream I am a handsome
Jewish boy, about 24, living on a
beautiful farm in Germany (I think).
The opening scene is on a high
platform, perhaps a very high silo. I
am the boy, overlooking this wide
expanse which is the farm that my
parents own.  I can see the big
piece of land, reds and browns,
bordered by trees, and in the corner
of this piece of land stands our
home, a white and black farmhouse.
I believe I am talking to my father,
who has to leave. Now I have to get
down from this height, possibly 60 to
80 feet high, and there is someone
waiting below, because I can see
myself up on the platform from
below. Anyway, how do I get down?
Very simple, I let myself down by a
rope, as climbers do. The exact
method is not clear. Later on, I am
walking around the grounds, then in
the house, and I have been looking
for a camera outfit which I found,
and am carrying it. I think my father
has been looking for it. Then I see
myself in a small group, perhaps
farm workers, and I am wearing my
little yamulke, Jewish cap, and it is
kind of in the form of a little 2 inch
candle holder on  top of the middle
of my head. I then wake up...

DREAM  Seven

I dreamt on October 15th, at about
8:00 AM that I am in a department
store, in the furniture section, and I
think it is in the bed and other
furniture section. I see a package of
cookies on a bed, on the top part of
the bed which is pushed up against
the wall. There are other beds in the
room. A young man, dressed in a
suit, about 24 or 25 approaches me
and asks if he can help me. He is
red-faced, a little “puggy, but
handsome, round faced and
beautiful skin. I ask him if I could
have one or two of the cookies
because I am pretty sure they are
for the customers. He answers: “I’m
sorry, but that was for customers if
they came in before 11:00 AM. I
proceed to ask him again, but he
says he can’t. I get upset and
explain that I have been a customer
at this store for years and he can’t
even give me one of those stale
cookies. The next part is a little
vague in my mind, but I start calling
him names and as I’m walking away,
I notice he furtively  gives me the
finger, but by that stage, I have
called him names and I remember
saying “You stupid pig”. Just before
waking up, I believe he has reported
me, and I am feeling very sorry for
what I did and apologetic.

DREAM  Eight

On Jan. 8th, I had two dreams that
were quite vivid. In one dream, I
have driven to a garage to have
some work done on my car. I have a
passenger...I think it is my sister
Doris. When I arrive, I suddenly
discover something very odd and
incredible. I have driven a ways to
the garage ON ONLY TWO TIRES!
They are on each side of the
vehicle, one in the driver’s front and
the other in the passenger’s back
right side. I marvel at how I was able
to drive the car on only two tires.
(only in a dream of course). The
mechanic, a fat man who reminds
me of a past teacher/brother of the
Sacred Heart, Brother Norbert,
realizes and admits that the garage
forgot to put on tires I bought last
time I was here. He shows me the
papers and they proceed to install
the tires on the empty wheel rims.
Then I wake up.

In this second dream on the same
day (early morning), I dream that I
come home with a colleague from
work, a very nice-looking sexy man.
I have plans to have a nice evening.
But when I get home, there is a host
of people that come to the house.
They are all here on business...

DREAM  Eight (continued)

The group is here to discuss a case
involving a young girl that was hurt
on the property when a limb from a
tree fell on her. I am quite annoyed
at this inconvenience, because I did
not even own the property at the
time. They should sue the previous
owner since this happened when he
still owned the property and before I
purchased it. Meanwhile, I ask my
very handsome friend to go into
town to get some gin and vodka
(interesting...I never drink at home).
Before he leaves, we notice my
neighbor across the street in his
bedroom window, and he looks out
and says “Hello” and it is one of my
colleagues from the last school I
taught at...a man with a raspy voice,
from Maine, who had a few
marriages and divorces with Asian
women. When I go back to the
sitting room where a whole group of
people, the girl who got hurt, her
lawyer, friends and witnesses, are
sitting around the table waiting to
drill me, I first pass through the
dining room and I am incensed to
see that there are diners there
waiting to eat and the man I talk to,
the waiter, says that the sign
outside says this is a restaurant. I
scream at him and tell everybody to
leave my home. Then I wake up.

DREAM  Nine

I took a nap from 10:03 PM to about
11:00 PM, just before I watched my
regular programs of “Murder She
Wrote”, two episodes, running from
11:00 PM to 1:00 AM. In that short
period of time, I had a very sad
dream. I dreamt that I was at home
and my Mom and Doris were there.
We got to talking about my room
being taken over by my mother...I
think my Mom and Dad were having
difficulties and she wanted to sleep
in a separate bedroom from my
Dad. Anyway, what I remember
vividly is my Mom being extremely
upset at me. She started yelling,
shouting at me, and even started
beating her fists on me as I curled
up on the sofa into a ball to cushion
her blows. It was so pathetic and
sad. She wasn't  hurting me, just so
angry and beating her fists against
me. I remember Doris being there. I
didn't  come out of my curled up
position, but I could hear her still
angry, shouting, and every now and
then, she’d come by and hit me
again and again. I started crying
and when I finally looked up, she
was still crying and so sad. I
remember taking her in my arms, on
the sofa, and caressing her face
and head and joking with her. She
had by this time calmed herself and
Doris was there to lend support. It
was kind of a sad dream.

DREAM  Ten

I took a nap today after tennis, from
about 2:30 to 3:05 and had a rather
strange dream. I write down my
dreams, not all of them, but those
that I remember pretty well, and
usually of a strange nature. I dreamt
that I had moved into an apartment
after getting a job somewhere. I don’
t remember exactly where it was. I
remember talking on the phone on
the first day, trying to get an
appointment with, I believe, a new
doctor. All of a sudden, while I was
speaking to the nurse (office
worker) about getting an
appointment with the doctor, there
was a lot of commotion at my door
and when I went to the door, it was
partially open, and there were a lot
of kids outside making noise and
they were all Hispanics. I looked out,
gave the kids and a few adults, a
look, then closed the door and went
back to my talk with the nurse. I
remember distinctly closing the door
shut, but then after a few more
minutes, the door opened again and
this time, adults were coming into
my apartment. I “escorted” them out
of the door, out of my apartment,
and I locked the door. I tried to go
back to my attempt to make an
appointment with the doctor’s office,
but again, the door was opened and
more people came in. I told them to
stay out of my room, but they acted
like they didn’t  understand me. This
(Dream Ten...continued)
went on for a good hour, whereby I
tried to talk on the phone but was
constantly interrupted by people
coming into my room. A young girl
came in, not Hispanic, but
Caucasian like me, and proceeded
to make herself at home in my
apartment. When I asked her to
leave, she just looked at me and
wouldn't  budge. I told her: “What
are you doing here...this is my
apartment. Why are people coming
into my apartment?” I don’t
remember what she said, but she
seemed insenced at my telling her
to leave. She went into my
apartment further in and I think went
to the kitchen. Some of the adults
were watching my television and just
wouldn’t leave. Finally a tall young
man came in with his wife (I think)
and I approached him and asked
him: “Why are people doing this to
me? Why are they coming in and
staying here, in my apartment with
no invitation?” He felt sorry and his
explanation was very strange. He
basically said that that was the way
it was here. It seemed to be the
custom for people to just wander in
other people’s apartments. I think
he suggested that I should probably
find another place because this is
the way it was here. I think he said
that he eventually got people to stay
out of his place. Then a Latino
came in and when I tried to get him
to leave, he became a little
aggressive and even stepped on my
toes with both feet. I was at a loss
for what I should do next...then I
woke up.

DREAM  Eleven

In this dream on Sunday morning,
August 3rd, I dream at first that I am
driving in a parking lot, but it seems
I am pushing a cart in the lot and I
find a good place to “park” so that I
can have an easy exit after the
show (I’m not sure what I’m there
for, but I can see the lot and all the
carts vividly in my mind). After
parking my cart, I suddently realize
that I was pushing somebody else’s
cart and I notice my cart parked at
another location in the parking lot,
so I immediately switch the two
carts, and now my cart is facing an
exit so I can easily get out. Strange...
Then I am going into a fairgrounds
with my sister Doris and my brother
Paul. They are walking a bit in front
of me, so I have to rush. I think I am
a little bit behind because I had to
park the cart. Where’s the car? We
walk into an open shop (it’s a fair,
so the shops are mostly outside
under a blue sky...sort of like the
Saturday and Sunday outside fair in
Palm Springs that I have been too
on occasion). As I enter his tent, an
artifact, a vase I think, comes rolling
towards me on the floor (was it
grass?), and I swing at it with a club
(I’m not sure what kind of club, not
even sure it’s a golf club) and knock
it across the room. The owner
comes towards me, glaring, and I
apologize profusedly and he says
something like: “It’s OK”. Well Doris,
Paul and I shop around a little and
we decide to go on, but I am behind
because I am looking at an item and
it’s like in a box with different parts
to it, and I have to put each piece
away in a box. Meanwhile Doris and
Paul have left the shop and are
walking a little ahead of me. Before I
leave, I ask the owner if he needs
anybody to work. I tell him I’m
looking for a part time job to
supplement my income. He says
“No” and I leave the shop. There
are about 3 or 4 paths throughout
the fair area and I don’t see Paul
and Doris, but the owner points out
the way that he saw them going on
and I thank him and rush down the
path looking for them. As I go down
the path I notice that most shops
have closed down, or the owners
have completely vacated their
assigned areas. I am now
quickening my pace looking to catch
up to Paul and Doris. Suddenly I
come to an area at the end of the
shops where there are a lot of
people walking around small hills
and fields, and further down, I can
see hilltops overlooking what I think
is the ocean. In the distance, I see
Doris waving to me, so I head
towards her. As I approach, Paul is
coming down the hill, and they both
head towards me. We meet sort of
halfway and continue to walk
together in a field which is also a
little hilly. Every now and then I see
a large club on the ground, about 6
to 7 feet long and I notice that
people are picking them up and
every now and then, hit spherules
that are on the ground. I pick one
up and a lady next to me is trying to
hit one of these little balls, so I help
her and hit it with my club. Then
Paul says that we should head
back, but I object saying that I haven’
t seen the ocean and we turn
around and head towards the hills
overlooking the ocean. I think I can
hear the surf as we get closer,
then...I wake up. At this stage, I
think I got a call on my cell phone
which is next to my bed. I place it
there every night to charge it. It
rings twice, I pick it up and listen,
but there is nobody  on the line and
no message. I think it is my sister
and I want to call her back because
she is having problems at home with
Ronnie. I decide to call her in a bit
and lie back down. I sleep for
another 2 hours or so and wake up.

DREAM  Twelve

It is difficult remembering a dream
upon awakening. Very often, the
dream is so vivid when you are
actually dreaming it, but when you
awake, unless you write it down
immediately (and even then, it may
be “fragmented”), it becomes
“disjointed and fragmented”. I’m
going to set down my dream now
and not go on philosophying,
otherwise, I will forget more and
more.
This dream is in two parts and I don’
t know whether or not they are
related. In the first part of my dream,
I am I believe in the bathtub,
soaking like I like to do at times,
then I hear scuffling and strange
noises going on in the other room.
This seems to be a strange house,
not the one I am living in now. When
I get out of the tub and walk into the
living room...there on the floor is a
little puppy, playing with something
on the floor. I can’t remember what it
is, but I can picture the puppy. At
this time, I am going to try and find a
picture of the puppy:
This is pretty much the
“kind” of puppy I saw
there on my living room
floor. It is not quite the
same type of puppy, but
similar to the one I saw. (The photo
of the kind of dog I saw is below
here:













At first I was surprised to see this
animal in my house but then I
noticed that the door to the living
room (this must have been a
different house because my home
does not have a door leading to the
living room.). I closed the door and
assumed that someone had opened
my door while I was bathing and let
the puppy in. I approached him and
I was tempted to put him back out,
but felt sorry for him and as I
approached him, I noticed that he
was full of fleas. I thought of bathing
him thoroughly to try and rid him of
the fleas, but...then I woke up. I don’
t know what the significance of this
dream is except to say that I often
think of adopting a couple of dogs
from the pound. I miss my dogs that
I gave up to the pound years ago.

Next dream probably occurred after
I got up to go to the bathroom, then
went back to sleep. I am working
downtown in an office and I am
brand new at the job. Perhaps this
dream has happened due to the
fact that I have applied to substitute
teach and may be called this coming
week to work. This job that I am at,
however, has nothing to do with
teaching. What I remember about
the dream is that I am new and
trying to learn the “ropes” and lunch
time comes along, and all of a
sudden, I am alone in the office, and
I find myself in a room with bunk
beds and a few executives come in,  
one by one, to  take a nap and I
make my apologies as they
undress, one by one, and get in the
separate cots to take a noontime
nap. Then I have to leave this large
room (I can still picture it with the
three men, in bed talking to each
other about finances, etc.
I then am in another room and I
have to iron my clothes perhaps...I’
m not sure, but I do know that I am
without clothes on, perhaps only
shorts, when the office girls start to
come in one by one, and I have to
hide in the closet. What a
predicament! If they see me without
clothes on, it would be unbearable.
Then, the last thing I remember is
trying to get my shoes on. I just can’
t seem to slip them on...they are too
tight....I wake up.

DREAM  Thirteen

I am in a building with a long
corridor with benches on one side,
perhaps it is a library, because as I
am writing this now, even though I
have awaken from the dream, I still
have fairly vivid scenes from the
whole dream. Anyway, I have been
told that another person, a young
lady that I seemed to have gotten
along well when I was here last, will
be joining me, according to what the
“librarian” says. I have a feeling now
that perhaps this is a place for
writers to meet and share their
writings and experiences. I am
laying down on this bench, reading
and I think I am nibbling on
something, and I am sharing with
another person, sharing my work,
my written work, that is. Then, the
librarian comes over and tells me
that I must move my car because I
am blocking someone. I can’t
imagine this because when I parked
my car, there were nobody around
and no way I could be blocking
anyone. I rush to where I parked my
car, at first, having some difficulty
remembering the location. Of
course, my sense of direction is
such that this is no surprise, but
anyway, I digress...I remember
parking between a building and an
old chainlink fence, partially down
and the ground is overgrown with
weeds. When I get to the car, I
noticed that next to my car is the
gate and through the gate, I can
see a “drive” overrun with grass,
weeds, and it hardly seems used,
but I suppose I must be blocking
someone coming up that drive. I
didn’t even think that somebody
lived in that area. Suddenly,
someone taps me on my shoulder
as I am standing there trying to
figure out how to back up my car
and looking over the fence. It is a
lady, dressed in a warm long coat,
black and gray in color, with brown
threads throughtout, and the lady
looks familiar. As I am standing
there, looking at her, I gasp in
surprise and say “Penny...Penny
Lake”. She doesn’t seem to
recognize me a t first, but then
eventually recognizes me.  Penny
Lake taught with me at Mount
Vernon, my first school I taught at
when I came to Los Angeles. I
remember her as Penny Lake, but
she became Penny Gwin after
marrying Jim Gwin who also taught
at the same school. I gasped, not
only at recognizing  and meeting her
after so many years, but especially
at the fact that she looks so young
and beautiful. She has her hair
longer that what I remember her
having, and although she must be
around my age, in her 60’s, she
looks like she could be in her 40’s.
We chat a little, then I realize I must
move my car. “You live down there”,
I said. “Yes”. I don’t see the house
from the spot I’m at. I figure it must
be hidden below, at the end of the
drive which meanders from the spot
we are in down to the bottom of
what looks like in a gullly. I can only
imagine the house being grand.
The next part of my dream can only
happen in a dream. I see a problem
in trying to back out and leave the
area, but I find it easier to simply
“pick up my car and move it out of
the area”. Yes, you read right,
reader; I picked up my car and
walked with it under my arm out of
the area I was parked in. Well, after
all, it is a Prius!
That is pretty much the end of my
story. I can still see myself, lugging
my blue Prius under my arm, seeing
Penny Lake (Gwin) as clear as can
be, and having this simple
wonderfully fantastic dream.

DREAM  Fourteen

Today, May 11, 2009, I lay down for
a nap after my tennis game in the
morning and lunch and had a
dream. It was about 1:30. I rarely
nap and if I do, it is not for long.
This nap lasted about 2 hours which
is very unusual. In my nap, I am with
two people on a trip. I am with a
female and a male. The female
might have been with my sister
since I often dream with her in my
dream. The other traveler is Randy
across the street. I don’t like Randy
too much. We don’t talk because of
an incident that happened. I
complained because he was parking
his van in front of my house at one
time. He wasn't  blocking me as
many people have done in the past,
blocking me from coming out of my
driveway onto the street. We are
somewhere and I am picking them
up after they finished talking with
someone. As I pull up to the curb,
my car is acting funny and although
I am pressing on the brake with my
foot, the car is not responding well. I
pull up and my car  is sort of
swaying right and left. Once they
get it, I proceed to have them get in,
then I pull forward, and the car is
slowly moving, as if the brake is on. I
check the brake, but it is not on
(foot brake or emergency brake that
is), and I am struggling to move the
car forward. I barely make it to a
very precarious intersection, and
when I finally get it across the
intersection, I have to pull over and
Randy says he will check to see
what’s wrong. All the time, I am
aware of his presence and therefore
very nervous. I wake up. As I write
this dream, I am aware of another
part of the dream that is on my
mind. I don’t think it had anything to
do with the incident above, however
it occurred before the dream
segment above. In this part of my
dream, I am also going on  a trip,
then I end up in a sort of shelter
where I have left my sleeping bag
and some other equipment and I
stop over briefly before I continue
on my journey. The shelter is hard
to describe except to say that is
likened to the shelter offered by an
overpass on a major road
somewhere. In the shelter there is a
woman and something happens and
I give her an embrace. Perhaps it is
due to something that has
happened for which I am grateful,
and I have her to thank for it. The
vivid part of the dream is our
embrace. It is a hug, then a kiss on
the cheek, and a moment where I
wonder if I should kiss her on the
lips because I feel at that moment
arousal. She is a pretty woman. The
rest after that is kind of vague
except for the fact that she is on the
way to meet someone, a man whose
picture she shows me and she is
anxious to meet this man. I am at
that point a bit embarrassed and
then.....that is all I remember.

DREAM  Fifteen

Today, June 29, 2009, I dreamt that
I was at a skating rink and one of
the workers mentions that I am
skating erratically and calls to my
attention the fact that my skates
need sharpening. I ask him for the
price for the sharpening and he
replies: “40 bucks for a fast job and
75 for a more detailed job.”
Well at the time, I can’t afford to pay
for the sharpening and I tell him that
I will consider this next time and I
then continue skating. But, as hard
as I try, I cannot go to the right,
toward the rink boards, but rather, I
seem to lean toward the middle of
the rink, toward the left.
After a while, and feeling frustrated,
I get off the skating rink, take off my
skates, and head home.
On the way home, I see the worker
who suggested that I sharpen my
skates, but he looks really different...
in fact, he is in drag, wearing a
horrible-looking dress, and terrible
make-up. Then I say “Oh, I know
you.” Then we exchange greetings
and then I go on my way.
In another part of the dream, which
seems to be unrelated to the above,
I come across what looks like doors
to mines, several doors, and when I
open one, I see people in the dark
moving out of the light, and this
happens with other doors I open.
Then I wake up...

DREAM  Sixteen

Today is July 2nd, 2009 and I had a
dream last night where I am on an
island and I want to buy some gum
at one of the stores on the island,
but they don’t sell it and I go from
store to store and find out that only
one store carries gum, but the man
who owns the store does not want to
sell me any gum. (Strange dream,
huh?). Eventually, I lodge a
complaint and sue this young man
who refuses to sell me some gum. I
have a daughter in this dream and
this young  man loves my daughter.
He is also a very intelligent man. (I
must have been tired when I woke
up and recorded part of this dream
because I say at the end of the
dream that “I will continue this
dream later”. Unfortunately, I never
did continue and one wonders if I
settled the matter in this dream.
“Settling” the matter is probably not
the right term to use. Perhaps it is
like the old saying: “If you are falling
in  a dream and you reach the end,
then that is the end of the dream as
well as your life.” I think I have heard
this before. At this point in my life, I
am interested in only recording my
dreams and not interpreting them. I
believe only a Native American
Shaman could do that, or at least, I
would rather they interpret my
dream than anybody else).

DREAM  Seventeen

In this dream, I dreamt on July 12,
2009, I am on a mission with three
other people. I don’t know is we are
on a mission for the Government or
another agency, but right now, the
Government seems feasible. At one
point, we are climbing up a slope,
but on a bridge. The walk on the
bridge starts off on a flat plane, but
as we continue on the bridge, the
structure starts to slope up and up,
to a point where we are going up a
90 degree incline, (how with
ropes...? - the dream does not
provide that answer), and just as we
reach the top to get on the other
side, two of us fall, but we are
clinging to the side of the bridge on
what seems to be rigid cloths. I don’t
know who it is that falls and is
clinging to the side of the bridge...is
it me and another, or the other
two...? I’m not sure about that. Well,
on with the dream. At this time, I turn
to my friend and ask him: “Should
we tell the captain about the other
two, what happened to them?” At
this point, I guess we are dealing
with the military, and all of a sudden,
the characters in this story have
gone from 3 to 4. This is where we
are at now, two of us clinging to the
bridge and we are concerned about
telling the captain about the fate of
the other two, but the main concern
at this time is “How much longer can
we hold on here before we fall...?”
Below us is nothing but space,
space and the mountains below, far
below us. I turn to my comrade and
ask him if we should tell the captain
about our predicament and then
maybe he can send a jet to pick us
up, in mid-air. This is such a strange
dream...that’s it.


DREAM  Eighteen

This is the dream I had on July 14th,
2009, Bastille Day. I am a tutor and I’
m not sure where I am tutoring,
perhaps a school. I am asked to
tutor a young woman named Emma.
I can remember the name clearly. I
am also asked to go and tutor a
young man who lives far far away,
out of my way. I am asked to tutor
these two on the same day. Emma, I
believe, works at the same facility
that I do. Things tend to get a little
“fuzzy” at this stage, as apt to
happen very often in dreams, but
the next thing I remember in the
dream is that as I am driving home, I
notice a young lady hitchhiking and
it’s Emma. I told her that I would try
and make it to her place to tutor
her, but since she is here now, I
think to myself “Why don’t I just pick
her up and give her a ride, and
since she’s here, I can also tutor her
at her home.” That way, I can kill two
birds with one stone, so to speak.
The next scene is very strange...I
am now walking and I need to get a
car to get Emma and me going
(what happened to my car?), and as
I am walking there, I noticed a pink
little car on the side of the road. I
come up to the car and it’s really
quaint, with two seats in it, and it
may even be a convertible. I pick
the car up from the side of the road
(yes, it’s a dream) and the little car
has rust all over it. Emma also helps
me to pick it up. As Emma helps me
to pick up the car and put it on the
road, I notice that she has rust and
dirt all over her hands and face and
I laugh when I see that. The last part
of the dream is that we have put the
little car on the ride and we get in
and get ready to drive off...
How strange...in dreams, one gets
supernatural powers, I guess.
Anything’s possible.

DREAM  Nineteen

In this dream, on July 16th, this
morning, I am at a grocery store. I
am doing some shopping and Doris
is with me, my sister Doris. She is
probably visiting from home, from
Maine, or perhaps I am visiting her
in Maine. The dream does not make
the location clear. We have bought
about $23.00 in groceries (the
actual figure is still fresh in my mind)
and now I’m at the register and it’s
time to pay. At this point, Doris is no
where in sight, and I don’t have
enough money on me to pay for the
groceries. I think I have to go back
out to the car to get the money
(perhaps a checkbook?). The store
has even called Doris over the
intercom. Well, I am in the process
of writing a check when Doris finally
comes up, eating an ice cream
cone. We ask her where she’s
been, the grocery clerk and I, and
she says that she’s been on an
exercicle, doing some exercise. I
guess we’re all upset at her
because she didn’t help pay for the
groceries. It’s kind of a silly dream
isn’t it? BUT, that’s what I dreamt.

DREAM  Twenty

On July 18th, I had a dream. I am
dreaming that I am at a school,
probably teaching, and the school is
having a contest for the most
popular teacher. There were two
sections in the school, and each
teacher would go to one section,
perhaps it was a meeting hall or
auditorium, and talk to the students.
After talking to the students in this
one hall, I  wasn't  sure after that if I
were to be picked as the “Best
Teacher”. But the next segment of
the dream takes me to the cafeteria.
There must have been something
else happening in the school,
because a few of us went to eat at
the cafeteria. The other teachers
who were not at the cafeteria
probably went out to eat. This is
reminiscent of the days when I
taught and we had afternoon
meetings with the students
dismissed from school. Some of us
would stay at the school, eat in the
cafeteria or in our rooms, while
others went out in groups to eat at
local restaurants and fast food
places. As I’m standing in line, I
noticed chicken being served, nice
big pieces of chicken. I ask the
cafeteria worker for some chicken,
to which she brusquely replies: “No,
this is not for you!”. Well the
chicken, it seems, was for the staff,
the cafeteria workers. I saw them
cutting big pieces of chicken for
themselves. Then, I saw some ham.
The ham did not look very good and
I don’t remember if I had any or
not.   After this,  I saw cups of apple
juice and I was thirsty for just
something like that. I asked for the
apple juice and once again came
the reply: “No, this is isn't  for you.
There’s something to drink over
there for you. I did not like being
treated like this...here is all this nice
food and drinks, but it’s all for them,
the cafeteria workers. Then, behind
me came a former teacher of mine.
(AAIIEEIGGHHG! At this point, I
screamed because I am recording
on my iphone, but I disengaged,
inadvertently, the recording...but I
did manage to get the recording
back and continue recording my
dream.) This former teacher took
the apple juice from me, the apple
juice that the cafeteria worker had
reluctantly, the smart ass, given to
me .Then, after the apple juice was
taken from me, I asked again for
some apple juice and was told that it
was not for me, but she reluctantly
again, gave me some juice. I don’t
like this man at all behind me!
(Shades of John Heinrich!!!). He
made a nasty comment and said
something like: “Oh, you’re always
complaining about something!”. I
said: “Ah Shut up before I punch
you in the nose!” Then the dream
ended there. The only possible
teacher I can think of that I would
like to punch in the nose is John
Heinrich...but that’s another story!

DREAM  Twenty-One

This dream was on July 19th, 2009.
In this dream, I am teaching as
opposed to being retired. On this
day, I rush to my classroom
because I have been out for a while,
perhaps with the flu. This is
probably at my old schools, Mount
Vernon  or Thomas Starr King. But it
could also be at the new school that
I substitute for, La Canada High
School. I sometimes have to rush to
school to find the classroom I am
going to substitute in, usually a
room hard to find since I am new at
the school. I have to go back to my
room or somewhere to find
information for the coming parade
that the kids are preparing for. I don’
t remember much after that, but this
is reminiscent of the Olympics that
we had at Mount Vernon in 1984. All
the homerooms had to choose a
country and march in the parade,
complete with competing athletes
from the homerooms. I chose
“Lichtenstein” for my Homeroom.
We made a flag and all and
participated in the parade. I don’t
remember much of the rest of the
dream, although I know I had to rush
to the field and help my kids
prepare for the parade.

DREAM  Twenty-Two

I took a nap today around 4:00PM
and I don’t usually take naps, but I
dreamt in this nap, so I must have
been sleeping. Today is the 26th of
October and in my nap I am in some
court, a King’s court I believe and
there is a contest. A little man is
sitting on the bottom step leading to
the royal thrones and he has a gem
in his navel, I believe, and three
contestants must try and hit the
navel gem. I am one of those
contestants and I have for my
“ammunnition” (get ready for this),
crackers, yes CRACKERS. I break
them in smaller pieces and the
object is to run from about 30 feet
away and throw the cracker piece
and try and dislodge the gem in the
little man’s navel. One of the other
contestants has spears, made of
very light material, probably rubber,
so as not to harm the individual.
After a few trys, I succeed in hitting
the gem squarely and knocking it
out of the navel. I am the winner.
(for the sake of time right now, I
cannot finish this dream but will
try later. I do know that my prize
is not given to me. Nobody is
around to congratulate me. This
is reflective of my feelings at
the present time which have to
do with my inability to make
friends and keep the few friends
that I have. I am kind of in a
slump right now.)

DREAM  Twenty-Three

Today is the 29th of May, 2010. It
has been months since I last
wrote about my dreams. It
seems like I dream every night,
dreams that I often forget when I
awake, but sometimes, they are
dreams that I should
immediately write down as I
awake, because I do remember
some of them, partially, or
sometimes vividly. In this dream,
I am on an island and for some
reason, a Greek isle comes to
mind. Perhaps it is Mykonos
where I have been in the past,
vacationing. I am at a house,
where I am renting a room and
the landlord is a doctor. It is a
young woman , a young doctor,
but she has to leave to pick up
her daughter and I accompany
her. I have no transportation
and for some reason, I go with
her. She goes to her clinic, and
she waits for her daughter. I
wait for her in the clinic and she
leaves and from the window, I
see her walking down the
narrow street filled with people
and I see her meet her little girl
and she picks her up, hugs her
and proceeds down the street. I
see all this from her clinic
window. She walks away and I go
out to catch up with her as she
walks with her daughter down
the street. When I get to the
street, there is nobody out, but I
proceed down the street.  As I
walk down the street, in front of
me, hovering in the air, is a
huge bird...it looks like a huge
bird reminiscent of the Chimera,
or more aptly the Griffin of
Greek lore.











It hovers in the air and seems to
come closer, menacingly, but
still at a distance, hovering ever
closer and closer. (see image on
the right). Also, on my right are
other strange birds, walking
back and forth along the path. I
fear this creature flying ahead of
me, blocking my path and am
also afraid of the other birds
now beginning to encircle me.
All of a sudden, the birds around
me disappear and the creature
that is blocking my path,
approaching me from the air,
has either gone, or in its place,
there is now a man, hovering in
the air. He is young, round-
faced, with a stubble of hair on
his chin, with no wings, but his
body is floating in the air, close
to me. I can picture his face as
clear as can be right now...
probably the most vivid part of
my dream still in my mind. He
speaks some words and behind
him, coming to his right side,  is  
another figure, almost a twin,
and he says something to the
second figure which seems to
be aggressive towards me, but
he introduces the figure as his
sister and assures me that there
is nothing to fear.
I then wake up.

DREAM  Twenty-four

I’ve always believed that writing
is a good way to feel better
about yourself, your life and
talking about it on paper, doesn’
t make you feel so much alone.
This dream is an on-going
dream...it is a waking dream, a
sort of nightmare. I have no
friends, no friends at all. Every
day, and it’s been like this for
the past 3 or 4 months, I feel so
alone. I am trying to find friends
and I cannot do it. The few
friends I have had just are not
real friends. I feel so alone. I
have everything I need, a good
home, actually, I have three
homes, comfort, and have so
much to share, but I cannot find
anyone to share it with. My
favorite sport is tennis, but I
fear I will have to give that up.
Today, I admit, I played and lost
and that is always a bummer, but
when I complained that I thought
it was unfair that Bob, one of the
tennis players, “Mr. know-it-all”,
told a friend of his that he
should play in the next court
because they needed a fourth.
When I complained that I didn’t
think that was fair and that they
should draw cards, his comment
to his friend Chris was: “You’ll
have to draw cards with the ‘guy
behind me’”. My response was:
“The guy behind you is “Ray”
and I walked off the court.
Everything goes wrong for me.
Is it me? I don’t know what to do.
I am getting more and more
discouraged, even depressed.
My life just  doesn’t  seem to  
have any meaning any more. I
am fortunate that I sleep well,
but I fear that is a problem. All I
want to do is sleep. There just
doesn’t seem to be any reason
to wake up anymore. Ed Serra is
out of my life and perhaps I have
been at fault there. I have
always found him to be so
negative, and he gambles, and I
have shared my home in the
desert with him, but I want to be
able to go there, enjoy my home,
go when I please, and not have
to cater to his needs. I had a
tenuous relationship with Larry,
my next-door neighbor and the
other day, I told him not to come
over anymore. I told him to
forget about paying back the
money he owes me. His whole
reason for any kind of contact
with me, his “friendship” is to
borrow money. I am feeling a bit
better by writing. Nobody is
going to read this, I’m sure, but I
have to express my feelings. I
am feeling very sorry for myself
at this stage of my life. Since I
retired from teaching in 2006, I
have kept myself very busy and
have enjoyed my life, but it just
seems that now, there is no
enjoyment left in my life. Today, I
got up early, went to play tennis,
but I came back early because of
the incident at the courts. Now I
don’t know what to do anymore.
I love to play tennis, but now,
hardly anybody goes to play and
the few that do are not very nice
people. I don’t do much at home
anymore....I have let my
housework go, my home is not
clean, and I have hardly any
desire to keep it clean. Why
should I when nobody ever
comes here, except my piano
teacher. Now I have said many
negative things...let me try and
enumerate the positive things in
my life. I am learning how to play
the piano...I MUST CONTINUE
WITH THIS...PRACTICE AND
MORE PRACTICE if I am to be
anywhere good at it. Besides, I
am paying for piano lessons. I
must concentrate on this and
see this as a positive aspect in  
my life. In fact, today, I will clean
house and focus on my piano
practice. I have met a man
named Bill and had dinner with
him the other day...I really would
like to see him again and have
dinner. I enjoyed my first
meeting. This will not develop
into anything, since I am HIV and
I know that once I tell him, it will
end any kind of relationship with
him. The most I can hope for is
some kind of friendship, but it is
hard to be hopeful about that,
when I reflect on my past
attempts at relationships. Once I
tell anyone that I have the virus,
it scares them away. Tomorrow,
another positive occurrence is a
dinner invitation to Bill’s house,
through Phil. We had a falling
out a while back, and I don’t
want to dwell on the negative
aspect, but rather the positive.
Phil went out of his way to invite
me to the dinner, although, Bill
is the one that invited me, but
the positive aspect is still there.
I feel much better, having talked
about this. I don’t know if
anybody out there is listening,
but I still feel good about myself.
I think I will concentrate on the
good things that I enjoy, I must,
because this is a very difficult
time in  my life right now.
Another positive occurrence in
my life right now is my trip to
Maine. I really don’t want to go. I
feel Doris has tricked me into
going, spending money, for
what...for my older brother Paul’
s 70th. I have seen as a
negative, but I must think of the
positive aspect. All the
negatives are: going through
the uninteresting and tedious
process of flying, the money
spent on the trip, the reason for
the trip. The positives: going
away for a change, seeing my
siblings, and perhaps visiting
my home and a “promised trip”
to an Amish community with
Doris. Doris is doing better right
now because she has met
someone and she has gone
through a lot of trouble to
celebrate Paul’s birthday, and I
want to share in this. After this
trip, I will not be going to Maine
for a very long time. I will make
the best of this trip. I am
enjoying my cup of coffee right
now and am feeling a lot better
about myself. It has been very
much worthwhile sitting down at
my computer and writing about
my “depression”. It has made
me feel much better. My plans
for today are: to clean house,
start cleaning the back room,
maybe do a little reading later,
and PRACTICE, PRACTICE,
PRACTICE on the piano. I’m also
looking forward to picking up my
watch at “La Memoire” later on
today. I am hopeful that he will
find a watchband my watch, my
Marea that I bought in Mykonos
on my cruise in October of 2008.
I am very hopeful that the
watchmaker will find a band for
my watch. I will call him at about
1:45 PM, hold my breath, think
positive thoughts, and hopefully
pick up my watch today, with a
band. He said he could not
replace the crystal, but at least I
will have my watch back.
“Oh Lord, I thank you for
listening to me. I am going
through a rough time in my life
right now, but you have made
me feel much better. I must
continue to survive, feel good
about myself, and enjoy life, the
days, months, years, I have left
on this earth. Thank you Lord.”
My day has been so much better
since I sat down and had a talk
with you, Lord. I did a few things
today that were good. I watered
the front yard, I got my watch
back with a new band, and I
washed my car. It is now 9:00 AM
and I feel much better. I will now
sit down and practice on the
piano. I feel so much better.

DREAM Twenty-five
I had a nice evening and slept
well. I woke up refreshed and
ready for another day. I had a
dream where I am driving home
from somewhere, I know not
where, but in my dream, I
believe Ed is also driving home
in his own vehicle. At one point,
he goes off the main road
(freeway) and takes a small side
road heading up the mountain. I
am not sure where he is going,
but I continue on my way home,
then a while later, he calls me to
tell me that he is stranded in
snow. I turn around and follow
his trail to see what the trouble
is.
In the next scene, I find him
stranded, then jump forward
quite a few miles and to our
alternate destination...a small
cabin up on the mountain. I own
this cabin and the first thing I
notice is that there is a huge
leak into an area of the house
(perhaps the kitchen?). I think
the water is coming from a glass-
domed roof. There are other
people there, a couple and a
young child. Everybody seems
protective of the child. My
question at this point is: “Where
did Ed find out about my little
cabin in the woods up the
mountain? And why is he here? I
can only assume it is because of
his curious temperament. He
has no business being there,
but....it is Ed isn’t it? I then wake
up. That is all I remember of the
dream.I am still feeling positive
today, after the terrible
beginning of the day yesterday,
June 30th, 2010. Today is Thurs.
July 1st. I have a few activities
planned and a few
appointments. I will go to the
optometrist this afternoon to
choose my new glasses, which
is a positive. I am also going to a
dinner where I was invited by
Bill Bliss, a man I met at my
piano teacher’s party last
Sunday. Supposedly, Phil gave
Bill his phone number and Bill
invited him to dinner, but made
sure to tell Phil to invite me. I
have the funny feeling that
somehow, Phil “wrangled his
way” into the invitation. But I
should not feel this way. It is a
nice gesture. Something that is
keeping me happy is that I have
my watch on with my new
watchband. I paid $25.00 for the
band which I think is a bit much,
but that’s OK...at least I can wear
my favorite watch again. It is a
watch with the brand name
“Marea” which I purchased in
Mykonos when I went there as
part of a cruise in
October of 2008. It needs a new
crystal, but no jeweller can fix it
because the crystal is not
available here in the U.S. But I’m
still happy about it. Today is
going to be a good day. I also
want to take my motorcycle out. I
want to keep on riding it every
now and then and become a
little more confident. I don’t
want to give it up. I only go for
short “safe” trips around the
area. I also will do some house
cleaning today. Now I will have
my breakfast and get ready for
the day. Thank you, Lord, for
watching over me this evening
and today.

Dream Twenty-five...continued
Sat. July 3, 2010

I will continue to write my
thought as much as possible,
each day, because it makes me
feel much better. From now on,
though, I will head the daily
entries: “Diary (and the date).
On July 1st, I went out to dinner
at Bill and Howard’s home. They
live right here in Pasadena. Phil
was there. We had a falling out
at one time, but I think we have
renewed friendship. He also
invited me to the dinner and
also, I will be going with him to a
July 4th’s party on Sunday, the
4th. I think it is so nice that we
have kind of renewed
acquaintances and that he
invited me to this party. I went
last year and it was kind of fun.
I am feeling fairly good. I have
been suffering, however, with a
slight pressure behind my eyes.
Ever since I have had my eyes
checked, I have felt a little
pressure in that area. It’s sort of
like a “headache”, but not bad,
just pressure. I am hoping that I
can see the optometrist again,
but I have a feeling this would
cost me. Perhaps if it is a “follow-
up”, they, the Plan, may cover it.
I will call on Monday. Yesterday,
I went to pay for my glasses will I
will be getting in about 1 week. I’
m glad I will have them for my
trip to Maine. Well, compared to
my first entries regarding my
feelings, this is good, this is a
good change. If the reader
notices, my whole beginning has
been positive and I have
enumerated positive
happenings. I still should talk
about what I think   to  be  
negative (frustrating) events
that have occurred in the past 2
days. Last night, I got myself a
pizza, but I wasn't  feeling too
good. I had a fever of about 102,
went to bed and slept pretty well
this past evening. (I am
changing my record now. I am
listening to one of my favorites...
the 2 record set of “Fantasia”.)
The few negative items to
mention: my slight “headache”
and temperature last night,
already mentioned. This morning
I was also frustrated by the
computer again, working so
slowly and the fact that I can’t
seem to send out emails from
my Charter Account. I worked on
it this morning and hope that I
have fixed the problem. Today, I
went for a nice walk and enjoyed
the day. It is a beautiful day here
today. I am going out to “The
Other Side” tonight to meet
someone named Tony that I met
on Daddyhunt. We will have a
few drinks together. Then
tomorrow, Sunday, I am going to
a July 4th party. I am looking
forward to these two events. In
closing, I must mention another
negative thing...I have received
another daily alert from Trans-
Union indicating about 10 more
attempts at my credit. They are
all fraudulent and I have to be
constantly alert since somebody
is trying to use my personal
information in opening up
accounts, applying for credit,
cards, etc. All in all, it has been a
pretty good day so far. I must
fight to prevent little things like
frustration with the computer,
and other frustrations to get the
best of me.

Diary - Sun. July 4, 2010
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!
Well, today I woke up very late
because I had trouble sleeping
when I got to bed at about 1:
20AM. Before I came home from
the Other Side, I stopped off at
Astros and had the intention of
getting some soup or a salad...I
ended up ordering a lamb shank
dinner. It was reasonable, cost-
wise, and fairly good, but I ate
this at about 1:00AM which was a
mistake. I should never eat so
late. Anyway, I had trouble
getting to sleep and I finally did
and slept late.I had my meeting
with Tony that I met through
Silverdaddies and we had a nice
talk. It would be nice to cultivate
his friendship. I certainly need
to find and cultivate friends
right now. Tonight, I am looking
forward to Phil coming over and
our attendance at a rather
elaborate New Year’s Eve Party,
which I attended last year and
had fun. The morning is already
gone because I slept so late, but
the time that I have left, I will
spend cleaning and putting
things away. There is always
something to do at the house. In
closing for today, the positives
are: a get together with a friend
and an enjoyable 4th of July.
Also, I received a card and a
beautiful key chain from Doris,
with a beautiful humpback whale
on the key chain. One negative:
my penis is very sensitive
because I am subjecting it to
treatment to get rid of
precancerous spots. This
morning the aldara cream made
it very sensitive and bloody.  A
soak in the tub made all the
difference in the world.

Diary - Monday July 4, 2010
I slept fairly well last night. After
the 4th of July party, I went to
bed around 1:30 AM, slept fairly
well and woke up this morning
around 8:15 AM. I had my
breakfast and am writing a few
words now at about 9:50 AM. The
July 4th party was nice and I
enjoyed myself. Phil and I had
trouble getting there...PHIL HAD
THE WRONG ADDRESS! I got
frustrated trying to program my
GPS to get us there, but he didn’
t even have the right address. I
met some interesting people
there. This morning, I will
practice on the piano for a
while. I have a doctor’s
appointment at 3:00 PM. Nothing
much else to report for now, but
will probably add some more
information later on today.

Diary - Thursday July 8, 2010
I have not written for a few days
and there is much going on and
so I wanted to put down a few
words today. Well, there is still a
lot of negative occurrences
happening in my life, so I might
as well mention them first, then I’
ll dwell on the positives. I waited
today for my piano teacher to
come by and give me my lesson
and he forgot. A whole 2 or 3
hours were wasted. I will be
quitting after these next
sessions. He (Larry Evans) will
try and hold me to the lessons (I
pay him $130 for two lessons),
but I will stand firm and tell him
that I will be going to Maine and
will have to forgo lessons for
now. Besides, it is getting to be
overwhelming...with chords,
scales, etc. The next lesson will
be EXPLANATIONS. I finally got a
hold of Larry this morning after
several calls reminding him that
we had a lesson this morning.
Coincidentally, as I took my walk
this morning (positive
occurrence), he happened to
drive by and we set up another
appointment. I will stick to my
guns when he comes and tell
him not to plan any more
lessons UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
Of course, he makes his living
giving paid lessons, but I also
have my life to think of. I just
cannot afford to continue for
now. As Phil said yesterday:
“Perhaps you have enough
lessons for now and have
learned the basics and now it is
a question of putting what I
have learned into practice.
Another negative is the fact that
I have learned that my medical
plan is not cut out what I
thought it was. Anthem Blue
Cross is bogus and pays nothing
for my medical care. The District
has really cut down on benefits.
That is a big negative. But as the
Blue Cross agent advised, I will
wait until the next renewal
period in September...I may
have to switch to Kaiser. I will
(as the agent suggested) read
the choices carefully. He told me
that many people are
dissatisfied with the plan, or
lack of benefits. Another
negative that occurred is my
constant frustration with the
computer. I seems to be running
slower and slower. I need to
push myself away from it when I
start to get frustrated. Another
negative occurrence is Doris’s
doing. Today, she called and
asked me if I were bringing a gift
for Paul. At first I said I was
already paying for my trip and all
the expense involved, but then I
changed my mind and told her I
would go in half with her on a
camera that she will get for Paul.
I have told myself time and time
again that my place is here and
that I should not travel so much,
especially to Maine. I really have
nothing to look forward to there.
It’s just another expense that I
don’t need. Doris “tricked” me
into going this time. It is Paul’s
70th birthday and when she first
approached me on this, my
hesitation made her put a guilt
trip on me: “Raymond, don’t you
feel bad that you’ll be the only
member of the family not
attending?” I assumed that she
was getting everybody together,
but as it turned out, Richard and
Helena are not attending for
valid reasons. I am now
committed and all, including my
flight booked and ticket paid,
but I feel I have been “tricked”. I
don’t want to tell her how I feel,
but after this trip, I AM STICKING
TO MY GUNS! I will plan no more
trips. Another negative
occurrence is the lack of
cooperation I am getting from
my so-called property manager
in Maine, Claude Chabre. He is
really lame. I never hear from
him and then when I do, he
states that he hasn’t heard from
me. That’s a lot of ((**&**&^%!
Well, the good thing is that
apparently, he has gotten a
sheriff to move in for six months
for $700/month
As cheap as that is, Claude
assured me that the tenant
would pay for everything,
including the oil (heating), yard
work, electrical, waste, etc.
Well now for the Positives: I
went for a walk and had a nice
walk today. Also, I played tennis
yesterday and had two sets. I
didn't  do too well, but I enjoyed
myself. And, a really nice plus
was that Phil invited me over for
dinner last night. He didn't  want
me to spend my Birthday alone.
That was very nice of him. He
made beef stroganoff which was
pretty good. I brought some
champagne over and bought
some mushrooms for his
stroganoff. We had a pleasant
evening. I got there around 6:15
and left around 9:10PM. I didn't  
spend the day alone. That was
very nice of him. Well, I guess
that’s it for now. I feel a little
better talking about my day and
past few days. I will continue
tomorrow.
Lord, grant me the strength and
patience to live my days in
comfort and peace..
Diary - Saturday, July 10
Last night, I slept very well,
compared to the night before,
Friday night. I had trouble
catching my breath and did not
sleep well at all. I finally got to
sleep about 3:00 or 4:00 AM. I
was not able to wake up the
next day, Friday, to go and play
tennis. I did do some good
things during the day. I went for
a walk in the late morning,
cleaned the house a little, and
prepared my Treas. Report  for
our club’s  meeting at night, on
Friday, July 9, 2010. We always
meet on the second Friday of
every month at 6:00 PM. And so,
Friday was a good day. I did
some leisurely work, went for my
walk, bike ride, and prepared my
report. Our club, PCMC (Pacific
Coast Men’s Club) is preparing
for its annual hiking/camping
event at Black Mountain.
Unfortunately, I will not make it
this year because I am going to
Maine. That is a positive
negative since I would have
preferred to go on the camping
trip than go to Maine. Doris will
never know the sacrifice I have
made to go to Maine and
celebrate my older brother’s
70th. Even now, I regret going.
Anyway, it is done and I must go
to Maine and forgo my camping
trip that I enjoy very much. Well,
I think by the time I am closer  to
my trip to Maine, I may start
looking forward to it.
I just got off the phone to Phil
Dessert and I made a date with
him to go to The Other Side
tonight. We will go and have
dinner at the Flying Leap, the
restaurant attached to the bar.
Phil will call up later to make a
reservation and I will pick him
up at his home and we will go
there for a dinner and then stop
off at the bar for a few drinks.
Today, I will probably go for my
walk, maybe even a bike ride.
The more I ride my motorcycle,
the more confident I get. I’ll
clean up in the house a little. So
I have a few things to look
forward to. I may even get in the
spa for a soak. That’s what I’m
planning today. I may continue
later.
Diary - Sunday, July 11, 2010

I had trouble sleeping last
night...couldn’t catch my breath
which seems to be a common
occurrence lately. I don’t know if
this has anything to do with
stress or perhaps it has to do
with eating certain foods,
sometimes late at night. This is a
negative that I have to put up
with now and then. It seems to
go in stages. I will go a month or
more without any major problem
sleeping at night. As long as I
catch my breath with a good
inhalation, I drop off to sleep
fairly easy, but otherwise, if I
have to struggle for air, it makes
it very difficult for me to sleep. I
finally got to sleep late and I of
course woke up very late. I didn’
t even go to Mass today, but just
stayed home and watched TV.
There is a Lucy Marathon on and
I watched a few episodes and
laughed. I had breakfast, a
banana and later for lunch, Phil’
s upside-down pineapple cake
(yuck, that should not have
been eaten for lunch!) I think
another negative today is that I
hear my patio enclosure room
constantly making the noises
with the expansion-contraction
of the structure and the rivets, I
think are making that noise. I
don’t know if this will continue,
but I find it extremely annoying.
Whenever it warms up, it does
that. VERY ANNOYING AND
NEGATIVE! I have to lodge a
complaint with the BBB about
that. I copied all the emails I
have been sending to Claude
Chabre, which he claims he has
not received, and sent it to him
in a hard copy, I also reiterated
the fact that I will be coming up
to visit my home in July when I’m
in Maine. This is a definite
negative that I have to deal
with...Claude Chabre is really
quite hopeless as a property
manager. He does not
communicate much, does not
make much of an effort to rent
my home. I hesitate to send him
$100/month...WHAT FOR!? He
has finally found a tenant for my
home...$700 MEASLY DOLLARS
PER MONTH. I’m not very happy
about that, but the tenant will
have to pay for everything...
heating, electrical, waste, etc. I
know I am pretty negative today,
but that’s the way I feel. I haven’
t been out at all, just staying
inside and “vegetating”. I
doused the cat this morning
with a pitcher of water, got her
good. I know that is not a nice
thing to do, but she is absolutely
worthless. All she does is eat my
food and show absolutely no
affection at all. I would really
love to get rid of her. I will not
pay one penny for the Vet for
any kind of care for this
creature. She is not worth it! I
must find some positives now...I
did laugh a little today watching
Lucy, did enjoy my night out with
Phil, somewhat. The hamburger
at “The Flying Leap” was ok
(with small letters), and I guess
that is about all for now. I hope I
can get a good night’s sleep, so
I can go and play tennis
tomorrow. I do enjoy that so
much!
Lord, forgive me for not going to
visit you in your home today...
grant me peace and
contentment...”

Diary - Monday July 12, 2010
I had a good night’s sleep and
woke up early and played tennis
this morning. I played two sets
and had a good work out. After
tennis, I went to Home Depot
and received credit for pieces
of tiles that I didn’t use for my
room enclosure. I called Toyota
and made an appointment for
the recall testing, went to the
Pasadena Police Dept. and filed
a report for the identity theft
that I’m going through and I felt
much better about that. I also
finally got a call from Claude
who claims he has not been
getting any emails, but now I
made it clear to him to use my
“rayinpas” address rather than
the “cetacea” address. I also
informed him that I will be
visiting the house in July. He
said he would send me a copy of
the tenant agreement.  I also
called the LAUSD Health
Benefits Section to get some
info. I will probably change from
Blue Cross to another carrier in
September. Blue Cross sucks. I
also deposited the PCMC
checks, and called Gail and she
said they would send me a
check for the prepaid fuel not
used. All of these items are
positives. It has been a very
good day. O want to clean up the
house now and practice some
piano. Oh Lord, thank you for
making my day go so well today.
Thank you for watching over me.

Diary Wednesday July 14, 2010
BASTILLE DAY
Today was an exceptionally
good day. I woke up early, had
my coffee and went to play
tennis. I won both of my sets
today. It was very hot out on the
courts. I and my partner won, 6-3
and with another partner, we
beat our opponents 7-6 (tie-
breaker). I came home and was
working on my computer trying
to get the ipod on my iphone to
work...after syncing and after
quite a long period of time, it
finally worked again. After, I
showered and went out with Phil
for lunch. We had a pleasant
lunch. I bought a gallon of spoilt
milk back to the store and the
manager was nice enough to
replace the sour milk. I was
embarrassed though...I went to
Vons first, then the manager
pointed out the fact that the milk
came from Ralphs, not Vons. (Ha
Ha). Tonight, Richard called me
from Colorado and we had a
nice chat. All the occurrences
today were very positive...I had
a nice day.
O Lord, I thank you for keeping
me safe this day and I pray that
when I lay down to sleep, that
you watch over me and keep my
soul safe. - Amen

Diary - Thursday July 15, 2010
I went to bed around 11:45 PM
and slept pretty well. I woke up
this morning around 8:30 AM. I
had my breakfast, a banana and
strawberry shake, then went for
a walk. It is going to be another
hot day. Yesterday was very
busy, but mostly working on my
computer to sync my iphone and
try and get the ipod to work.
After several hours spent doing
this, my iphone worked and now
I have my ipod again. I didn’t
have to restore my iphone
which I hate to do. Another good
thing about today, the
optometrist called me to tell me
that my glasses were ready, and
so I made an appointment to go
and pick them up at 2:45 PM. I
think the day will be nice,
although hot. What I plan to do
today: maybe go for a bike
(motorcycle) ride, but I may not
do this because of the heat; I
will definitely vacuum my rooms
and put away laundry, papers,
etc.; I will also pay some of my
bills and call the Credit Bureau,
Transunion, and get instructions
on getting a 7 year fraud alert
placed on my file, which I can do
now that I have a police report. I
should also try and send letters
of grievance to Medicare, for
reimbursement for my doctors’
visits.
Lord, thank you for watching
over me during the night, for
keeping me safe, sane and
intact, and I thank my guardian
angel for also watching over me
- Amen

Diary - Friday July 16, 2010
I woke up early this morning and
went to play tennis and had a
very good workout. I won one
set and lost one. It was very hot
on the courts...too hot to play
more than two sets. After tennis,
I sat down with the tennis group
under the shelter, where it was
much cooler, and had a nice
chat. On my way home, I stopped
off at the Post Office and mailed
off my three packets to the
three major Credit Bureaus with
the police report, requesting a 7
year fraud alert on all Bureaus. It
cost me $18.00, but that is
because I sent the packets
certified mail. Since I’ve been
home, I’ve done very little
except some computer work. I’ll
continue this later. Oh, I just got
off the phone with Phil. We plan
to meet tomorrow for dinner and
then a stop at The Other Side.

(I have left off numbering my
dreams for a while and I have
put my entries down as part of a
diary. I continue to number my
dreams below)

DREAM twenty-six

A Dream I had on July 30th, 2010
On Friday, July 30th, 2010, I had
one of the most vivid dreams to
date. I am in a class on a military
base and I am in a dilemma
because as the class is about to
end, I don’t remember where I
parked my car. Doris is there
and I am trying to find her in the
classroom... there seems to be a
lot of people in the classroom,
but I am having trouble finding
her at first. There are many
people in the class that look  
like her. Also in the classroom is
my teacher colleague, John
Davis. I am trying to get his
attention because the class is
over and people are starting to
head home, but I still have no
idea where I have parked my
car. The only thing I seem to
remember is that a military bus
took us into the base to the
classroom. But where is my car?
As I look back now and try to
remember more, I seem to recall
that Doris is no longer in the
dream, but John Davis, my
colleague is. I am trying to get
his attention for he is very much
involved in talking to someone
and as the dream progresses,
this particular person and I end
up looking for our respective
cars and grow a little closer in
this common effort. Anyway,
John finally listens to me and I
explain to him the situation I am
in. He doesn’t seem to
comprehend the situation and
continues to talk on (John does
like to talk a lot... I know) with
fellow classmates and does not
seem to be paying attention to
me. He finally starts
to listen and realizes that I am in
a very strange and difficult
situation because I have met
him and others somewhere in
the City (I’ll talk more about this
“City” later in my writing of my
dream), where we have been
doing some work (?) and I have
no idea where I have parked my
car. All I know is that from the
work area, we made our way to a
bus stop where the military bus
took us into the base to the
classroom. At this stage of my
dream, John Davis seems to
fade away and is no longer in
the dream, but the man he was
talking to that started talking to
me and I to him is now more
prominent. He also is looking for
his car and we both have a
Prius, blue in color. Now we
come to end of my dream. Dear
Reader, and that is that this
fellow is rather attractive and I
wished the dream would have
lasted longer because I was
becoming attracted to him more
and more. In another scene in
the dream, as we are looking for
our cars, we come across a
home where in the front lawn
are many pieces of furniture and
there are little signs next to
some of the furniture, in a
foreign language. Here is one:
“Zie Voegleit”...this is probably
not the exact wording I see in
the sign in my dream, but it is
close enough. For some reason,
I think I am in a Danish Village.
Well, at this stage of my dream, I
feel I am about to find my car.
Earlier, I went through my
pockets and at first, it seemed
like I didn’t have the keys to my
car, but I found them. Now I can
see several blue Priuses parked
m the streets and....I awaken
now from my dream. That is all I
remember.

A Trip to Maine
I have not kept this diary up to
date and am writing now after
over three weeks. A lot has
happened since that time,
notably, my trip to Maine.
Departure Wed. July 21, 2010
This trip was planned to
celebrate my older brother Paul’
s 70th birthday. Doris did all the
planning. I reluctantly went,
because there were functions
here at home that I would have
preferred to attend and also...as
I get older and the world gets
“crazier”, I don’t enjoy flying as
much anymore. The flight went
well, and the trip from LAX to
Newark, NJ, flew on schedule,
and the flight from Newark to
Portland went smoothly. There is
nothing much to say about the
actual flight, except for a measly
handout of pretzels and soda.
Thurs. July 22, 2010
I got to PWM (Portland, ME
airport) on schedule and my
brother Paul showed up without
my having to wait too long and
picked me up and drove me to
Doris’s. On the way, we stopped
off at Cole Farms and had lunch.
I treated him to lunch...I had two
lobster rolls...yummmmy! In
Maine. they serve lobster rolls
in hot dog rolls. The lobster rolls
were very good: 2 for $12.00.
The ride was long, about 2 1/2
hours long. We got to Doris’s
about 3:30 and it was so nice to
see everybody again, Doris and
Angela. Paul stayed to visit &
chat for a while. Doris’s
boyfriend, Bill showed up. (very
unimpressive man. I know it was
just a first meeting, but I sensed
a feeling of homophobia from
the man...very unimpressive
man). I went to bed later, about
11:00 PM...nothing more to
recount for that day.
Friday, July 23, 2010
I got up at 8:00 AM, had
breakfast with Doris and Angela,
chatted, then in the early
afternoon, we went to to shop in
Ellsworh. On the way, down the
road from where Doris lives, we
stopped off at a shop and
visited with a sculptor, Ray, an
interesting man with 50%
Shoshone and his friend (wife or
lover...I’m not sure) and had a
long chat. His partner, a woman
named Kathy, a full-blooded
Abernaki Native American, did
some beautiful work with beads
and other stones, bracelets and
necklaces. I found out later that
she suffers from Bipolar- and is
often depressed, according to
her partner Ray. I bought a
bracelet for Angela and later
went back and bought a
matching necklace. After that,
we did some shopping and
spent the rest of the day
relaxing at Doris’s. We spent the
rest of the day catching up on a
lot of things and just enjoying
the day at the house. Doris lives
in Franklin, Maine, in a beautiful
old home (see picture below),
with
waterfront to a beautiful little
bay.













She really has a beautiful home.
Right across the street lives
Ronnie, her ex-boyfriend that
she dumped when she found
out he was surfing the internet
chatting with other women. The
sad part is that Doris has been
“jilted” and unfortunately she
lives right across the street
from the man. I’ve always liked
the man, but now of course, in
Doris’s defense, I don’t speak to
him anymore.

Saturday, July 24, 2010
Today was the big day, the day
that Doris had planned for and
the main reason I made this trip
to Maine this time - Paul, my
older brother’s 70th birthday
celebration. We left at about 10:
30 AM, because it’s a long drive
to Lewiston, Maine from
Franklin, Maine, and we wanted
to be there early enough to
spend some time with Paul and
Kathy. We told Paul that we
would take  him out to dinner,
and of course, Kathy, his wife.
We got there in plenty of time
after an enjoyable trip, spent
some time at home. Paul gave
me a pair of shorts because I
was wearing long pants and it
was kind of warm. We went to a
restaurant, called Sedgley’s, a
beautiful old style farmhouse in
a very rural area and Paul didn’t
seem to suspect anything about
his birthday surprise, except
when we got to the entrance...
we were all trying to push him
forward, in front of us, to enter
and have the guests surprise
him. Being a man, he wanted to
let the ladies first, but we got
him to go in first and....”
Surprise...Happy Birthday”. The
guests all did a fine job in
welcoming him. The dinner was
superb with a fine choice of
appetizers, entrees and
desserts. Doris planned all this,
with the much needed help of
Jackie, Paul’s eldest
stepdaughter from Paul’s
marriage with Joanne. After the
meal and gifts, some of us
headed to Jackie’s for drinks
and a great chat out by the
roaring fire. Jackie lives in this
old house, with a big back yard
and I believe Josh also lives
there, Josh, a son of Jackie’s. I
realized for the first time the
wonderful love that my brother
enjoys from his family. It was
very evident at the celebration
and at Jackie’s. I believe he has
done a lot for this family and
they all are very appreciative
and love him dearly. We were
getting ready to head back, but
a wonderful treat was in store
for us. Paul insisted that we stay
in Lewiston and booked us
rooms at the Ramada Inn. The
rooms were beautiful and
before we retired, we went to
the dance hall, and we all
danced up a storm: Paul, Kathy,
Doris, Angela, and...yes, would
you believe...ME. I am always so
nervous about getting on the
dance floor, especially as I get
older, but I loved every moment
of it. We all had fun. In the
morning, Paul and Kathy came
back and joined us for breakfast
and I was happy to pay for the
breakfast. What a beautiful
series of events I attended. I
was glad to be part of it.
(next, I will talk about Paul and
Kathy’s new dog, but I have to
find out what the breed of the
dog is and his name).
I am continuing my report on my
trip to Maine, about 2 1/2 weeks
after arriving from my trip.

Thursday, August 19, 2010
Before I go back to my trip, I will
discuss what my day has been
so far. I have been under some
stress lately involving my
“Identity Theft” situation,
spending a good deal of money
on landscaping at my home in
Pasadena, and other worrisome,
but minor events. Last night, I
stayed home and just relaxed. I  
took  a nap in my beautiful new
room on the day bed and rested
so comfortably...I lay down
around 5:15 PM, for about an
hour, then got up, fixed my
dinner, and watched a little TV,
then went to bed around 10:00
PM and slept soundly
throughout the night. It was a
much-needed rest. I woke up
this morning feeling very
refreshed, and by 7:25 AM, I was
out the door because I had an
early appointment for some
blood work for my appointment
with Jasper this coming
Tuesday. The lab techs at Quest
Diagnostics on Green St. in
Pasadena are so
accommodating and kind...they
advised me to go early on this
day, without an appointment,
and although there were about 6
people waiting, I was the first to
get my blood drawn. After my
appointment, I went to
MacDonald’s and “treated
myself” to a Macmuffin...etc.
After that, I picked up a pack of
cigarettes and went to the bank
and inquired about savings
accounts with Amy (interest-
bearing CDs). Yes, I said “picked
up a pack of cigarettes...”; I
have that bad habit which I will
talk about here at a later time.

A Trip To Maine...continued
The longer I wait to continue to
narrate my trip to Maine, the
more I forget, and so today, I will
try and remember the highlights
of the trip. My last entry was on
the 24th of July activities in
Maine...the rest of the time
spent there will be summarized
next......

Maine Trip....
July 25th to Aug. 2,     2010
The series of events for the
other days of my trip went this
way, as much as I can remember.
Doris bought some lobsters one
day, at an extremely good price,
then we went home, and I put
them in boiling water, head first,
since I was told that by doing it
that way (head first), it kills them
instantly, and so they don’t
suffer. Anyway, at one point,
Doris dropped one of the feisty
“clawing” lobsters on the floor
in a panic, and I picked it up and
put it in the kettle. Now that I
think of it, it makes me chuckle.
We had a lobster feast that
night, complete with new
potatoes and a salad.
YYYUUUMMMMM!
The next “adventures” was a
trip to the Amish Country...we
left very early, had a nice trip,
but the actual visit to the Amish
Community was a little
disappointing. I guess it is to be
expected, since they do not like
to associate with “other than
Amish”, but they are forced to in
order to sell goods to tourists.
We met one man in the
community, that did not seem to
be typically Amish, and was
trying to get our addresses,
especially mine in California,
with the intention of coming to
visit some day...even offering to
buy me dinner. I certainly did not
fall for that. No way was he
getting my address.
(Unfortunately, he was not at all
attractive...shallow as that may
sound, at least I am honest in
saying: “If he had been an
attractive man, who knows....”.  
The other trip we took, the
following day, on July 28th was
to Robbinston, to see my home.
It is always a pleasant drive
there, and Doris and I packed a
nice lunch and picnicked on the
way. When we got there, I was
happy to visit this great old
home, but sad to see that the
grounds had not been cut for a
while. As usual, as per Claude
Chabre, who is in many ways
incompetent in managing my
home, but in some ways, OK...I
was not able to get inside the
house because of lack of
communication on Chabre’s
part. He NEVER, or hardly
communicates with me. The
tenant had taken Monday and
Tuesday off to be there to let us
in...Chabre never verified this
with us...AS USUAL. So I had to
be satisfied with seeing the
property from the outside,
although, I did open the barn
door and peek in and saw my
truck there. One of these days, I’
m going to get it running again.
The highlights of the trip
include: attendance at a concert
in Gouldsboro, a concert given
by students at a very
prestigious music school in
Maine. I leave the following
space available for the name of
the school when I find out what
the name is.

The ticket was bought for me by
one of Doris’s very dear friends,
Jean. I loved the performance
and I recently sent her a “Thank
You” card for the nice gesture.
Another  highlight of  the trip
was  my very first experience
kayaking...YES...I finally did it.
Doris had been wanting to give
me a few pointers on kayaking,
and we went for a little jaunt on
the bay at the edge of her home
in Franklin. We didn’t go very
far, but at least I had my first
lesson. I enjoyed it very much.
Other events included meeting
Angela’s best friends, a family,
Serena and her two beautiful
children, blond and blue-eyed, a
girl and a boy. The husband was
not present, but I saw a photo of
him and he is very handsome.
Anyway, this is a very special
family because they love Angela
so, and vice verca.
I have recently sent Angela a
check for her car insurance. I
talked to her and found out the
amount she would need to get
the car back on the road
(insurance, registration, sticker,
etc.). What prompted me to do
this was the fact that she was
stuck at home, not able to go
out much, and by doing this
(sending her the money), she
now has mobility. As I was
talking to Serena, the thought
came to my mind, that she
(Angela)  can go and visit them
when she pleases, now that she
will get her car back on the road
again.
I also got a chance to meet
Angela’s boyfriend, a very
unfriendly young man. I was told
that he was very shy....still, he
hardly looked at me when I was
introduced to him out there by
the pit fire on Doris’s yard, near
the stream...a very
“unimpressive man”.  The sad
part of my trip occurred on the
last day when we went to
Lewiston on the way to the
airport in Portland where I was
to board the plane on August
2nd...we stopped off in Lewiston
to meet Paul (older brother) and
we went to visit my Aunt
Priscelle at CMG (Central Maine
General hospital). It was so nice
to see her and we all knew that
this was most probably the last
time we would be with her. She
was suffering from Diabetes and
her body (organs) were shutting
down. I said a prayer: “Matante,
on vous aime...we love you and
God loves you. You’ll see him
soon and you will be so happy”.
After our visit, we chanced
meeting Louise, my cousin
Roger’s ex-wife, that I am very
fond of. She looked so beautiful,
elegant in a way, and we talked
for a while there in the hospital
parking lot. I started keeping in
touch with her, briefly, about 1
1/2 years ago. It was so nice to
see her.
After our meeting, Doris and
Paul drove me to the airport,
dropped me off, and I took the
plane about 6:40 PM. I am not
too crazy about flying anymore,
but I lucked out on this first leg
of the journey, from Portland to
Atlanta. While I was sitting in the
coach area, just before takeoff,
this young guy asked me if I
would be willing to change
places with his girlfriend...wait
for it...she was sitting in FIRST
CLASS. What a nice treat...I sat in
first class on the way to Atlanta,
had a few gin and tonics (gratis
of course, and some nice
snacks. What a change from the
measly pretzels they give you in
coach. Then I almost lucked out
on the second leg of the
journey, my flight from Atlanta to
L.A....they were looking for a few
passengers to step down and
take a later flight. In a case like
this, you relinquish your seat to
another passenger, and the
airline drives you to a nearby
hotel, pays for your room, and
picks you up the next day, and
you also get A ROUND TRIP
TICKET ANYWHERE IN THE U.S.
FOR FREE, GOOD FOR A YEAR! I’
ve done this before and it was
great. Unfortunately, they only
needed two passenger to “step-
down” and I was the 3rd. I just
missed it. Oh well...maybe next
time. The flight went well, got to
LAX on time (about 11:40 PM),
caught the Blue Shuttle back to
Pasadena, but got home at
about 1:20 AM. I was very tired
and went pretty much straight to
bed. Next will be my activities
since I have been back.
August 3 to September 1, 2010

It is hard to believe that I have
been back almost one month
already and we are in
September. The year 2010 is
already 2/3 over and 2011 is just
around the corner. I digress...
getting back to my diary. Since I
have been back, I have pretty
much gotten back into my
routine...playing tennis, going
for my walks, going out to dinner
with friends, Phil and Ed....
actually, I go out to lunch with
Phil and usually, if I go out to
dinner, it is with Ed. I am glad to
be back. Besides the usual
chores and activities, I have
been to the doctors for results,
usually of my blood work. My
primary doctor, Irena Jasper,
gave me the results of my latest
blood work and everything
seemed to be good. My glucose
is good, my cholesterol, good,
triglycerides, fair, and my overall
health seems to be good. I have
been hesitating going to the
doctors because now I have to
pay 20% of each visit. Medicare
pays 80%, but when a doctor’s
visit can cost up to $140.00, I
end up with a bill for 20% of that!
What a rip off!. Come
September, I think I may have to
change my medical plan. Well, I
have not been writing this diary,
day by day, as I had originally
planned, but I still continue, only
sometimes, the entries span a
week or more.  Some other
activity of importance that I have
done is to spend quite a bit of
money on landscaping. Emilio
put up many ficus trees (is that
fici?), dug up each one, put in a
drip system, planted two
beautiful trees in the front, and
two bougainvillea against the
fence (on Larry’s side). He spent
many hours on the work, he and
his workers, but it still cost me
about $4000. I shouldn’t have
spent so much money. Well....it’s
done!
San Francisco...Aug. 27 to 30
I have been wanting to go to
San Francisco for a while and I
usually make the trip there at
least once a year because I love
the City and I also want to visit
Manfred and take him out. This
trip was not the most pleasant
one...for a few reasons.
Pros of the Trip
I always enjoy the City. It has not
lost its charm. I love the
changing weather, the hills,
sights, the exercise, walking
etc. In the past, pros have also
included seeing and spending
time with Manfred and staying at
his friend, Helga’s house. Other
pros included a discount that
Helga gave on the rental of her
unit...she took $50.00 off the
regular price: $75/night. It
actually came out to about $62.50
/night. Helga also invited
Manfred and I to dinner on
Saturday night. She made what
Manfred raved about, her
special dish of “German Pork
and Potato Dumplings”. Well the
salad was very good, the pork,
good, and the dumplings....so
so. Contrary to Manfred’s claim,
it was nothing to write home
about. Another nice aspect of
the trip was a trip to Sonoma
with Manfred and he treated me
to a lunch at a very nice
restaurant. We also visited the
Mission and the Mexican
Barracks.
Cons of the Trip
In a nutshell, the long boring
trip to San Francisco and back,
Manfred’s constant chattering
and his idiosyncracies, a failed
attempt at meeting with
someone, an itchy rash that I
developed as soon as I got
there, etc., were a few of the
drawbacks of the trip.
Well that is pretty much my
experience of this San
Francisco trip. It really is no
longer any fun to go because of
the long drive and Manfred kind
of gets on my nerve.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
On my way home from San
Francisco, on Monday, I made a
call to the dermatologist and
asked for an appoint ment to
see Dr. Peia. At first, they could
only give me an appointment for
next Thursday and the lady I
spoke to said that she would
give me a call if there was any
cancellation. I called again later
and expressed the urgency of
my coming in and they made an
appointment for today, at 8:50
AM. I went to the appointment
and the “good doctor” a young
Chinese man, looked at my rash
and determined that it was some
kind of bacterial infection, so he
prescribed some creams. I think
he’s full of shit...these are
insect bites, but I went ahead
and made the appointment. Now,
I will probably have to spend the
money I saved on staying at
Helga’s to pay for this rip-off
visit to the doctor’s. I know I
sound a bit bitter, but I think it’s
a rip off, to see these doctors
for about 10 or 15 minutes or
less, and pay about $150 for one
lousy visit. Of course Medicare
pays 80%, but I still pay 20%. I’m
finding this hard right now,
because before Medicare, the
District was paying for
everything. Now I have a $7,500
dollar deductible, before Blue
Cross pays for anything. I am
definitely thinking of changing
my Medical Provider.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Today, I woke up early and went
to play tennis. I won two sets,
and lost one set, and had great
exercise. I practiced on the
piano for a while. I stayed home,
and did not see anyone, except
Larry who came to visit me for a
while, wanting money. He really
seems to be in the dumps right
now. He had to move out of his
little place next door. To hear
him talk, he sleeps in his truck. I
thought about that today (now it’
s Thursday, and I’m writing in
retrospect) I gave him $10.00
and he said he was going to put
some gas in his truck and get
himself some tacos, 2 of them,
one dollar each. This kinds of
tears my heart out. He really is in
need. Do I put him up here for a
while...do I keep on giving him
money? I can certainly offer him
food and take him out to lunch
or dinner sometimes. I just hope
he is not sleeping out on the
streets. I also took my bike out
for a ride. I always say a prayer
before I leave on the motorcycle
and say a prayer when I get back
safely.

Thursday, September 2, 2010
I went for my walk this morning,
stayed home, had my breakfast,
lunch, dinner, got in the jacuzzi,
practiced on the piano, and am
trying to quit smoking. Smoking
is a sexual activity for me. I’ll
have to write about this
sometime. It is difficult to write
about because I think it is a
psychological problem. I equate
smoking with masculinity, love
the smell, and the whole
atmosphere of watching me
smoke and smelling the smoke
emanate from my mouth and
nostrils. I am getting turned on
just talking about it. This goes
way back to my childhood, when
I was sexually aroused by men
smoking, including my father.
That’s pretty much all I can say
for now. It is a hard habit to quit,
not only physically, but in my
case, definitely, psychologically.
I am up to date on my diary. I
have skipped a lot, but will try
and recount my daily activities.

Friday Sept. 3, 2010
First of all, I have to say that it
has been two days since I have
had a cigarette. I’m not going to
say anything about that until it is
more convenient to talk about
the wish to quit smoking.
On with my daily log of events. I
woke up this morning after a fair
night’s rest, brushed my teeth,
had my breakfast of cereals and
coffee, and went off to play
tennis. I played only one set, but
it was a long set and we were
evenly matched, reached 6-6,
and we were beaten in the tie-
breaker. Bullet Bob and I played
against Jose and FX. It was a
long set, but I got my exercise
in. PROS so far are: tennis this
morning, good deed in bringing
Anna-Lee,  one of the tennis
players, to her home not too far
from the courts to pick up a
spare car key because she had
locked them up in her car. I
enjoyed doing that favor for her.
I talked to Brady in DHS and he
is doing much better. He had an
emergency situation when his
hernia started to put a strangle
hold on some of his organs, his
colon in particular. He was
rushed to the hospital, had
emergency surgery and he is
doing much better now. There
are really no NEGATIVES to talk
about thus far today. I will
continue my narration before I
retire this evening

DREAM twenty-seven.

Saturday September 4, 2010

In this dream that I had Saturday
night, which by the way
happened after I went out with
Ed Serra for dinner, included Ed
in the dream. It does not always
happen this way that someone is
in my dream that I have just
seen or recently been with.
From what I remember, we have
gone to a home where I think it
is a museum and there are some
wonderful old pieces,
memorabilia. Anyway, Ed
mentions that he loves many of
the old pieces, and the next
scene in the dream shows all
the pieces being delivered to
his home...I guess in this dream
he has found a home. He is
presently living or paying to live
in somebody else’s home that
he is very unhappy living in.
When I am visiting him, I see all
these great pieces in his home,
one of which is a vintage sewing
machine, sort of like an old
singer machine. I am feeling
very envious (jealous I guess)
that he has received all these
pieces. Then two of the ladies
come in from the museum and at
first it looks like they are here to
take back these pieces, but they
are both touching a large pan
which is very hot, because
underneath the pan is an old
stove that has been cooking
this meal for quite a while
unbeknownst to everybody
there. I’m not sure what
happens next...I wake up.

Sunday September 5, 2010
Today was a regular Sunday...I
went to Church and Mass at 11:
30 and heard the message for
the Gospel which was that
Jesus encountered some
people in his travels who
wanted to enter the Kingdom of
God, but Jesus explained that
before you can enter into the
kingdom of God, you have to
renounce and give up all that
you have. After the Mass, I went
for my gym exercise. At night, I
went out with Ed to West
Hollywood for a film at “Being
Alive” and we were to have a
dinner. It did not turn out as we
expected, and Ed and I got into
a bit of a “row” and we ended up
by each going our separate
ways. I wanted to have a subway
sandwich (I am trying to cut
down on the spending), but Ed
talked me into going to Denny’s
and we had a “cheap meal”, but I
should have stuck to my idea of
going home and picking up a
$5.00 subway sandwich. That
was pretty much the day.

Monday September 6, 2010
Labor Day
I don’t remember if I had a
dream or not, but I did play
tennis this morning and had
great sets, came home, fixed the
hose, practiced the piano, and
did very little for the rest of the
day. I watched TV at night and
went to bed around 11:15 PM.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I may have dreamed last night,
but I have no recollection of the
dream (if I did dream) because I
am writing my thoughts, a few
days later. I did not sleep much,
maybe about 5 hours. I think I
may be drinking too much
coffee, so I am trying to cut
down on that. I have also
stopped smoking. I don’t like to
talk about it, because I have
tried before, but usually start up
again. Right now, I am fighting
the urge to have a good
cigarette...(ironic isn’t it that I
should say “a good cigarette”,
when no cigarette is healthy for
you)? I have been spending
hours on the piano, trying to
prepare myself for my lesson
this coming Thursday. It has
been over a month since I had
lessons from Larry Evans. He is
coming this Thursday and I am
trying to prepare for it. Phil took
me to the Cheesecake Factory
at the Americana today. I
thanked him. We had a walk
around and then I went to his
place and tried to help him put a
new picture of himself on the
websites. I will stop now and call
him to see how he is doing.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Over a week has passed since
my last entry. I will try and catch
up to date today. On Wed., Sept.
8, I went to play tennis in the
morning and had a wonderful
workout. I played with Diane,
Jose and Bob (bullet Bob they
called him) and after that, I came
home and pretty much did very
little for the rest of the day. I
hesitate to say this, but it’s
almost as if I may be getting
bored being retired. I never
thought I’d hear myself saying
this. My activities include pretty
much: tennis, walks, outings
with Ed or Phil, club activities
such as meetings and events
such as Luaus, Rummage Sales,
etc. And that’s pretty much it. I
could be doing things at home
such as gardening, writing,
reading, etc. I crave the
company of people and my sex
life is practically nil right now. I
have no partners and even
masturbating is becoming more
and more of a challenge. I don’t
think that is good, but what am I
to do. I just am not meeting
anyone. Of course, I have never
been aggressive enough and
the reason I don’t meet anyone,
is primarily my fault. I have not
smoked a cigarette for 16 days
and I fear I will not continue with
this. It seems that I’m missing an
“old friend”, as terrible to say,
since smoking can eventually
kill you. I want to quit for good,
but I’m afraid I will eventually
start smoking again. It is
something that I enjoy and as I
have stated before in the past in
my diary, it is a sexual feeling
with me.

Thursday September 9, 2010
Today, I did very little except go
for my walk in the morning and
stayed at home, watched TV and
did a little work outside trying to
get the garden going. I did
prepare my Treasurer’s Report
for the meeting tomorrow. On
Friday, we will be electing the
officers for the new year with
PCMC. I am nominated for
Treasurer again, so we’ll see
how that goes. Unfortunately,
we have very little left in the
Treasury, about $920.00. This is
about $500 or more less than in
the previous year(s). I believe
some people did not do their job
in getting the advertising out to
get more people to attend Black
Mountain. I did not attend this
year because I went to Maine
and apparently, only about 20
attended....very poor showing!

Friday September 10, 2010
We are on the eve of our Nation’
s worst attack on its soil, Sept.
11, 2001. Tomorrow will be the
anniversary and the news seem
to predict possible bad
repercussions against the
Muslims. I did not go and play
tennis today, because I wanted
to give my legs and feet some
rest. I believe I may have
overdone it last Wednesday, so I
decided to stay home. I have not
seen Ed lately because he is
busy preparing Charro’s home
for a party which I am invited to
the event is part of a series of
“filmings” to help launch Charro’
s son in the “music industry”.
David Yerkes, Andy Myers, Larry
Evans, my piano teacher, were
also invited to the affair. We
talked on the phone, but we
haven’t seen each other for a
while because he is exhausted
from all the work he is doing. I
went to the meeting at night, our
PCMC monthly meeting at Don
Meadows. The elections went
well...I was elected Treasurer
again, Preston, President, and
Eric, Secretary. I have my report,
ate, came home and went to bed.

Saturday, September 11, 2010
I woke early, around 7:00 AM,
had my breakfast and went out
for a walk. I spent the day
watching tennis, Federer and
Novojeck (sic) and the Serbian
Novojchik beat the Swiss player
Roger Federer. Now, I can
hardly wait to watch Nadal play
Novojchik for the final. I didn’t
do too much else today.

Sunday, September 12, 2010
The big event today, of course,
was Charro’s party and so, I didn’
t do too much except to get
ready for that. I did not go to
Mass, nor to the gym. I stayed
home, watched a little TV,
napped, and showered and got
ready for the party. I dressed
pretty well, with a suit and tie,
dress shoes, and took off
around 4:45. I left in plenty of
time, but I had trouble
programming Charro’s address
in the computer in my car (GPS)
because I was putting in
“Lexington Ave.” and later
found out it was “Lexington
Rd.”. I kind of panicked for a
while, but eventually figured out
the right address by checking
the Thomas Guide. I got there
and the guests went up a red
carpet, where at the top of the
stairs, Charro was there to greet
them. The director had me go up
with a couple of girls and we
didn’t say much. The party was
nice and I enjoyed myself. I had
a few drinks, took a few shots
with my Rebel, then went
outside on the patio, sat down
and just looked around. I got a
few shots of Charro. Eventually,
Larry came all dressed up very
nicely, played the piano for a
while, then came out to join me
and some other people at a
table. A man named Robert was
nice enough to come over and
introduce himself because I was
sitting there all alone, not
knowing anyone there, except
Larry who was playing the piano,
and David and Andy, who were
working in the kitchen. Well an
incident happened at the
beginning which was not too
pleasant. Ed got pissed off at
one of the guests (may tell story
in detail later), made a scene,
and eventually left in disgust. I
think he said Carmen’s husband
(Carmen is Charro’s sister)
kicked Ed out, and apparently
punched him and kicked his van
door. Ed told me this later on
that night. Such drama with that
man...there is always some
drama going on. I almost had
him move in with me, but
thought about it and decided
against it which was one of the
best things I could have done.
As I said, there is  always  some
drama going on with him. He
tends to be very loud and
negative and complains
constantly. I can take so much of
him.....(I can just imagine what
would have happened if he had
moved in with me...OH LORD,
thank you, thank you.)
I had a nice meal and chatted
with Larry and some friends and
eventually left around 9:00 PM. I
got home around 9:45, watched
TV and went to bed around 11:00
PM.
Monday September 13, 2010
I got up at around 6:44 AM, had
my breakfast, and went off to
play tennis. I had some great
matches today, or sets rather. I
believe I lost 2 sets, but won
one. They were very close
games, though. Ed called me up
and said he had work to do. I
told him that Phil was taking me
out to dinner at PF Chang’s in
Pasadena. I told Ed I’d talk to
him tomorrow.
In the afternoon, Phil came over
around 5:00 PM, and we had a
little wine and then who showed
up??? Larry from next door, or
rather, who used to be from
next door. He had to move out
and now I am  not sure where he
lives, but when he comes to
visit, it is usually to get some
money. And so, I gave him 10
dollars for gas and food. I will
have to put a stop to this
because I do not have the
money to do this often. We went
to PF Chang and had a great
dinner. We got home and Phil
had  forgotten his  sweater at
the restaurant and he decided
to pick it up in the following
days. He called up the
restaurant and made sure to tell
them to keep the sweater until
he could pick it up...asked them
to write his name on the sweater.
(talk about picking up the
sweater for Phil on Tues. and
playing such bad tennis on
Wednesday which is today...this
is to be continued...right now, I’
m getting in the jaccuzi)
Tuesday September 14, 2010
On Tuesday, I woke up, had
breakfast, went for my walk,
then I went to the Pasadena Mall
to pick up Phil’s sweater. The
girl at Chang’s gave me
validation for my parking and I
left very quickly and I didn’t
have to pay anything. Later, I
called Phil and told him that I
had his sweater and that I would
bring it to him on Wednesday
when we met for lunch. Nothing
much happened for the rest of
the day.
Wednesday September 15, 2010
I woke up early, had my
breakfast and went to play
tennis. My games were very
poor today. I did not play well at
all. I haven’t been playing well
for the past week or so. I get
very frustrated with my serving
and  games. Today, I played 3
sets and lost them all. It wasn’t
because my partners were bad...
I was!
I went home kind of disgusted
with myself. I have got to learn
to enjoy it more and not be so
critical on myself, otherwise, the
games are no longer fun, but
too competitive. I treated Phil to
lunch today. I had sole with
spinach and garlic potatoes...
yummy. Phil started off having
??? (I can’t remember the fish
right now, but I personally don’t
like this particular fish because
it’s too “fishy” and salty.). It was
Sea Bass. Anyway, Phil did not
like his fish...”too salty”, so he
switched it to sole like mine and
he was very satisfied with that.
We went to his place and I took
a few pictures with my iphone
and helped him to put a picture
on the websites...Siverdaddies,
Bearfront, etc

Thursday September 16, 2010
I slept pretty well last night, got
up and had my breakfast, then
went for my walk. I practiced a
little bit on the piano today. I
have to prepare myself for next
Thursday’s lesson. I want to do
well, so I am preparing for Larry’
s lesson on Thurs. Sept. 23rd.
Ed came over last night and we
had dinner and watched a little
tv. I am planning a trip to the
desert this weekend. I was
fortunate enough to get a call
from the Substitute Desk in the
afternoon, assigning me a job
this Friday (tomorrow).
Friday September 17, 2010
I got up at about 6:20 AM,
showered and brushed my
teeth, had some breakfast and
left for La Canada High School. I
took Mr. Gillelan’s Science
class. As usual, the students
were extremely well-behaved. It
is always a pleasure to
substitute teach in the district. I
did not sleep that well the night
before. I guess I get a little
nervous before appearing in the
classroom, but everything went
very well. Since I taught today, I
could not leave for the desert
early on Friday, so I had to leave
at night, around 7:00 PM. After
school, I showered, finished
packing, and relaxed before
leaving for the desert. I picked
up Ed at his house at around 7:
15PM, and we took off for the
desert. There was  traffic for a
while, but it slowly opened up
after the Ontario area, and we
pretty much breezed the rest of
the way. We got into the desert
at my home at about 9:15PM. It
was nice to see the house
again. We had a bite to eat, sat
outside in the front for a while,
then went to bed. I watched a
little tv...but unfortunately, my tv
started acting up and making a
very loud noise. I was
determined to try and get
another set the following day. I
went to bed and slept very well.
Saturday September 18, 2010
I woke up around 8:00AM after a
very good night’s sleep. We, Ed
and I, went out around 9:40AM
and had breakfast at Michael’s
then went out to do some
“antiquating”. I didn’t buy
anything except a TV for $29.00. I
of course took a chance that the
set would work. We brought it
home, I plugged it in and it
worked very well. And so, I will
get rid of the other set and hope
that the present one works for a
while. I didn’t think it would be
worthwhile and worth spending
money on a good set, like a
plasma set or big screen
television since I am not at the
house very often. What is the
point of spending a lot of money
on a television set that I won’t
enjoy for most of the time. At
night, we had dinner at the
house. Ed made some spaghetti
and I made a salad. We then
went out. I drove Ed to the
casino, as usual, then I went to
the Street Bar and had a few
drinks. I met Doug there, a
friend of Jim Eubanks, that I
have know for quite a few years.
Doug Barnett is always very kind
to me. I don’t know any people
in the desert, and so when we
do run into each other, he is
always friendly. He took down
my info such as phone and email
and told me he would mail me
his information. I had a good
evening. Before Doug came into
the bar, I was talking to this
fellow next to me and we had an
interesting conversation. I saw
Doug walk in, got off my seat
and walked over to talk to him.
After talking with him, I left the
bar and realized that I had left
my change on the bar at my
original location. It was almost
16 bucks...when I went back, it
was gone. I asked the bartender
if he had seen my money and he
said no and that I should talk to
the owner who was in his office
counting the money. I went to
the office and explained the
situation to him and he was kind
enough to give me the $16.00
back and I was so appreciative
that I gave him a $5.00 tip. I then
went across the street to the
other bar, had another drink, but
I had to call Ed and asked him to
walk over to the bars and drive
us home. I was kind of feeling
those three drinks I had and I
didn’t want to chance being
stopped by the cops. We went
home and went to bed. I slept
pretty well.

Sunday September 19, 2010
We woke up this morning and
had a bite to eat, then took off
for Indio to go visit the junk
shops. Unfortunately, Ed and I
got into a fight. I suggested that
we leave early and head back
this coming Sunday, today,
instead of Monday and he got all
huffy. I got angry, we exchanged
words, and went back to the
house on Nicole Ct., and we
even cancelled going to visit his
friend David Brewster, and after
packing, we left for Pasadena.
We didn’t talk for a while, but I
felt so bad, then we started
talking and everything seemed
to be OK after that. I dropped Ed
home around 4:30 PM, went
home, unpacked and relaxed for
the rest of the day. I went to bed
around 10:30PM, because I
wanted to play tennis the next
day.

Monday September 20, 2010
I don’t remember too much what
I did today, except that I did go
and play tennis in the morning. I
had a good exercise, but my
playing continues to suck.

Tues Sept. 21st to Sunday
Sept. 26th 2010
I am writing and endeavoring to
catch up on my diary, but it has
been almost a whole week since
my last entry. Things that I
remember will be written down.
This past week, I have spent a
lot of time with Ed. He continues
to be extremely negative and
complains constantly. His every
reason for coming around is to
enjoy my house, for he
continues to stay at a place that
he hates. He rents a room and
has very little freedom at his
place. And so, every chance he
gets, he calls, and manages to
get over here. After the
barbecue on  Sunday, the 26th
of September, I have resolved
to have him stay away from here.
Once he gets here, he
manipulates me and somehow,
stays for hours at a time and I
cannot get rid of him. Also, if he
has the opportunity, he gets into
my pants. I disdain having him
touch me, but somehow, he
manages to have sex with me. I
have tried to have good sex
with him, but if truth be known, it
seems like I am allowing him to
touch me because I kind of feel
sorry for him. But the truth is, he
DOES NOTHING FOR ME,
NOTHING AT ALL! I am putting my
foot down. I actually would like
to have him stay away from here,
not touch me, and perhaps go
out to lunch or dinner, but keep
him away from my home. Well, as
I continue, I will put down what
comes to mind, although, it has
been almost a week. Last
Thursday, September 23, 2010, I
had  my piano lesson. I have
spent quite a lot of hours,
preparing a couple of pieces
and practicing my scales and
chords. Unfortunately, I still don’
t practice enough and I will
never become a good piano
player, but the money that I am
spending on the lessons should
account for something, and so, I
don’t want to give it up, but
continue to give it my best shot.
Today is too hot (9/27/2010), and
I don’t feel like practicing, nor
have I since last Thursday, but
sometimes this week, I will start
practicing again. It is as if, I go
by the 2 lessons I get per month.
In other words, I cram in as
much practice time as possible,
but don’t spread it all out, and
rather, practice a few days for
hours at a time. Other events
and activities that I remember
have been talks on the phone,
usually with Ed, Phil and my
sister. Otherwise, I don’t talk to
anybody else. I wish my life was
fuller, as far as friends and
acquaintances. Phil and I talked
about having a Barbecue here
at my house soon and I decided
on Saturday, Sept. 25th, but
since Larry Evans couldn’t come
on that day, I changed it to
Sunday, Sept. 26th. I know when
I have functions here, people
usually enjoy themselves, but
there is always a lot of work and
preparation before the event. I
started calling various people
and the number came out to
around 14, a small but nice
group for my Barbecue. I will
name the guests later. This is
reminiscent of Hyacinthe, from
Keeping Up Appearances, when
she plans one of her “Sit-me
Down Buffet with her
Worceshire China and goblets”
affairs. (or something of that
nature). I have to giggle...I love
British comedy. They are so
unique and usually make me
laugh. The week has been pretty
much taken up on preparing for
the barbecue: cleaning the
house, making a list, calling
people, planning a menu, doing
some shopping, etc. Ed has
been around quite a bit helping
me with the preparation. I
actually could have done this
without him, but I then end up by
having him participate, and he
tends to start controlling and
taking over. The days have been
pretty much like this: he calls,
complains on the phone, they
always asks “What are you doing
tonight”. During this whole
week, he has spent about 3 or
maybe 4 nights here. Once he
gets here, it is always a big deal
to try and get rid of him. I cannot
and will not spend too much
more time in my diary talking
about him, because then my
writings take on a negative
aspect and unlike him who is
always negative and brings
down other people with his
negativity, I on the other hand
wish to be more positive in my
outlook. If anything else comes
up while I am talking about the
Barbecue, I will mention it.

Sunday Barbecue Sept. 26, 2010
My guests at the barbecue
were: Larry, my piano teacher
(without Tony, his partner, who
was invited), Phil, Malcolm and
Rick, Don Espinoza, my Masseur
and his partner Jimmy (nice-
looking), Bill Bliss and Harold,
David Yerkes and Andy, who
came in from visiting in PS,
Michael Scott, Ed and I. And,
Joey, my Korean friend came in
from Palm Springs. We were a
total of 14, including me, and
everybody had fun. We played
croquet that I set up in the back.
Bill Bliss was kind enough to do
the barbecuing. He did a great
job. It was perhaps 102 in the
shade, but everybody showed
up and had a good time. I
figured I spent about $75.00 for
this barbecue and it cut deep
into my money for the month. I
really cannot keep on spending
so much. I have to really start
cutting back. Well, today, the day
after, Monday, Sept. 27th, it is
still very hot out there and I am
in the house, under my fans,
watching a little TV, writing, and
just relaxing. Good-by for now
and thanks for listening.
The Week of Sept. 26th (26 to 30)
I am falling more and more
behind on my diary, but will try
and catch up again. My attempts
at smoking have failed. After
stopping for 15 days, I started
again. On the 15th of
September, I went to get myself
a pack of cigarettes and started
again. Now I am smoking more
than ever. Positives that have
occurred for the rest of this
month of September, especially
the last week have been my
barbecue, my continual tennis
exercise, walks, piano practice,
and I have been called to
substitute twice in two weeks. I
really enjoy my substituting
because the kids are so well-
behaved. I was called to sub on
Friday Sept. 24th and Friday,
Oct. 1st. I had one of the most
beautiful experiences I have
had for a long time on Oct. 1st
while substituting. I substituted
on that day for an English
teacher and his classes were so
well-behaved. In 3rd period, a
young man, attending the class
as an aide for extra credit, sat
down next to my desk and spoke
to me for the whole period. He
was a tall handsome young man
and his name was Samuel. He
spoke so well, so polite, was
interested in what I had to say
as well as I in what he had to
say. He said he was applying at a
few colleges and universities,
mainly Boston College and
Berkeley University. What a
handsome and interesting
student this was. To be able to
sit down and talk to someone
who is young enough to be your
grandson and carry on a very
interesting and mutually
beneficial conversation is so
fulfilling. I had great respect for
this young man and I suppose, I
saw a little bit of myself in him...
anxious to get along with my life,
further my studies and, even if I
do say so myself, with a head on
his shoulders as I had at that
age. I enjoyed my youth and had
so much fun, but at the same
time I prepared for my life. All
around me are individuals who
are struggling...WHY? Because
they have not prepared for their
lives. Ed is an example...as Larry
is, and so many others. When
the class ended, I shook his
hand and wished him the very
best. Teaching as a sub at La
Cañada is always a wonderful
experience. My day went very
well. Before that day, other
wonderful positives for me was
my piano lesson. I learned quite
a bit on this day, especially in
regards to scales and chords.
Larry did very well. I had been
practicing for many hours
before this lesson. I will need to
get back to practicing for the
next lesson, this coming
Thursday, Oct. 7th. Today is
already Monday, Oct. 4th.
Monday September 27, 2010
This morning, I woke up pretty
refreshed after the weekend. I
had a barbecue on Sunday and it
went pretty well. Joey came from
PS and attended my barbecue
and stayed over, but woke me
around 2:00 AM to tell me that
he couldn’t sleep and so he
went back to PS in the early
morning, around 2:30AM and I
went back to sleep. I got up at 6:
40AM, had breakfast and went to
play tennis. My playing
continues to be pretty poor and
I get really frustrated with
myself. I came back home, had
lunch, watched a little TV, then
took a nap.

DREAM twenty-eight

A Dream in the Afternoon
of the 27th of September, 2010
I am working in a mall, but in the
parking area. I have just gotten
a job picking up garbage and I
must exit the facility, but have
great difficulty in getting out.
Meanwhile, I meet several
people. My father is also
working there and he has
another job, but his boss has
given me the garbage collector
job. I meet Vance Adleman
there, who used to work the
night shift, but now has another
job. I also meet some other
people that I know very well and
they also have been given other
jobs during the day, from other
jobs at night. I do not remember
who these other people are.
There is a young girl that I know
from my teaching days who is
also there with friends, but she
is constantly wasting her time
and mine and jokes a lot.
Anyway, I don’t remember who
this girl is. The  problem I am
having is that I must exit the
parking area, inside the
building, so I can go to the
facility to get my garbage truck
so I can get to work and start
picking up the garbage. But, I
cannot get out of the area, down
the ramp and exit. I am driving a
Lexus SUV, just like a used to
have, and whenever I try to
manoeuvre out of the area, my
vehicle can’t turn to get down
the ramp to exit. Several people
try to help me, and at one point,
I think I have found the way out,
but I forget where I left my exit,
and....I wake up.
It is a very hot day today, very
uncomfortable, and all I have
done since I came back from
tennis is to just lay around the
house, listless and just took a
nap.

Friday, Oct. 8th, 2010 (Subbing)
My day went very well at La
Cañada High. I subbed for an
English teacher. His classes
went pretty well, although some
of his students were a bit noisy,
but they calmed down. I do enjoy
subbing at that school because
the students are so much better
behaved than any students I
have dealt with in LAUSD. After,
my home ready for the meeting.
The meeting had to be canceled
because so many members
weren’t attending. It was
frustrating because I had done
so much preparation...grocery
shopping, marinating the meat,
expenses, etc. I tried not to let
this get to me and be upset  
because of the lack of
thoughtfulness  of some
members. Anyway, I  contacted
Preston before the meeting and
the meeting was cancelled. Well
another incident occurred on
Friday, before I left for the
desert the next day, Saturday: I
tripped in the dining room,
smashed one of the panes of
glass in my window. It was dark
and I had moved the chairs away
from the dining room table to
prepare for the meal for the
meeting that never materialized.
Anyway, as I was making my way
to the kitchen, I tripped on the
chair that was moved by the
window and my elbow went
through one of the glass panes
and smashed it. Luckily the
curtain was partially drawn, so it
absorbed the impact of my
elbow smashing into the
window, otherwise I may have
been cut very badly. I picked up
the broken shards of glass with
gloves on, and put one of  my
paintings, temporarily, to block
the empty window pane. I
decided to wait until I came back
from DHS to have it fixed. After
this entry, I will call Joy to see if
I can get her handyman to come
fix the glass.  

Trip to DHS
(Desert Hot Springs)
On Saturday, Oct. 10th, I drove
to my home in DHS, unpacked,
rested, then called Joey to set
up tennis for Sunday. We agreed
to meet around 7:00PM for
tennis. Meanwhile, I showered
and went to a Silverdaddies
meeting at Clubone11. This was
a meeting for all singles in
Silverdaddies. I had a nice time,
et a few people, had interesting
conversations, met Dennis a
tennis player that I think is very
hot, but we talked mostly about
tennis and then he went on his
way to visit with friends. I also
met a few other nice people. I
also met Irwin, a man that I
chatted with on the
Silverdaddies website almost a
year ago. We had a nice chat. I
know he is very much interested
in seeing me for an “intimate
tète-à-tète”, but I like him, but I
don’t think, asexually. Besides, I
would have to talk to him about
my HIV status and, Dear Reader,
we all know where that usually
ends. Sometimes I think: “Why
bother?”. After tennis on
Sunday, I decided to return back
home. I rested when I got back,
cleaned the house a little, had
some stew in the evening,
watched a little TV, then went to
bed fairly early because I
wanted to play tennis the next
day.
Well that pretty much brings me
almost up-to-date.  

My week of Oct. 11th to 16th
I have pretty much done my
routine activities for this week
which includes tennis every day
of the week, Mon., Wed., and Fri.
On Friday, tennis was OK
although the weather was kind
of “misty”, but we still managed
to play a couple of sets and I
played fairly well, much better
than I usually do, at least in the
past month or so. On Thurs., the
14th, I went with Phil to the
Elephant Cafe in Burbank and
we had a very nice meal. Then, I
went with him to his apt. to try
and help him get some more
certificates for restaurant
dining, but we had trouble
getting on the site, so we had to
forgo this procedure. He called
the company and the girl told
him she would send him a new
card.
Dream Twenty-Six
Before I continue with my
“Diary”, I will talk about the
dream I had on Friday night, Oct.
16th. The dream actually was on
Saturday morning around 6:00
AM.

DREAM thirty

I dream I am somewhere with my
Lexus and I have unfortunately
driven precariously close to a
cliff and I cannot get out of my
dilemma. I am with someone
else, but cannot figure out
exactly who it is. I go to the
house on the property which
seems to harbor rooms to rent
and there is also a mechanic
attached to the property. I
remember getting out of the
vehicle and looking over the
cliff that I am perched on. It is a
beautiful view of the ocean and
islands close by. The mechanic
informs me that he will have to
wait until morning to tow my
Lexus away from the edge of the
precipice. Meanwhile, my
“friend” and I stay the night in a
room. I remember giving him a
device, perhaps a cell phone,
that he has to work on because
it is not working properly. I
picture him at a table with tools
and vaguely picture the device
he is working on...let’s say it’s
my iphone. Well the other
details I can remember is that
there is a woman with her
daughter staying there. Another
“not so delicate detail” I
remember is that the toilet gets
all plugged up and it is not very
pleasant. I think the water is
starting to overflow at one
point. The rest of the details are
not clear and I wake up from the
dream. My Lexus and the
situation it is in is left
unresolved...perhaps for
another dream?

Saturday Oct. 16, 2010
I had a good night’s sleep and
dreamt, as usual, but do not
remember my dream on
Saturday night. I’m sure that I
did dream for I dream every
night...sometimes remembering
my dreams other times, not
remembering. When I woke up, I
fixed my coffee, take care of
regular “morning business”,
showered and started working
on my computer. Then Phil
called me to remind me to pick
him up by about 1:00 PM for the
“Beer Fest Party” at John and
Chet’s, as part of the SF Valley
Primetimers group get-together,
and I was surprised because for
some reason, I was thinking the
party was late afternoon or early
evening. I told Phil I would pick
him up around 1:00 and started
getting ready. I didn’t have to
shower, so that saved me a little
time. I suggested he drive but
he talked me into driving. Once
more, he got lost and we did the
same thing we did last time we
went over to John and Chet’s...
drove around and around for
about 30 minutes until we finally
got to their place. I was very
disappointed at this gathering. I
know John and Chet did their
best to entertain the group, but I
found myself alone most of the
time. The group is very
“clickish” and nobody hardly
spoke to me. Also, Vince was not
there. I find him to be very
handsome and enjoy his
company. The food was so-so,
the group, boring, and I just
didn’t enjoy myself that much.
The San Fernando PrimeTimers
are “disbanding”, that is, are
losing  their president, John,
because the work is too
overwhelming and he does not
get any help for all that he does.
I expressed to Phil at one time
that I might be willing to take
over the group with a little help,
but as I looked around at the
members, there is nothing I see
among them, in common with
me. Between you and I, dear
reader, I find this group to be
made up of “old dilapidated
individuals, profusely imbued
with multiple maladies,
physically and psychologically,
very clickish, and I have no
interest in expending energy
and time endeavering to please
this group with fun activities.
Besides, I think I would be
taking too much responsibility,
more “than I can chew”, so to
speak.
After dessert, cake, apple pie
and ice cream, Phil and I left,
then I dropped him off because
he was going to a function right
after this. We made tentative
plans to maybe meet after his
activity and maybe go to “The
Other Side”, but I was pretty
determined to just stay at home.
I am becoming more and more
“rooted” to my spot at home,
and find it less and less
desirable to go out, especially to
waste my time in bars. I watched
a very good film called the
“Crucible”, a film about the
Salem Witch Hunts, and went to
bed around 10:30 PM, but not
until I had a tuna fish sandwich. I
am eating more and more,
smoking more and more, and
letting myself go. End of
Saturday’s report.
Sunday October 17, 2010
Today has been a rather gloomy
day, although days like this don’t
really bother me. It’s a nice
change to see rain, mist,
cloudiness, etc. We live in a
desert and we need rain here.
Today I woke up around 8:30 AM,
had breakfast, worked on the
computer, bathed, and went to
Mass at 12:30, and from there to
the gym where I had a pretty
good workout. Something
amazing happened while I was
gone. I forgot the cat was inside
and when I left I put the alarm
on, but she must have stayed
put for over 3 hours. I  was  very
fortunate that she did not get up
from her spot on my bed and set
off the alarm. If she had, I may
have missed the call from the
Alarm Company, because I had
my phone turned off in Church
and left it in the car when I went
to the gym. If the cat had moved,
the alarm would have surely
gone off, and I probably would
have missed the call, and this
would have been a “False
Alarm” which can cost up to
$100 +. Boy was I lucky! Nothing
special for the rest of the day. I
had my dinner and will probably
go to bed early...around 9:30PM.

GINO












I met a God, a Hercules, a Man
A dream that every mortal has
A prisoner of Love that I am
Bound by a body chiseled on
Olympus

I met Gino who inhabits Sicily
I have fallen in love with Him
Gino...it is a God among men
A sweet and kind godling he.I
cannot believe that such a
beautiful man exists that would
be attracted to me. He is so far
away, but I have written to him
and even talked to him by
phone, on a program on my cell
phone called “Skype”. We had
phone sex, the only thing we
could do at the time. He wants a
man, a man to take him and
show him love. I know he wants
to be fucked and I would do that,
and  such a body and soul which
he has would stir up the embers
of desire that I must have still in
me. I would kiss him, on every
inch of his body. smell his
breath on my face which would
be enough to make me viral
again. I would kiss him so
tenderly, lick his face, eyes,
cheeks, eyebrows, nose, lips,
stick my tongue deep within his
mouth, take my breath away
while he does the same to me. I
would hold him, take his face
and head in my hands and feel
the hardness, the sculpture of
his face, that strong masculine
and handsome face. I would let
him press me against his strong
hard body, feel our cocks
pulsating against each other,
then take his ass in my two
hands and bring him closer and
closer. I would ask him to turn
around, lay down, pillow under
his stomach so that his ass is
reaching up in the air, then
kneel down and kiss his
asshole, prep him for the
pleasure that is to come. I want
to give him what he wants, what
he needs. Lick his ass, use my
spit to prepare his asshole, then
gently slip the head of my cock
into his hole...gently, oh so
gently. “Gino, Gino, go easy on
me, I know your ass is ready for
a good fuck, but you have to go
gently...I have a short fuse. Feel
my head, my cock head? It’s a
big head, take it easy. That’s it,
inch by inch and don’t make me
come yet...gently, that’t it, take it
easy...now, my head is in your
ass, slowly, slowly take every
inch I’ve got. Here’s an inch,
another inch, that’s it, slowly, I
know your hungry ass wants my
cock and you will get it, in time...
enjoy it, here’s another inch,
and another, keep on sucking
my dick in you, work on the head
and shaft with your ass, use
those muscles, one more inch,
one...you’ll get all 7 inches...how’
s that? You like that cock up
your ass, Gino, huh, oh yeah, I’m
completely in you, you’ve got
every inch I’ve got...now you
really want it, you want me to
ram my hard cock up your
hungry ass, huh, yeah, here
baby, take it, take it, aaahhhh,
take this cock from daddy, it’s all
yours, work on it, baby, oh yeah...
aaahhhhh! Look at that fuckin’
ass work that dick! Come on
baby, pound your ass against my
crotch, feel every inch inside
your ass...let me feel every inch
inside you, stroke that cock side
to side than ram it deep inside...
aaahhhhh, ram that sucker in...
RAMMM it it! Feel it baby? Feel
your daddy deep inside you...
you like that, huh, you want
more? TAKE IT BABY!!!
AAAhhhhhhhhhh! AAhhhhhhhhh!
Oh Yeah!, Yeah, THAT’S IT!  
AAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Is it a
fantasy? Does this man really
exist? Is he what he looks like? I
spoke to him and he sounded so
good...we spoke English,
French, and I believed in him.
This may be a figment of my
imagination, he may not be real,
in the sense that he may not be
who he is in his pictures. The
voice sounded like a young
man, and fit the pictures that I
have been admiring so! Last
night, a man at the bar I was at,
suggested that perhaps this is
not an honest man, it is not the
“Hercules” that I have seen on
the pictures. In other words he
is not what he seems, he is not
the man in the pictures, it is a
FANTASY! I don’t care, fantasy or
not, it is still my fantasy, if it be
one, and it pleases me
tremendously. Such a man that
would be attracted to me is
enough. I am revitalized and I
am enjoying my moment in the
sun. It is the most exciting
experience I have ever had. In
our phone sex, he jacked off
and ejaculated...that is what he
told me and I believe him. If I
had such a man, I would gladly
be his and he mine, I would
leave him my home, I would
cherish him for the rest of our
lives, BUT I would not own him...I
would let him be GINO, MY
GINO, but I would let him be who
he is, a free spirit, a beauty of
nature, a work of art, a strong
handsome virile man that he is
and always will be! GINO is no
longer...
The previous pages were
devoted to a handsome man I
met on Silverdaddies and I even
spoke to on Skype...but, “Alas, it
was probably just a fantasy”.
Anyway, he doesn’t write to me
anymore. I don’t regret the
experience...such an incredibly
handsome man!
Oct. 18th to Oct. 29th 2010
It just seems that I cannot keep
up to date on this diary like I
used to, and so I find myself
trying to catch up by “clumping”
what I remember in a week, or in
this case, two weeks. I continue
to have dreams, but cannot
write them down because I
forget what I dream about by the
time I get to this diary. How
marvelous and exciting dreams
are...you’re imagination is at
“full throttle”, with no
impediments. You can travel
anywhere, be with anyone, do
incredible things, etc.I thank
God that I usually sleep well,
dream, and wake up to enjoy
another day.
I’ll try to catch up on activities
by going backwards: Oct.29
(today): I woke up around 9:
00AM and did not sleep very
well. I don’t know what was on
my mind...maybe Larry who
continues to park in my
driveway. Last night, when I
came back from running some
errands, he was in the driveway
which I found to be very
awkward and an inconvenience
and I honked my horn to tell him
to move out of the way and
Frances, from across the street
came out. I don’t think the
neighbors are very happy about
Larry continuing to park there.
He is homeless and I have done
the best I can for him. I allow him
to park there at night, give him a
cup of coffee and sometimes
something for breakfast, have
called the shelter a few times to
try and get him in a shelter, but I
don’t think he makes an effort to
get himself “inputted” and get
to a shelter. I have made a
decision to tell him that Doris,
my sister, is coming to visit next
Monday for a week and that he
cannot park there anymore. It’s
a lie...she’s not really coming,
but I can’t have him do that
anymore. I think I’ve done
everything I can for him, but he
has to go. He’s homeless,
sleeping in his truck, but I can’t
be responsible for him...NOT
ANYMORE!. I didn’t play tennis
this morning, regrettably,
because I was too tired for lack
of sleep. I do enjoy playing. I will
wait until next Monday and be
sure and rest up so I can play. I
do enjoy it so! Today, I also paid
a few bills and straightened up
in the kitchen and got some
papers in order. These are all
negatives...I should have
started with the Positives, but I’
ll mention that later. Two more
negatives: one is that I called up
Democratic Headquarters here
in Pasadena and had the
intention of going to Lake and
pick up some signage to put up
on my lawn for the democratic
candidates but changed my
mind when I was told that I had
to pay for the signs. The heck
with that. Secondly, Doris called
and wanted to talk to “pass the
time away” as she put it. After
talking for a while, she abruptly
announced that she was at Bill’s
and that was the end of our
conversation. I guess it is partly
due to my “jealousy” but also for
this “shrug” from her. I wasn’t
very happy about that. I have
the feeling that one of these
days, she will attempt to come
and visit...WITH BILL, her new
beau. As long as I live, I will
never welcome him in my home.
She may try to persuade me, but
I cannot let this man come to my
home. I believe he is a
homophobe, and I don’t like him.
Their visit here will never
happen. I think I am coming
down with a cold...my nose is
itchy, I feel sneezy, and I’m
taking Airborne, aspirins,
sudafed, to try and fight off this
cold, if indeed it is one. Larry
came over on Tuesday for my
piano lesson and he had a cold.
I hope I didn’t catch it from him.
Yesterday (Oct. 28th), I went for
a walk, then when I came back, I
rode my bike. It was a nice ride
and I even stopped to fill the
tank up. It took just a little while
to warm up and start up (the
bike), but I got it going and went
for my ride, up York Blvd. to the
mountains, in Altadena. I enjoy
my rides. I want to keep it for
enjoyment and also, so that the
carburetor doesn’t get clogged.
On Wed. Oct. 27th, I went to play
tennis and had three great sets.
It was wonderful playing after
almost over two weeks of not
playing due to the rain. There
were not that many people
there, but I did play with some
fairly good players and good my
exercise which is so important
to me. I always like to tell
people: “Oh year, I play two or
three times a week, for as long
as my legs are still good and my
lungs allow me. Of course,
smoking is not a good thing to
do...well, I’ve talked about that
before and will attempt again
sooner or later to quit. After my
tennis, I came home, watched a
little TV, went to pick up my pills
and pretty much relaxed for the
rest of the day and went to bed
around 10:30 PM. I also did go
out with Phil for our “weekly
jaunt at a restaurant for our 2 for
1 luncheon”. I do enjoy these
get-togethers. The previous
days were pretty much standard:
Tues. Oct. 26th
I went for my walk, stayed home
for the day because of the rain
Mon. Oct. 25th
No tennis due to rain. Stayed
home
except for grocery shopping and
cleaning the house a little bit.
Sunday Oct. 24th
I went to Mass and had two
wonderful
things happen. John Davis and
his fa-
mily joined me in Church. This
Sunday,
I talked to Richard, the man in
charge
of Church activities and I got
him to
allow me to bring the “offerings
to the
priest at the altar. John
assisted. It was a
great experience. Then I took
the family to lunch As I continue
going backwards, now from Oct.
23 to Oct. 17th, I guess I have to
summarize. I have not played
tennis in all of this time because
of the rain, although, I did go to
the courts on Wed. the 20th and
even though it was a little misty,
we still managed to play two
sets. There were not too many
people there, but I still managed
to play a little. Otherwise, I
managed to do a little walking
when it was not raining and I
did. I also did some Substitute
Teaching for two days in that
period of time: Thurs., Oct. 21st
and Fri., Oct. 20th. My next
check should be about $320
which will be very nice in
helping me to pay my bills. It is
getting a little overwhelming
right now because all my taxes
on all  my three homes are due. I
have nobody to blame but
myself for this, but the extra
work (subbing) and pay comes
in very handy.
The two other activities that
come to mind (so I can wrap this
up) is Bowling last Sat. the 23rd.
It was nice getting together with
the group and we had a great
time then a good dinner at Marie
Callender’s. Also, last Tuesday,
the 26th was my piano lesson
and I had to tell Larry that this
was my last one. First of all, he
is getting very forgetful and
mixes up the dates and times,
and has even forgotten one day
of practice. Also, I don’t like the
way he handles my fingers on
the piano. He takes  my fingers
and jams them on the keys
sometimes and I think this is
due to frustration on his part.
Also, another reason for my
quitting the lessons is because
of the money. I’ve got to
economize somehow. I do want
to practice, every now and then,
however. I must practice so that
I don’t lose what I have learned.
- fin -

Friday November 5, 2010
I find that I can no longer keep
up with this Diary on a daily
basis. But I will continue putting
down my experiences, positives
and negatives, as often as I can.
Yesterday, Nov. 4th, I did not
sleep very well. I had a few
things on my mind, one of which
is cancer. Because I smoke, I
worry about that. I want to quit,
but I continue. I had the
intention of going to play tennis
today, but I woke up early. I
dreamt last night.

DREAM  Thirty-one
I had much difficulty in sleeping,
but I finally did, for probably
about 5 hours. I had two dreams,
totally unrelated I think. I am
trying to get to my dream now
before I forget. Vividly, I can
remember in one trying to
protect and save two cats from
the claws of a beautiful wild cat.
I want to say it is a bobcat, or
maybe a lynx. I have with me a
mature cat, possibly my cat, Miss
Kitty and a kitten. We are
somewhere away from home and
all of a sudden, there is this
beautiful large (about the size of
a cocker spaniel) cat, mottled
with orange, black and yellow
spots, a very thick tail and a
beautiful small round face. He
doesn’t seem to be threatening
to me at all, and I think at one
point, I try and pet it...but I am
more concerned with trying to
protect my cats. Other details of
the dream include trying to put
my cats in the car without
success, putting them in the
barn, but the barn door won’t
close tight enough, then trying
to keep them in the shed, but I
can’t do it. At one point, the
“bobcat” grabs the kitten in its
jaws, but I smack it on the head,
and it drops it. The rest of this
dream is vague, too vague to
remember.

In the second dream, I am in a
large hall and possibly am
teaching at this institution. We
have a couple of entertainers
that come to sing for the
assembly. They are a man and a
woman. I don’t remember the
man much, but the woman is
dressed in a dark suit, and she
is a rather “Amazonian” type. At
one point, I help her get up on
one of the tables where she
performs. Two other aspects of
the dream have to do with my
driving along somewhere and as
I begin to go up a hilly part of
town, I see a boy drenched in
sunlight, in front of his home, in
front of the garage, and this boy
reminds me of myself when I
was his age. The other part of
this dream I remember, is talking
to the entertainer about this
incident, and showing her a
photo of myself when I was just
a boy, relating the picture to the
boy I saw just a while ago while
driving along. Finally, the last
scene is that the woman
entertainer gives me a piece of
tile, dark in color and irregularly
shaped, about the size of  a
card, a playing card, and she
points to a broken piece of tile
on the floor and asks me to
replace the broken tile with the
one she is giving me. If I where
to describe the shape of the
piece of tile, I would say, after
looking at a map of the U.S., it is
similar to the shape of Florida
and Texas, combined. A more
accurate description would be
the combination of Florida,
Alabama and Georgia, when
looked at a map. The joining of
these three states as you look at
the shape on the map, is similar
to the shape of the tile. I wonder
what the importance of this
“shape” is in this dream?
Nov. 6th to Nov. 30th
Much has happened in the last 3
weeks or more that I will
summarize here the best that I
can. I continue to dream and
remember some of the parts of
dreams and forget many other
parts, sometimes, not
remembering whole dreams. I
have continued playing tennis
which is the love of my life,
taking walks occasionally,
attending club functions such as
meetings, parties, and other
social activities. The highlights
of these past 3 weeks fall into 3
main events: Thanksgiving
Dinner, Paul and buying a new
car.
Thanksgiving 2010
On Thursday, Nov. 26th, I had my
Thanksgiving Dinner here in
Pasadena for the 4th year in a
row. This takes a lot of
preparation and as with get-
togethers in my home, I always
worry that the events will go
well and they always do. This
year, I had a total of 18 guests
that attended. I had beautifully-
decorated tables in the
following rooms: a table for 6 in
the dining room, table for 6 in
the living room, and two tables
in the new back room, the patio
enclosure, one table for 4, the
other for 2. Don Helton brought
the delicious turkey, Ray
Lusinck, his cranberry mold
dish, David Yerkes and Andy,
hors d’oeuvres, ham and salad,
other guests, vegetable dishes,
salads, desserts, wine and
champagne. It was a total
success and everybody ate well,
and enjoyed themselves. I was
left with quite a bit of cleaning
which took two days of work, but
that’s “part of the course”.
Guests also sat outside by the
wood fire in the wood pit (or
drum). I’m always concerned
that things go well, but they
always do.
Paul
I met a man named Paul in the
desert three weeks ago. I met
him at a party that I was invited
to by Joey, my Korean friend
that I play tennis with. Paul was
bartending at the party I went to
and we looked at each other and
were very much attracted to
each other. That weekend was
the Gay Pride Festival in Palm
Springs and on  Sunday, I went
to the Parade and Festival with
Joey and friends and  had  such
a wonderful time. I met John, a
man that I have been
corresponding with on SD and
he introduced me to a friend of
his named Terry. They both were
very nice people and very
attractive. Later, I went to the
Festival with Bill and Harold. Oh
I forgot to mention the fact that
Bill Bliss and his partner Harold
were guests at my home in DHS.
I met Paul at the entrance to the
Festival and we spent a good
part of the afternoon, walking
around and having a pleasant
talk.
The Encounter with my Ex
I have dreaded the time when I
would eventually meet John
face to face. John and I lived
together for 13 years, with a 2
month separation, but
otherwise, 13 years in the same
home. He walked out one day
and I took it very hard for the
first year, not wanting to do
anything, not wanting to go out,
not wanting to meet people, just
feeling sorry for myself and
going through all the emotions
that a human being can
experience, I believe. That’s
when I met Ed who took me out
of my shell, introduced me to
the Club I belong to, PCMC
(Pacific Coast Men’s Club). and
helped me to “get back on my
feet”, so to speak. I told Ed that I
wanted to be “Friends” and
nothing else with him. We were
intimate at times, but I was
never satisfied because he did
not interest me sexually, but I
treasured his friendship more
than anything else. But I
digress. Getting back to John
Lewis, my ex, I finally met him
after almost 6 years and I had
dreaded this encounter. When
he left, he “closed the door
behind him and never looked
back”, meaning, he just didn’t
want anything to do with me
anymore. I made a few attempts
at the beginning to try and stay
in touch with him, but he
refused to reciprocate. I have
spent long periods of time
blaming myself for the
separation, but “life must go
on”. Anyway, as Paul and I were
walking around the Festival
grounds, I saw John (who had
put on quite a bit of weight and
looked fat), and we embraced,
kissed, and spoke a few words.
He was with his usual friend,
Ken (I came across his partner
Chris a few minutes later), which
I greeted and John also
introduced me to a man, short, a
little heavy, whom I assumed to
be his “new lover”. I introduced
him to Paul and we went on our
separate ways. The encounter
was very casual and went very
well for me. Now, if I never see
John again, it won’t matter at all.
And Paul.....
is such a sweet man. I have felt
very comfortable with him. This
past Sunday, Nov. 28th, I went
down to the desert, unpacked
my clothes at the house, chatted
with Brady, then picked up Paul
and we went to Bongo Johnny’s
(I think that’s the name...it is on
Arenas Road where all the gay
activities are) and had a nice
Brunch. We then went to the
house and Paul saw my home,
spent some time there, then
later on that evening we went to
“Shame on the Moon” and had
dinner and watched a mediocre
show of the impersonator
named ______ (I don’t remember
his name), who is well know for
impersonating Judy Garland.
The performance was not that
good, but Paul and I had a good
time. I had lamb chops which I
love and Paul had spare ribs. I
paid for both meals, although
Paul paid the tip. I don’t want to
get in the habit of paying for his
meals, etc., but I did it this time,
but cannot afford to do it on a
regular basis. My intention was
to tell him about my HIV status,
but I did not. But any contact we
had was “safe” and I know I will
have to tell him sooner or later. I
don’t know what the result will
be, but I care for this man very
much. We spent the night in my
home in each other’s arms and
slept together. At night, as we
stood outside the front of my
home, watching the stars and
the view, we both saw a
shooting star. That was very
special to me. We made a wish
and what I wished for is a
secret, because if you reveal it,
it may not come to pass, they
say. But I can say, that it had to
do with Paul and I. We had
breakfast the next day in my
home, I drove him to his mobile
home in the park he lives in,
then I went to visit Joey, and
sought his advice, especially on
my concern over my HIV status
and my growing relationship
with Paul. I listened to Joey and
he gave me some good advice. I
then drove home, with hardly
any traffic on the road, and
arrived home with no mishap.
That night, I talked to Paul on
the phone, and he texted me a
wonderful message which made
me feel very good, and I
responded. Our next meeting
must include my talk about my
HIV. I dread the time, but it must
be done. I pray God that he will
not reject me.

DREAM thirty-two

Thursday Dec. 2, 2010
Today, I took a nap around 3:30
PM and dreamt that I was at a
function and it was time to eat. It
reminded me of the seminary
where meals were sparse
and we had to do with what  we
were served. I was very hungry
as my appetite goes and I
improvised my “plate”. We were
given small dishes, plastic little
bowls to put our food in, but I
took a container (plastic also) so
I could put more food in the
container. I forgot what the food
was, but it wasn’t much, not
much variety anyway. I took big
portions of, say it was salad and
some kind of stew, bread and
butter and made my way to the
table. Somehow, I misplaced my
tray while going back for maybe
a knife and fork and found it
eventually. I woke up shortly
after this and had a craving for a
peanut butter sandwich which I
made and ate. I think this was
because I was thinking of the
seminary where we were served
peanut butter often in the
morning and the goal was to put
the peanut butter on our plates,
which we dished out from a dish
that we got from the nuns
kitchen, and to make as many
peanut  butter sandwiches  as
possible. Anyway, I satisfied my
craving for a peanut butter
sandwich when I awoke from my
dream.
In Retrospect...Wed. Dec. 1, 2010
I talked to Paul from Palm
Springs for quite a while last
night, from around 6:30 to 7:15
PM. I say “talked to Paul”, which
is not quite correct, because he
spoke nonstop about his
problems, Ty and Warren and his
lover Larry. It was very
revealing, the whole
conversation. I was debating
and waiting for the time to tell
him I am HIV, but now, there is
no need. From what I have
gathered from his talk, he is in
perfect health and he
complained mostly about two of
his best friends who are
suffering from various ills which
he is fed up with, fed up with
hearing about their ills and their
lack of doing something about it,
mainly exercise. But the most
revealing point of the
conversation is his great love
for a 75 year-old man named
Larry with whom he has fantastic
sex, but unfortunately does not
want him as a lover. I cannot
compete with that, especially
since Paul is in need of good
sex and he gets it now and then
from a 75 YEAR OLD MAN! He
says Larry gets hard at the drop
of a hat. Good for him. I am sadly
not for Paul, nor he for me. I will
no longer count on any kind of
relationship with him. I am not
about to be heartbroken again.
That is pretty much the end of
it.    

December 11, 2010
For the past two weeks, things
have been pretty much the
same. I still continue to play
tennis, but have not gone for
walks as often as I used to. The
notes for today reflect pretty
much what I am going through
right now. I am going through a
period of uncertainty in my life.
For the first time, I feel very
vulnerable as far as finances go.
I am really feeling the crunch. I
have pretty much used up all my
savings. What has been very
much of a strain on me is having
to pay real estate taxes on my
three properties. I am left with
one property not rented, the
other, with very little rent, and I
think I will have to get a tenant
here in my own home in
Pasadena. I have recently paid
over $3,300 just in real estate
taxes. That is not counting the
property insurance on all three
homes. If I can get a decent
amount back from income taxes,
I might be able to get out from
under this mass of bills and
depletion of my savings. It
never ends. I never should
have bought the property in the
desert. I’m afraid I took too
much of a bite. It’s not the time
to sell, so I am stuck with three
properties with no income
except for $500 from the one in
the desert. I am going to have to
change things...very soon. I
have to cut down on spending...
cut corners.

CHRISTMAS EVE
(December 24th, 2010
Well, quite a bit has happened
for the past 2 weeks (almost two
weeks). Yet, in a way, things
have been pretty much the
same. I played tennis on a
regular basis for the first week,
but the second week has kept
everybody off the tennis courts
and in fact, has kept people
mostly indoors....RAIN! My
goodness, I don’t remember
seeing so much rain, except a
few years ago where my garage
got flooded and the same thing
happened this time. I need to
put a drain in front of the garage
door, but I can’t afford that. I put
foam on the bottom but water
still got inside. I don’t know if it’
s because I left the garage door
open one night or because it
still (the rain) seeps in through
the bottom. Anyway, there has
been no tennis for about a
week. Today, I went to play after
so long. I played three sets and
lost all of them. I don’t mind
losing but when it’s three out of
three sets, that is kind of
discouraging. I heard from Ed
who is kind of stuck in Palm
Springs because Josie’s son,
Marc, had some kind of
“blockage”, I think in the
esophagus...I’m not sure what it
is, but they had to rush him to
the hospital and Ed has to stay
down there and help Josie out.
It’s just as well, because I have
two functions to attend: today,
Christmas Eve, I am going to Phil’
s for dinner. He will prepare
tacos, although I have to get the
meat  and the  tortillas. I’m  not  
too happy about that. He invited
me over and I end up by
spending the money. He will
have the rest of the ingredients,
but I actually am paying for the
most expensive part of the
meal. On top of all that, I bought
all the ingredients for a
pineapple upside-down cake
and baked it the other night. Oh
well, I’ve been telling Phil I
would make one, since he has
been asking me to for a long
time. Then on Christmas Day, I
am going over to Michael Scott’
s for Christmas Dinner. I am to
be there at 4:00 and dinner is
served at 5:30 PM. Phil will be
there around 1:00 PM to prepare
the turkey. I personally think it
will not be done on time. I’ve
already mentioned it to both of
them, and they assure me that
the turkey will be done by 5:30.

Tutoring
I started tutoring again and I
have the little girl, Leslie Tovar
for my student. I’ve tutored her
before. The family is so nice.
Now the mother has just had
another baby, a little girl named
Briana. Leslie is so sweet. She
works hard to read better and I
enjoy tutoring her. I have
tutored her 4 hours so far. After
Christmas, I will tutor two more
days in December, then spend
New Year’s Eve and New Year’s
Day in the desert in my home.
Phil and Ed will be joining me
there. I think Phil will sleep in
the spare room and Ed will sleep
with me. My gardeners just
showed up. I was hoping they
would since they have missed
one week and the grounds are
really a mess! Well, my life is
pretty much on the same
schedule and I am getting
slightly bored. I think what I
would like the most, something I
want more than anything in the
world is to meet a nice man that
I can spend my remaining years
with. I sometimes think that this
will not be and that I will spend
the rest of my life alone. I am not
giving up hope. There must be
somebody out there who is
looking for me just as I am
looking for him.

DREAM thirty-two

A dream I had
I dream that I  live in a big place
with a lot of land and the place
is old and rustic and a lot of
young people come to visit, all
young men. I think these young
men are from my college days.
We do a lot of drinking and
eventually, undercover cops
show up. A delegate tries to go
off on a plane, which takes off
on my property - over a cliff...
plane starts propellers...and that’
s as far as I can remember.
STRANGE...STRANGE!

Saturday, January 8th 2011
DREAM thirty-three


Dreams are not often vividly
remembered upon awakening.
In my dreams, many “dissipate”
in my mind when I awaken, so
that I am unable to write them
down. But last night, (actually it
was this morning, Sunday, Jan.
9th 2011, around 7:00 AM), I
dreamt and this is the essence
of my dream. I am with my Mom
and Dad and, I think, with my
sister at the seashore. My Mom
tells us that she wants to swim
to a raft with people, about 1
mile offshore. Meanwhile my
Dad and I walk along the beach.
There are two distinct activities
going on. At the time, I did not
think it odd that nobody was
concerned about my Mother
swimming that distance. Anyway,
as my Dad and I walk on the
beach, we come across a young
man doing tests on a dolphin.
Actually, I have added
something that I am not sure
was in the dream. It is a young
man, but I am not sure what kind
of fish he is working on. He may
be an ichthyologist who is
studying a “beached fish or
mammal”. Anyway, at one point,
my Dad wants to take a photo of
the young man and I and the
fish. In our talk with the
“scientist”, we learn that there
is a fluid in the fish that
determines its exact age and
condition. I recall the fluid being
a viscous pink. At that particular
time, I learn something: that
every fish (mammal? I don’t
know) contains this fluid in their
body, and the amount of the
fluid determines the creature’s
age and health. At this point, I
am walking back with my Father,
and we find my Mother and
sister, sitting on a blanket and a
lifeguard strolls up and explains
that Mom had a rough time
swimming to the raft. She got so
tired, she turned back. ......           
End of dream

DREAM thirty-four

Sunday Morning, January 9th,
2011
In this dream, only a few
“scenes” are left for me to
remember. I am in a bizarre
landscape, with nothing but very
desolate scenes...dead trees,
murky pools, hills and
depressions, all of a reddish,
yellow and black color. I am
either walking or riding in some
sort of vehicle and at one point,
I am crossing the railroad tracks
and I rush across the tracks with
the train just crossing, but as I
cross, I am forced to wait before
crossing a second track
because another train is coming
across this track. And so, I am
caught in the middle of two
trains streaming down two
tracks.  Meanwhile, I am
trampling along on this horrible
landscape and I approach a
dwelling and before going into
the house, I must try and get the
“muck off my feet” and I can see
others nearby trying to clean
their feet. This is all I can
remember of this very strange
dream.

Sunday Morning, July 24, 2011

DREAM thirty-five
I can remember two dreams I
had last night, and pretty clearly,
and so, I am writing these down
now. Every night, I must get up
to go to the bathroom,
sometimes 2, 3 or 4 times. There
are times when I have gone to
the bathroom up to 6 times
during the night. I suspect this
may be because I have drunk
too much liquid the evening
before I retire or ate too late,
etc. This is of course
inconvenient, but I still  manage
to fall back to sleep pretty
quickly and still manage to get
about 6 to 7 hours of sleep
every night, on the average.
Due to these circumstances, or
the sleep I am getting, that is,
going to sleep, getting up and
going to the bathroom, then
going back to sleep, getting up
again, to the bathroom, etc., I
seem to have the ability to have
multiple dreams. I don’t think
the dreams are related. For
instance, these were my dreams
last night. I may have dreamt
several dreams since I got up at
least three times, but two
dreams are very vivid...in fact,
after my first one, I went to the
bathroom and before getting
back to bed and falling asleep, I
wrote down my dream.
DREAM ONE:
I am somewhere, out walking
with some friends, and I know
that Phil is with me. At one point,
we are sitting somewhere, but I’
m not sure where. At this point, I
need to go to the bathroom (this
seems to be maybe related with
the fact that, shortly thereafter, I
awoke and did go to the
bathroom here at home), so I
see a restaurant across the way,
make my excuses to the group
and head to the restaurant. I
cannot remember the name of
the restaurant and for some
reason, it seems like it is
important...oh well, let me
continue the story...
I have to go to the bathroom
pretty bad at this point, and
when I enter the restaurant,
there are two waitresses there
and I ask one to use the
bathroom and she hesitates,
looks at the other waitress, and
it is evident that this is a
situation where “The facilities
are for customers ONLY”. But,
both waitresses agree to let me
use the bathroom.. But to my
bewilderment and “shock”, one
of the waitresses follows me in
the bathroom and stays in there,
at a distance, while I attempt to
pee. It’s as if she has to be
there with me so I don’t trash
the place. I attempt to pee, but I
cannot with someone there with
me, especially a woman.
Then in another episode, but
related to this dream (and I don’t
know if this was in the same
dream, or interrupted with my
getting up to pee during the
night), I am back at this
restaurant, and this time I meet
the owner, a woman named
Janelle. She is middle-aged,
with a “hard face”, but
somewhat attractive,
businesslike, but friendly
enough. I can almost picture her
clearly... simple yet elegant,
dressed in dark tones. At one
point, I am looking at some
clothes which are folded over a
sort of wooden rack and some
of the clothes are bermuda
shorts, but they are used, full of
holes...it’s as if I am in a junk
shop, shopping for old clothes,
used clothing which I have done
time and time again with Ed and
Doris, especially, because we
love “antiquating”.
DREAM TWO:
In this dream, on the same day,
actually it is Sunday early
morning, possibly at 4:00 AM,
July 24th, I am dreaming that I
am at my home in the country...I
picture mostly a yard and there
is an old barn and I am looking
to put up a poster of a recent
event, perhaps a club get-
together, a family party, but
whatever the occasion was, a
poster has been made for
advertising. I am fond of doing
posters since I have done work
like this before, going back to
the time, in the 80’s when I was
in charge of the school paper
and advertising... but I digress
here. Continuing with the
dream...I am looking for a
suitable place to put the poster,
perhaps on the left, where there
is some kind of structure,
perhaps a tool shed? But
windows, grates and other
things attached to the building
does not permit me to hang the
poster, so I concentrate my
attention to the barn on my
right....
At this point, I am reminded of
another dream, one that I had
that same evening (or morning)...
now I am on top of a building,
but I am stranded, with no
ladder and I must get down
somehow. There are other
workers on adjoining roofs that
are doing some work and they
have ladders, but the buildings
they are on are not attached to
my building, and I cannot get to
their roof and use their ladder
to get down. (this is quite
incredible, for as I write about
these two dreams, a third is
coming back to me). I must get
back down, and I see passersby
and try to get their attention and
at this point, I use “sign
language” to get their attention
and try to communicate to them
that I must get down, but I don’t
have a ladder and I need for
someone to get a ladder for
me....that is all I can remember
of this part of the dream.
Now I continue with the second
dream...I am looking at the barn
and I can see where I can put
the poster up and envision
other posters being placed on
the side of the barn for different
future events. I talk to someone
there about, of all things,
medical plans. He, the other
person, talks about his medical
plan that I used to have, and I
talk to him about a new plan that
I have and we share the
different benefits that we have
with our different plans. At this
point, a beautiful little puppy,
snow white in color, with dark
brown eyes, comes into the yard
chasing a bright pink ball and I
think he is the cutest little
puppy I have ever seen. A man,
a worker, a peasant comes in
looking for the dog, apparently
the dog’s owner. I use the term
“peasant” I do not know why,
but he is perhaps a farmer in the
area. We talk about the dog and
I find out that he knows a man
that has about 7 other dogs,
maybe from the same litter and
he tells me that the owner is
asking for only one dollar ($1.00)
for the puppies. I tell him that I
want a dog and will pay that
price...he hesitates, then I
bargain with him: $2.00...$5.00....I
then wake up from the dream.
These are my dreams for this
Sunday, July 24th, 2011.
Why are these dreams so vivid
and others are not so, to the
point that I cannot remember
details, I don’t know.
My dreams are important in the
sense that they mean that I am
sleeping soundly, and there has
to be reasons for them. It is a
mystery that I cannot
understand. In a documentary
about dreams that I saw not too
long ago, one researcher stated
that: “Perhaps dreams are signs
that they warn the dreamer of
future events that will occur, but
present warnings to the
dreamer to prepare for
situations that will require
proper coping strategies.
Thank you God for letting me
breathe correctly and dream
these wonderful and exciting
dreams.

Dream on Wed. July 27, 2011

DREAM thirty-six
I dreamt this morning around 4:
00 AM that I am in school, but as
a student and I believe I am in a
French class. The teacher (and I
think it is Paul Scibetta, a Dean
from my old school Mt. Vernon.
He apparently was a lady’s man
and had an affair with the ESL
Coordinator)...and in this dream,
he calls me aside to tell me that
one of the students has
complained about me. He says
she doesn’t like me and he
wanted to let me know. Well that
is kind of serious with me
because I want everybody to
like me and I feel bad usually if I
am not liked by someone. I ask
the teacher who the person is,
but at first he is reluctant to
give out the name. Meanwhile, I
dream that I go into a classroom,
but cannot find my seat, and
then I ask the teacher and she
informs me that I have been
transferred to a much higher-
level class because I am
proficient in  French - it is my
native language. I don’t know if
this occurs before or after I find
out who doesn’t like me in the
classroom. I think I left home
late and that is why I was late
coming into the classroom.
There is another incident in this
dream that occurs, but I am not
quite sure where it fits in...I
come home at the end of the day
and I have put a pan on the
stove and the burner is still on,
but luckily the pan had some
water in it, but it has been on
the stove which was lit all day.
This is a reminder that lately
when I was staying in my home
in the desert (Desert Hot
Springs), one day I came back
from shopping and Brady
mentioned the fact that I had left
one of the burners on when I
left, but this time there was no
pan. He kind of scolded me on it.
When I mentioned this to Ed, I
said: “We have to be careful
when we leave to make sure the
stove is always turned off”. He
immediately replied: “It wasn’t
me.” As a matter of fact, I
believe it was he that left the
stove on, but I didn’t want to  
pursue it...... I have learned from
experience that he can be very
stubborn, but that is
understandable because I
myself can be very stubborn
about certain things.
Continuing the dream, I spoke to
the teacher again and this time
he told me who was upset with
me and it was Stephanie. When I
was at Mount Vernon, one of my
dearest friends was Stephanie
Linder. She figures in this
dream. She was upset with me
for some reason and I felt very
bad, but I couldn’t let on that I
knew because I had heard about
her displeasure toward me from
the teacher. I had to find a way
to get back in her graces....then
I woke up.

DREAM thirty-seven

Dream Sat. 3:00 AM July 31, 2011
I had several dreams this
morning. In one dream, I am
living in the desert, I’m not sure
where, and my neighbors are
David Yerkes and Andy Ayers. In
this dream, Andy is clipping his
dogs. I believe he has two
poodles and one has already
been clipped and he is in the
process of clipping the second
dog. He has put all sorts of
ribbons on his dog so that he
looks kind of “freaky” and he is
ready to cut and trim his dog. I
see David further up “the slope”
and say hello and proceed to my
home. That is pretty much all I
remember about this dream. In
the second dream, there are
several components to it. I meet
a lady and she has a friend and
her friend is about to go
shopping and asks her if she
wants to pick up a bottle of gin,
vodka, or other hard liquors.
You see, her friend is an
alcoholic.
In another dream, I am staying at
a home with many different
rooms, a very large place. I have
had dreams in the past where I
own these homes, one a large
three to four-story home and
there are parts of the home that
I have never even explored.
Another place that I own is a
very simple place that needs a
lot of work. I use to dream of
these places before the homes I
have bought since 2011, one in
Maine and the other in the Palm
Springs desert area. Anyway, in
this dream, I am preparing for
my trip back home. I think I may
visiting some place in Europe.
All of a sudden, on the day of
departure, I realize that I haven’t
even checked the departure
time on  my tickets. At this stage,
I am frantically looking for my
ticket that I cannot locate, and
so I proceed to look in all of my
luggage because I fear that I
may miss my flight back home....
then I wake up.

DREAM thirty-eight

Dream on Sun. 7/31/2011 8:00 AM
What this started off as a diary
of dreams has turned up to be
several different writings. The
last numbered dream was
“Dream 25” and after that, this
document pretty much became a
diary, however, if I want to
continue to distinguish between
a “Diary” and “Dreams”, let’s
say, this entry now will be
“Dream 26 of many others”, etc.

DREAM thirty-nine

Dream 39 of many others....
On Sunday, the last day of July,
7/31/2011, I dreamt again, and
this particular dream stands out
pretty clearly in my mind. I am
driving along a road and I then
come to a fork in the road,
where the road bears to the
right and left and I decide to
take the right fork. I have seen
cars driving this way before and
I am curious as to where it leads
to. It is a very narrow road with
wood, rocks and other obstacles
to the right and to the left and I
must be very careful on this
narrow road not to hit anything. I
notice that the car before me
almost hits obstacles on the
side of the road. When I come to
the end of the road, I then get
on a platform, which moves to
the left and tilts and my car and
myself fall into the water. I then
swim out and notice that there
are people there milling around
on the shore, some acting like
they are in a resort. I panic and
want to get out of there and find
out what has happened and why
and how do I get my car back. I
walk to the office and I am told
to speak to a lady who is pointed
out to me. She is busy in her
office with people walking
around and the office is dirty,
with junk all around and she
doesn’t look very professional.
That’s all I remember. Perhaps
this dream refers to my ongoing
quest to get rid of my present
Prius and my wish to get a brand
new one with GPS....

Dream forty
Today, Thursday, August 4, 2011,
at about 8:00 AM, I had a dream.
Now, at 10:15 AM, as I am writing
about the dream, it has become
more sketchy and I only
remember parts of the dream.
I am in a school, teaching a
course and at one point, I have
my laptop open with a desktop
photo of the kids in the
classroom. However, I have to
be careful and I am concerned
that somebody could go to the
laptop and click on some of my
personal material. I am dealing
with this young lady who is very
influential in the sense that she
is probably the president of a
student program that I am in
charge of. Somehow, I have to
put my truck (yes in this dream, I
own a truck) at the club’s
disposal. Later on in the dream, I
talk with this young lady (I can
almost picture her in my mind)
and notice that she has a
necklace with a pendant which
has been awarded to her and
means that she has much
“power” now in her club. The
next event is that I am told that
since I cannot commit to having
the club use my truck for their
activities, she basically “fires”
me and that is pretty much the
last thing I remember about this
dream.

DREAM forty-one
On Saturday, Aug. 6, 2011, I had
a dream at about 3:00 AM. I
dreamt that I was teaching,
perhaps substitute-teaching, in
a class and there was a guest in
the front, perhaps there to
observe me. This is a procedure
that usually occurs for a new
teacher and the purpose of
course is to evaluate the new
teacher, usually done by a
“master teacher” with
experience. Well this particular
teacher was none other than...
ANGELA LANSBURY, or should I
say “Jessica Fletcher”.It’s not
too unusual to have her in one
of  my dreams since I am a great
fan of hers and I also have the
“Murder She Wrote” collection
and I watch episodes of the
program just about every night.
Back to the dream...I am in the
back of the class and she
signals to me that she is writing
me a note and that I should read
it. She has collected, or rather,
the students have brought up
their assignments to her in the
front of the class. She is sitting
behind what looks like a lectern.
At this point, my attention is
taken by a young man sitting in
the back, way over on the right
side. He is one of my favorite
students, a very handsome
young man and he has been
always pretty quiet, but all of a
sudden, he starts talking quite a
bit with me. As I said, he is a
very handsome boy.
At this point, I should make it
clear that I sometimes come
across very handsome young
men, usually high school age,
and I have an attraction towards
them. It’s important to say at this
stage that I curtail my thoughts
and I have no “bad thoughts”
concerning them. Very often,
they remind me of when I was
young, handsome, full of life,
adventurous...
Well, now that I’ve made this
clear. I wanted to be clear on
this because I am attracted to
men, but always to those my
age, slightly younger, or
preferably, a little older. Anyway,
after my chat with this young
man, it is time to dismiss the
class. I go to the front and
review the assignments left on
Jessica’s lectern and I am going
to read her note. The
assignments, by the way, are on
small square pieces of paper,
neatly piled up by Jessica, the
size of these pieces of paper
(assignments) are about 3”x3”.
Now I am reading her note and I
can pretty much visualize the
paper and her writing. I cannot
remember, of course, the exact
content, but it has to do with a
note from the French Teacher
(?) indicating that she will not be
in tomorrow and I should let the
office know. Perhaps the note
even contains a lesson plan? At
this stage, I need to call the
office and let them know, so I go
next door to another teacher’s
classroom and ask to borrow the
phone to make the call to the
office. I feel like I’m imposing,
but the teacher, a beautiful
young lady, lets me use the
phone. The phone is in an
alcove in the room and as I am
about to grab the phone, the
young lady comes over, reaches
out near the phone to get a
cigarette that she has been
smoking. That’s a strange twist.
Then I wake up.

DREAM forty-two

On Monday, August 8, 2011, I
had this dream at about 2:00 AM.
I am dreaming that I am in a
garage where I have a van
parked. I have to get going to a
town hall or some kind of hall
where a small group that I
belong to will put on a show. In
this dream, my brother Paul and
my neighbors Joy and Randy are
characters who play a role. My
brother Paul is on his way to the
hall, but I don’t have the
address nor the phone number
of the hall. This has happened
before and I had to miss the
meeting, but that is because, at
that time, either I or my brother
Paul did not have a cell phone,
but this time, he has his )or I
have mine) and so I can call him
to ask him directions.  The rest
of the dream is kind of sketchy
although I remember some
incidents. I don’t know what
happened next concerning the
call I needed to make to my
brother for directions, and
perhaps this next scene
indicates that I either didn’t get
a chance to make the call or I
woke up before the call...
anyway, a man came into the
garage and introduced himself
as the owner and also there was
a boat garaged there in the
back...that’s all I remember from
that scene. Another part of the
dream introduces Joy and Randy
who call me over, outside, to
come and look at two new
barstools they just bought. Also,
at one point, I thought they
owned  the garage and allowed
to park my van there. But in
another scene, I have parked my
Prius in Joy’s garage and she is
furious that I did that without
asking her. Then I wake up.

DREAM forty-three

On Tuesday, Aug. 9, 2011, I
dreamt in the morning that I am
visiting the home of Don and
Jesse. At one point, I am driving
a nice-looking convertible and I
am at their house and they have
a few guests over, but I am
totally ignored and nobody talks
to me...it’s as if I don’t even
exist. Then in one part of the
dream, it seems like the tables
are turned and they are visiting
me and I put one of the female
guests up in like a tower and
she wants to come down, but I
don’t release her.. this part of
the dream is very vague.
In another dream, I have left the
movie theater and it is the one I
used to go to in Lewiston, the
Priscilla theater and I used to go
there in the hope of meeting
someone in the bathroom.
Anyway, in this dream, I am
leaving the theater and then as I
am outside, I realize, I HAVE TO
GO TO THE BR and I ask the
ushers to let me back in to use
the bathroom, but I have trouble
getting them to help me. They
are of East Indian descent I
believe, and finally they let me  
my father  Later on, I am making
my way back home after using
the bathroom, and I see myself
at night, climbing a particular hill
that I remember well because
when I was learning how to
drive, I remember coming down
the hill and I had to brake
because a dog had run out in
front of the car...when I got
home, I told the story to my
father, with pride, because I felt
I had done a good thing and I
think he was proud of me. One
of the rarest good feelings
about my father.
In another part of the dream,
although it seems very
unrelated, I am visiting with Joe
Borerro, or maybe it is John
Lewis, both past lovers, and in
the morning, as I am leaving,
Joe’s partner (or maybe it’s
John’s) comes in. I vaguely can
remember what he looks like,
but he is nice-looking....etc.
That’s pretty much all I
remember about this dream. The
strange aspect of this and
dreams lately, is that the
characters are those of today, or
recently, and they are part of my
dream.

DREAM forty-four

My computer seems to be
running slower and slower to
the point that this morning,
when I turned it on and wanted
to access Pagemaker to enter
my latest dream on the word
processor, it took so long to
load that I tend to lose sight of
my dreams, forget them, but I’m
still going to write down my
latest dream below.
It is about 6:00 AM on Friday
morning, Aug. 12, 2011 and I am
dreaming that I am on a bike in
front of the City Park in
Lewiston, Maine. I am perhaps
close to the age I am today,
possibly younger, and I am on a
bike heading to my mother’s
house to visit her. I am bicycling
right there on Maple St. (I think
that’s the name of the street
right in front of the park) and I
am just turning left at the other
street, in front of the old red
and grey-stonned church, Saint
Patrick’s, and as I going along
on bike, I am having trouble with
the bike - it is very hard to
peddle. Perhaps it needs oiling?
There are three men, walking
near me and they comment on
the work on some of the homes.
Meanwhile, as I am passing in
front of the old stone church,
somebody drives up and parks
in front of the church and this
man gets out and exclaims:
“These are the stones I’ve been
looking for”.  He is talking to
someone in the car, but I cannot
see the passenger. He is
referring to the stone fence in
around the church, and is
pointing in particularly to some
stones that add artwork to the
masonry. It’s as if he is about to
start pounding away with a
mallet to get to these fine
stones. I think the old church is
closed down.
Meanwhile, I am still struggling
with this old bike, and it is
getting harder and harder to
peddle. I can see it clearly, this
scene, as I go down past the old
church and head to Knox St.
where I was born. I am peddling
down the street and get to my
mother’s apartment house.
This is not quite accurate, the
surroundings that is. My family
did live in a three-story
apartment house for a while, but
I think that was on Pierce St...in
this dream, I am on Knox St., but
in front of an apartment house
that didn’t really exist then.
I realize that as I’m standing in
front of her apartment house,
which is more modern that the
apartment houses at this time, I
haven’t even called her to let
her know I’m coming to visit.
Throughout this story, I
sometimes picture her in the
apartment, perhaps in the
kitchen, wearing an old dress,
but with blue and white apron,
all ready for cooking. I can
picture that apron, in front of
her dress, draped around her
neck, blue and white with some
design on the apron, which I
cannot see clearly, but perhaps
something like pots and pans as
motif. At this stage, I am a third
party definitely, because I dream
the characters and see my self
vaguely, and all other
characters, save my mother,
which I can still see fairly clearly
even now as I write down my
dream. She is as usual a rather
short, stocky woman, her hair
either short or long....
Am still right in front of the
apartment and I realize I don’t
have my phone or I’ve forgotten
her number, or maybe I have
even forgotten to bring my
phone so I can’t call her.
(Yesterday, I went to the
Hollywood Bowl with Ed to see
and hear Vivaldi’s “Four
Seasons”, etc. and I forgot to
bring my iphone, which is very
rare. Perhaps that is why this
particular incident also occurred
in my dream, not having my
phone.)
Next in my dream is either
forgotten or perhaps I wake up.
However, there is another
dream here, not associated with
the dream about my visit to my
mother. In this dream, I am
somewhere with a group of
people, mostly all young, and I
am visiting a set, possibly in
Florida, where a whole
community has been built for a
film. I am going along in a
speedboat with young guys, and
we stop off at a house where I
am looking out from the top
floor which is completely
enclosed in glass, and I see a
scene which is very prehistoric,
looking at a swamp with dead
trees sticking out into the sky,
with creatures swimming in its
waters. There are huge “Lizard-
like” creatures that are climbing
along the dead trees, some of
them just laying there sunning
themselves. This is  truly an
incredible sight, very
prehistoric. Then we leave this
house and we are speeding
along in this fast boat, and there
are apartments and homes all
along the way, mostly on the left
side of this “canal” and I ask the
“boys” on board: “Are all of
these structures built just for
the set?” and I am told that most
of them have been built just for
this set in a movie. The next
scene takes place in one of the
boy’s home and we  are sitting
down, and one of the guys
makes a “pass” at me with some
comment, and I remember that
one of the guests in the home
starts to do an impression of
Bette Davis and I laugh my head
off, but the rest don’t seem to
be amused. I thought the
impersonator was very funny....
then I wake up. That is all I
remember of this dream.  

DREAM forty-five

Saturday, August 13, 7:00 AM: I
believe this dream occurred in
the morning after I went to the
bathroom. Very often, I may be
giving the wrong time, because I
always get up once or twice in
the morning and it seems like
most of my dreams occur when I
go back to sleep for an hour or
two, but then again, these
dreams may have occurred
before I woke up.
I am at a school and everybody
there I think are grown-ups. It is
time to leave and people are
milling around in the hallway,
getting their coats to leave. The
coats are actually all “ponchos”.
(blanket-like covers with a hole
in the middle that you put over
your head and wear like a
jacket) and it looks like people
are just grabbing any one. I am
at a loss, because I am looking
for something very simple, sort
of generic, but some of these
are very nice (the ponchos) with
nice designs and some of them
probably expensive, and so I
cannot find one and hate to use
one that somebody will be right
behind to say: “Hey, that’s
mine!” In another part of this
dream, I am outside, ready to
grab a bus that will take me
home, and one of them is
coming down, and the driver isn’
t too concerned about slowing
down and he has to because I
am there in front of him, then as
he goes by, he gives me a very
nasty look...that’s all I remember.

DREAM forty-six

It is about 8:00 AM on Sunday,
August 14, 2011 and I dream that
I am at home, I think my Mom’s
home and the whole family is
getting ready to attend a
wedding. I am not sure who is
getting married, but it’s
somebody in the family...
perhaps Paul? Everybody is
running around getting ready
and Doris notices something on
my skin. I have what looks like
pimples or marks and she and I
talk about them. When I was
young, I had a terrible skin
condition, with a lot of acne and
I was covered on my chest, back
and my face also had many
marks (acne). I recall my mother
having this condition when she
was young. I think this condition
was probably passed on to her
children, although, from what I
remember, I was perhaps the
only one to suffer with this. My
siblings went through the
common “preadolescent”
changes in life, into their
adolescence, but I am the only
one that had a very bad case of
acne and it lasted throughout
my teens. It was very
depressing for me.
And so, my sister Doris, who in
this dream is a nurse, or
attached to the medical field,
proceeds to start going over my
back to see if she can do
something about  this
“infection”.  I am insistent that
this is acne or scars from the
past, but she insists that they
are...I’m not sure what she says,
lice? fleas?...I see in my mind’s
eye, myself sitting down in what
could be the kitchen and she is
“digging” into my skin to try and
determine what it is and how to
get rid of it. Meanwhile, time is
passing and we have to
continue getting ready to go to
the wedding. In one instance,
somebody comes in the kitchen
(let’s say she and I are in the
kitchen), and I ask her to stop
because people are curious and
noisy about what is going on
and I am feeling very bad and
embarrassed. At one point, a
young girl, as I remember her, a
Black girl, with pigtails, in a red
flowered frock, with big brown
eyes, comes in, goes to the
fridge, then after getting
something out of the fridge, she
kind of waits around, trying to
find out what’s going on.
Now I’m beginning to think that
this probably takes place in the
South, in a big ole mansion...and
recently, I was watching
“Murder She Wrote”, as I usually
do at night, (I have gotten the
complete collection of Lansbury’
s “Murder She Wrote”) and I am
at number 49 which recently, at
these numbers, shows her films
and not her series on TV.
Anyway, in this particular film
that I saw, it all takes place in
the deep South and Jessica is in
search of a distant relative and
in the film, through diaries and
old letters, she goes back to the
1880’s and she is playing the
part of an old character in the
past, an aunt of hers...
Seeing this character, this
young Black girl, in the story is
probably associated with the
film. Anyway, my sister stops
checking my back, and I guess
as we indicate the privacy of the
situtation, she leaves. The story
is becoming more and more
vague, but I seem to remember
her showing me some of the
tissue she removes in the form
of bumps, and she is trying to
explain to me that these are
signs of...again, I’m not sure if
were talking about lice, fleas, or
perhaps even insects which are
laying eggs on my skin and
body. UUggghhh! this is rather
depressing, but that’s what I
dreamt.\
I know that I am going to wear a
bright “sandy-colored” suit,
perhaps even  yellow in color.
Now here is the “clincher” to
this dream. In the last scene, I
am looking out of the window
from where I am sitting in the
kitchen, and I see the family car
in the driveway. I think my father
is driving. On the roof of the car
is a HUGE CAKE, yes, I repeat, a
huge cake that we are bringing
for the festivities. If we are
going to a wedding, then it must
be a wedding cake. Somehow,
my father has strapped that cake
to the top of the vehicle and we
are going to bring it with us.
Finally, as we are driving to our
destination (the dream does not
go that far, the destination that
is...), we have to drive through
small towns, and in one, as my
father (I’m pretty sure he’s in
the dream) is barreling through
this one town, ahead of us, a
trucker has just gotten out of
his truck and is about to cross
the narrow street, but  the
space between he, and his
truck, and the other side of the
road is narrow and we assume
that we are going to slow down
and let him cross...but NO...my
father continues without
stopping, and we barely
squeeze through in front of the
trucker. As we drive by, I look
back and see a very, perhaps
angry or at least astonished look
on the man’s face.

ende

DREAM forty-seven
It is Tuesday, August 23rd, in the
year 2011 and I have this dream
at about 6:30AM. I am teaching
and I have two classes, probably
French classes and perhbaps it
is towards the end of the year
and I am going to give a party. I
buy chips, popcorn and other
candy, and buy soda for the
party. At one point, while we are
having the party, someone calls
on my phone...it is a young lady
and she is calling from Alaska
and I think she used to be a
student or wants to talk to one
of the students....
Now we back up in this dream. It’
s almost like this is a flashback
to the dream. Now, I am at
school and I have to find a way
of going out and getting a few
things for the party, such as
chips, pop-corn, cheetos, soda,
etc. Time is running out and a
friend of mine at the school (he
reminds me of someone I knew
in the Air Force, Bob Ruel who
was a friend of mine. He looked
like a weasel. Or this could be
Maurice Loiselle...) has
volunteered to take me oujt to
the store in his car. At this
stage, we only have about 2
minutes left before the kids
come back to the classroom.  
Well, there is nobody at the
school. I think some of the
administrators are on vacation
or they just aren’t at school. One
of the administrators in school
is a black lady that I kind of
liked, but I don’t remember her
name. And so we are off school
grounds and Bob takes me to
some shops, but there are no
stores to get candy. Bob has
come here to look at something
he is interested in in the
department store. At this stage, I
am furious at him and tell him to
take me to a store and that he is
a selfish individual, and that I
have to be back to school now
with the candy for the party.  He
then takes me around the
corner to a store where they
have what I need. But all the
chips and other party candy are
hanging on hooks from the
ceiling. I proceed to take down
some of the bags, Lays potato
chips is one of them, and take
them to the clerk. He is a short
Korean (I think he is Korean)
and starts to add up the items
and gives me a bill for the amout
and I think it is outlandish and
tell him that I will report him to
the police for charging these
outlandish prices. I pay
reluctantly, and get in the car.
Meanwhile Bob is talking to me
trying to calm me down. The
little Korean comes out of his
shop with a card and another
item which I don’t remember. He
gives it to Bob and when we
open the card, there are $15.00,
a ten dollar bill and a five dollar
bill and a talking card which
basically apologizes for the
altercation. The rest of the
dream is a bit sketchy, but Bob
talks to me and tries to calm me
down and I think at this stage I
feel sorry for being the way I am,
mistrusting and always
seemingly complaining. (If Phil
Dessert ever read some of my
dreams, he would have a field
day because he thinks I
complain too much.) End of
Dream

Dreams I Have Recorded
The following dreams have
occurred about two years ago
and were taped as soon as I
awoke, but I never had the
chance to put them on paper.

DREAM forty-eight

Dream of August 8, 2009
This dream is in retrospect,
because I am writing this down
over 2 years later, on  August
25, 2011. In my dream I am
somewhere with my Aunt Connie
and Uncle Adrien. Adrien died
years ago. But in my dream, I am
mostly with my Aunt Connie. We
are somewhere in this dream
and I seem to think that we are
in South Africa. We are at a
camp, where we are sitting
outside. This camp is know for
its past activities, and it was
perhaps a mill. I climb the mill
from outside, but I get stuck
while climbing.At one point, Aunt
Connie says that when I was
young, her friends in South
Africa wanted to sponsor me to
go to South Africa, as a teacher,
or other...I’m not sure. That is all
I remember from this dream.

DREAM forty-nine

Dream of August 9, 2009
In this dream I am visiting a
friend, and I’m not sure if it is a
“sexual encounter”, or
otherwise. Now I am laying down
on the bed. He is in bed with me,
then someone is knocking at the
door and my friend gets up from
the bed and lets his frend in. His
friend comes in holding a beer,
then leaves. In another part of
the dream, we are at the
seashore and my friend goes
wading in the water. He is with
some other friends that I know
and I think there are others in
the dream, and some of the
characters are women. I want to
go in the water, but I don’t have
any bathers with me. And so,
next, I am walking along the
seashore and I come across a
structure...(I can picture the
structure now), and it looks like
the ruins of a church with a lot
of rubble inside and I seem to
go through this church several
times in my dream. I have to be
careful when I am inside
because of all the rubble, and in
order to get out of the church, I
must go up the steps to the
door, then go outside. I do this
going and exiting several times
in my dream. I see a path, to the
right of the church, and I see
someone in the water wading,
but the water seems murky and
cloudy. I want to go into the
water, but I am looking for my
friend....at this point, my dream
ends.

DREAM fifty

Dream Aug. 16, 2009
Today is Sunday, Aug. 16, 2009. I
woke up early this morning at 6:
30 AM, watched a little TV, then
went back to bed around 7:20
AM, and this is what I dreamed. I
am at home and there is
someone that I know that is
coming out of the bedroom, but I
don’t know how he got there.
And then I realize that there are
other people in my home in this
dream. Now we  are sitting down
on chairs, outside, most
probably near my home, in the
sun. There are people sitting
down here and there on the
chairs and I ask them to move
the table and chairs because
they are (the chairs) in the sun.
Nobody is willing to tell me what
happened, that is, how did all
these people get here, for what
reason. Am I perhaps having a
barbecue, or what? How did  I
end up by having this man
there, my guest, that I have
been cruising? How did he get
there, to my home? Now the
other people in the group -
people I have know from the
past and I wish I could name
them - number about 6 or 7. I
think Andy is one of the
members of the group, Andy is
David Yerkes’s partner. I am
asking the members to tell me
what has happened, how did we
come together, what happened
last night? I don’t remember
anything. Nobody wants to say
anything, and I know that
something bad has happened.
Finally they leave, and as I look
at the cars, they are all “smoky”
because in one particular car,
Andy is sitting there and he is
smoking and he smokes like a
chimney. After that scene, I don’
t remember much, but the only
thing that comes to mind is that I
am out at a bar and I must have
gotten pretty drunk, maybe even
caused a scene. (That is very
unusual because I never get
drunk), Somebody drives me
home. Maybe I even had an
accident, and I forgot
everything, and now I am at
home with this group of people
and I am trying to find out what
happened the night before. But
nobody is talking, nobody wants
to mention what happened the
night before. Are these friends?
What happened, why does
nobody want to tell me what
happened? That’s the dream.

Thoughts from Aunt Priscilla
(taped on Aug. 29, 2009)

“My father had 5 sisters in
Victoriaville. I had two brothers.
Fern was one of them. He left
and I don’t know if he is still
living. Robert was the elder one
in a special place. Fernand,
went to live in Ohio, then
Connecticut, during the war. He
died and was buried in New
York. He was never buried.
Ray: I don’t remember Pepere
Roberge much, but one day he
took me for a walk and I
remember the grounds beigh
strewn with many dead leaves. I
remember Pepere in my mind.
He was a very big man.
Priscilla: I think at one time he
weighed 300 lbs.
Ray: Now Memere, lived in front
of the park, when she died and
she was living on the second
place with Rosanna. She was
living on Park St. Rosanna and
Clara were sisters. They were
half sisters, Demerise Brogan.
Doris: You must get pretty tired
when we leave, right, with all
this talking.
Priscilla: Oh no, I enjoy talking
like this.
Ray: Did someone in the family
have a glass eye? find out what
happened the night before. But
nobody is talking, nobody wants
to mention what happened the
night before. Are these friends?
What happened, why does
nobody want to tell me what
happened? That’s the dream.

Thoughts from Aunt Priscilla
(taped on Aug. 29, 2009)

“My father had 5 sisters in
Victoriaville. I had two brothers.
Fern was one of them. He left
and I don’t know if he is still
living. Robert was the elder one
in a special place. Fernand,
went to live in Ohio, then
Connecticut, during the war. He
died and was buried in New
York. He was never buried.
Ray: I don’t remember Pepere
Roberge much, but one day he
took me for a walk and I
remember the grounds beigh
strewn with many dead leaves. I
remember Pepere in my mind.
He was a very big man.
Priscilla: I think at one time he
weighed 300 lbs.
Ray: Now Memere, lived in front
of the park, when she died and
she was living on the second
place with Rosanna. She was
living on Park St. Rosanna and
Clara were sisters. They were
half sisters, Demerise Brogan.
Doris: You must get pretty tired
when we leave, right, with all
this talking.
Priscilla: Oh no, I enjoy talking
like this.
Ray: Did someone in the family
have a glass eye? At this point,
Doris and I are laughing
because of the “glass eye” bit.

Doris: Do you remember Joline
Bisonette? How was she related
to us?
Priscilla: She would be Florence’
s daughter. Les Bisonettes had
large families. Those were the
nice times when we all lived on
Knox Street.
At this stage a fire alarm goes
off and Aunt Priscilla does not
know exactly what that sound is.
Priscilla: You’re visiting from
California?
Ray: Yes I am.
Priscilla: And you’re not married,
huh?
Ray: No more.
Priscilla: And you have children?
Ray: They’re all married...Doris,
Paul, Richard and I try to get
together at least once a year.

Ray: I remember being on the
porch, on a long swing, on a
sofa that swung, and on the
second floor, then one day after
a big storm, the swallows came
out and would swoop down and
get all the insects that had come
out after the rain....it’s funny
how some thoughts remain vivid
in your mind.
Priscilla: Yes that’s true...the
swing, I just don’t remember it.
Doris: Your kids come by and
visit you. Do you see  your kids
now and then?
Priscilla: Yes, there’s Helene,
with 4 kids, Norman, Paul,
Raymond...
Ray: You could your boys after
your sisters’ children, huh?
Doris: You had 5 children right?
You have many grandchildren?
Priscilla: I don’t know now.
Connie married, but had no
children.

Forward to Present Time

DREAM fifty-one
Dream on Thurs. Nov. 11, 2010
This is Thursday and I had a
dream last night and in a room
there are three or four women
and one of them is doing a
dance to tease the other women
and I don’t know, but I think I
may be that woman dancing, and
I am in drag. One of the woman
is dressed in sexy leotards and I
have a very long flower that I am
holding, but I think it’s a fake
flower, and as I dance and
gyrate, I take the flower and put
it on parts of her body and
brush the flower across parts of
the body, then all of a sudden,
as I am doing this, I see a huge
tiger....this is an abrupt ending
to the dream.

DREAM fifty-two

Dream on Nov. 13, 2010
This dream occurs at 5:15 in the
morning of Saturday, November
13, 2010 and this is what I
dreamt:
In the dream, I have to drop
somebody off in an area of town
and I have some children with
me and they are waiting in a gift
shop and I am sitting there with
them and in the gift shop are
various types of candles and it
is actually a junk shop and all of
these candles go for a dollar,
$1.49, $159, $2.00, etc. This is
something very familiar with me
because I’m always shopping
around in junk stores, and I
especially look for cheap
candles. The kids are looking
around and see things they
want, but they haven’t got much
money. So I tell them: “You
should just take them”. I’m
actually telling them to steal at
this point. Now were still waiting
to pick somebody up. I’ve
dropped somebody off
somewhere and I promised to
pick them up. I don’t know how
these children come to be in my
care., they are with me and
range in age from 8 to 12...
maybe a little younger. Some of
the children have gotten some
food and one of the girls looks
like she’s eating fudge. She cuts
it up and people are eating the
candy. I realize what I am doing
at this time. I’m actually allowing
these kids to take this food and
eat it (stealing). I wake up.

DREAM fifty-three

Dream on Tuesday,

In this dream, I am with Ed and
we have gone to visit some
friends and there are two girls
there and we are watching
something on TV which has to
do with the Anti-Gay League, or
homophobes are going to be
looking for groups of poeple
who are gay but these
homophobes have a “code
word” which they will use to
identify these groups: “Fellas”.
That’s pretty much all I
remember about this part of the
dream. I am with somewhere
with Ed and there is somebody
with Ed, and I realize that Ed has
made a date with this guy and I
realize that I am a “third wheel”
here and that I should leave
them alone. The funny thing is
that I get in the car and I drive to
my home, which is DIRECTLY
ACROSS THE STREET.  When I
get to the end of the driveway,
then as I look into the house, I
noticed a light on in the house
and I don’t remember leaving
any light on. I get out of the car,
go on the porch, then just as I
am about to open the door,
somebody rushes out of the
house and I grab him. This guy
has glasses, a little shorter than
me, not very attractive, wearing
glasses. Now I want to know
what exactly he is doing in my
house. I am pretty brave talkling
a stranger in my home, but he
doesn’t have a gun. He says he
just came into my house to
relax. It looks like he didn’t steal
anything. Now Ed comes in and I
don’t know if I called him
because I felt something was
wrong. The guy has a package
for us and I am a bit wary about
this stranger opening this
package up, but he does and
inside, there are....steaks...end
of dream.

DREAM fifty-four

Dreams on Sunday, Aug. 28, 2011
I have lost count of the dreams
in so far as the numbering of
them, and so, I now entitle them
by the date. On Sunday morning,
I had two dreams in the early
morning hours between 4:00 AM
and 8:00 AM.
First Dream
In this dream, I am by the ocean
and I believe I am now at a “bait
shop”, although I am not sure
exactly what a bait shop is since
I have never really been in one
except what I see in the movies.
But this shop has fishing gear,
and bait. I am with a group of
people, maybe family, but I’m not
sure who these people are. We
are in the store to get
containers so that we can go out
and schoop up fish and water
and put them in our containers. I
have a cup and I am looking for
fish to put in the cup. I see
pools here and there and as I
approach one pool of water, I
see some fish. I see a rather
large fish compared to the
others, I’d say about 2 or 3
inches long and I want to put it
in the cup that I have. Instead of
using the cup, I reach down and
grab it and as I am putting it into
the cup, he (let’s consider our
“catch” male for now), nibbles at
me, or bites me, and draws just
a little bit of blood. I think at this
point, I am concerned about
rabies. Anyway, the fish is in the
cup of water, but he just barely
fits into the cup. He has no room
to swim in. I need to get a
container that’s big enough for
him. In this town that I am in, I
look around for  a larger
container to put him in. I think I
have seen people sitting behind
some of the shops drinking
coffee and I’ve seen empty
coffee cans about. Perhaps I can
find one of these. I finally find
one, but this one has a handle
on it, like on a paint can, but it is
completely clean, and almost
new, so I take that can and I also
find a lid for it. I think: “This is
going to be perfect for the fish”.
I head back to a cabin, and I
believe we are staying at a cabin
there, and now, in my mind, I can
picture the cabin, with a large
front porch, and you have to go
up some steps to get to the
porch, and I am going to transfer
the fish and water from the cup
to the can...I wake up.

Second Dream
This morning I woke up around 7:
30, went to the bathroom, then
went back to bed and fell asleep
and had this second dream. I am
going to a restaurant, and just
as I am about to enter the
restaurant, who should walk out
of the restaurant as I am going
in, but Phil, Jose and somebody
else, but I can’t picture who it is
right now. It might be Larry
Evans. As we walk by each
other, I say “Hello” and they
respond, but Phil is ignoring me
completely...like I don’t even
exist. I walk in the restaurant, sit
down, then the waiter comes
around and gives me the menu.
Just then, Phil walks back into
the restaurant and comes to sit
next to me. He is wearing the
same old clothes, his burgundy
sweater and long pants, etc. I
ask him why he completely
ignored me when we walked by
each other.
He gives me a flimsy excuse
which basically is that I was loud
and he was embarassed to
acknowledge me. (Can you
imagine!?). At that stage, I
proceed to read him the riot act
and explain to him that I am what
I am, and he is snotty and there
is no reason to be like that. He
is sitting down, and meanwhile,
there is a Chinese girl (I think
she is Chinese) who sits next to
me, perhaps in the next booth
and she is leaning over towards
me and she asks me a rather
strange question. “Are you two
brother and sister?”, she asks.
At this point, I don’t think I hear
her right, and so I ask her to
repeat the question and she
asks the same question again.
How strange I think...then I ask
her “Which one do you think is
the sister? (ha ha, at this stage, I
laugh a little)”. Meanwhile, the
waiter comes back and I don’t
think the Chinese lady answers
the question because of the
interruption. The Chinese lady is
very young, probably in her
early twenties, short, and has
very short hair and I think she is
wearing glasses. Now a young
Chinese man comes by with
champagne and he starts to fill a
cup at the edge of my table. I am
thinking that is for me and I say:
“Is that for me?”. But actually, I
think this young man is not a
waiter, but perhaps the husband
or boy friend of the lady I’ve
been speaking to. Then, they
both get up and leave, taking
their champagne and cup with
them. I wake up.

DREAM fifty-five...

Tuesday Morning, Aug. 28, 2011
I woke up at around 5:14 AM this
morning and recorded this
dream before going back to
sleep. I am somewhere in a
house, perhaps my home in
Maine. From the top floor, I think
my bedroom, I hear the sound of
voices. It is the other
inhabitants (guests?) who are
leaving and going out. They are
heading for the car. I rush
outside and say: "Where are you
going?" They respond that they
are just going out. "But you
didn't even tell me you were
leaving and going out!? I don't
want to stay alone." So one of
the guests come back and
comes up to me. We are friends
and he is sympathetic. Well they
all come back and wait for me.
Meanwhile, I am going through
some old clothes, but I find a
nice shirt to wear.  So I try on
this shirt and it fits pretty well
and I decide to wear this to go
out. I remember the shirt being
kind of "loud" and it reminds me
of that shirt that Ed gave me
once, sort of silky and brightly-
colored.

DREAM fifty-six

Today is Wednesday, the last
day of August: August 31, 2011

In this dream, I am going for an
interview for a teaching job and
my father is with me and he is
driving me to the location. The
dream is still vivid in my mind
even over 6 hours later. We
have difficulty finding the way.
Route 1 rests vividly in my
memory and we check the map
and see that there is a Route 3
fairly close by and another
Route 3 much further on. I don't
remember exactly which route
we take, but we choose one and
we are on our way We arrive at
the home (or maybe a school)
and I am ready for the interview,
but the secretary informs me
that the Principal (?) is busy
interviewing someone else and
asks that I have a seat and wait.  
I am finally asked to go into his
office. He is a big burly man,
handsome, and he is sitting at
his desk and he starts to
interview me. He lights up a
cigarette and asks me a few
questions.  He wants to know a
little about myself. I oproceed to
tell him in a nutshell that I was
born in Maine, joined the Air
Force, spent some time in San
Francisco in the military,
finished my college at SFSU and
aopplied for a teaching job in
Australa and taught there for 4
years, returned to SF, then
moved to L.A. where I taught for
the LAUSD for over 28 years. At
one point, I tell him I have to go
to the bathroom, and he points
to the corner of the room and I
piss in what I think is the toilet,
but it is exctually some kind of a
pot that he may have brought
back from  his travels. I am of
course embarassed and I am not
sure what happens next but we
are standing up and he starts to
caress me and I am excited, but I
stop him from hoing any further
and explain that we could do
this later, hoping that we would
continue, but after he hires me.
He porbably is horny now and if
we did sex now, he may not hire
me later. The next scene takes
place on his ranch where we are
riding horses. He is not sure I
am capable, but I have had the
experience and ask him if the
horse has a sensitive mouth in
reference to his bit and how
sensitive the horse may be. That
is the end of this pleasant
dream.That is the end of this
pleasant dream.

DREAM fifty-seven

This is my second dream. I am
somewhere looking at my home
from the outside and this is
another home not one of the
homes I already own. There is a
lot of activity going on in the
area, construction and a lot of
people around. As I look at my
house, I notice a large opening
on the side of the house, near
the eave on the right. There is a
family of birds nesting there and
I see the parent bird and its
brood, two chicks I think. They
are exotic birds, multicolored
and bright. I now must find
someone to remove the nest
and birds and fix this hole. I go
inside the house and I notice
that there is a workman doing
electrical work. There is is loud
music blaring in different parts
of the house and when I try to
turn off the music in the
different rooms in the house
and I ask the technician to turn
the sound off. I notice that
certain rooms in the house have
puddles of water and I am
bewildered by this and I am told
that there was a fire in a house
next to mine and the fire
department doused the flames
with hoses and some water
came into my home. The next
thing I am doing is looking for
Joy Towe's phone number so I
can call her and get a referral
from her for  one of her
workmen to come to my home
and take care of the birds
outside and take care of the
hole. I believe I then wake up

DREAM fifty-eight

I dreamt this dream on Aug. 25,  
2011
In this dream I am at school,
perhaps it is at Mount Vernon
and I receive a complaint from
Jennifer Burton and Mrs.
Genevieve Taylor who attended
a piano recital or some kind of
concert and they complain about
the pianist and I am in charge of
the recital ...the complaint is
about the pianist who was
"abusing the piano" and also in
this same  dream, I am walking
around and I probably go to the
cafeteria and get some
spaghetti which is a popular
dish there and I have a plate of
spaghetti and I have my roll and
I have my napkin and I am
walking around and there is
snow on the ground and I slip
and drop my plate of spaghetti
and I make a fool of myself. That
is pretty much the essence of
the dream.

DREAM fifty-nine

This morning, I woke up after a
dream and I remembered part of
it. I dreamt "blah, blah, blah...see
it's recording now. This is
probably just testing my iphone
"italk recorder"

DREAM sixty

Today is Sunday, August the
28th, 2011. I am somewhere by
the seashore, near a bait shop,
and I am with a group of people...
maybe it's family? I don't know.
What we are doing is gathering
fish or maybe crustaceans in the
pools of water by the seashore.
We have containers, including
cups to get the sealife. The
object is to take the fish home.
At one point, I see a whole lot of
different fish, some of them
being large fish in the pools,
and I catch a large fish and put it
in the cup which just barely fits
in the cup that I have. Now I
have the fish in the cup, but as I
am handling the fish, it bites me
and draws just a little bit of
blood. The fish seems to be
almost tame. Now I need to get a
bigger container because this
fish is to big for the cup. Now AI
am going around this little town
that I am in and go to different
shops and restaurants and what
I am looking for are those metal
coffee cans, empty discarded
ones that I am so familiar with,
since I am a big coffee drinker. I
remember seeing an empy one
at some point. I go in one
particular shop and I find one,
but it is actually maybe an empty
paint can with a handle, as most
paint cans are prone to have. It
is clean and as I said, has a
hancle, and so it will be perfect
to put that fish in. As I am
looking around, I also see a top
for the coffee can. Now I have
my empty and clean paint can
with a top  and am going to what
may be the cabin where we are
staying and I am going to put the
fish in the cup into the paint can
with water. The last scene is on
the porch of the cabin...and then
I wake up from this dream.

DREAM Sixty-one

I've had another dream on the
same day as the dream above,
Dream Sixy,
I woke up on Sunday, Aug. 28th
at about 7:30 AM and had this
dream just before waking up. I
awoke earlier, went to the
bathroom and went back to
sleep and dreamt that I am in a
restaurant and as I walk in, who
should walk out of the
restaurant at the same time, but
Phil (Dessert) and he is walking
out of the restaurant with his
friend Jose, and there is a third
person with them, but I cannot
remember who this third person
is - he has slipped my mind -
Jose and the third person say
"Hello" to me, but Phil is
completely oblivious of me, and
he doesn't even look my way. He
just walks out of the restaurant
without greeting me. I proceed
into the restaurant and I sit
down.  I am waiting for the
waiter so I can order my food.
Then the waiter comes around
and hands me the menu.
Meanwhile, Phil comes back into
the restaurant. He comes and
sits next to me and he is
wearing the "same old clothes",
his burgundy sweater and long
pants, etc. I say to him: "Why did
you ignore me when you were
walking out? You did't even look
at me." Then he replies that this
is a restaurant and I was
shouting at him (which I don't
remember doing). "Boy you sure
are fussy!", I tell him. As we are
sitting there, this Chinese girl
who is sitting next to my booth,
behind me,  and she asks me a
very strange question: "Are you
brother and sister?" She didn't
ask if we were "brothers", but
rather "brother and sister".  At
first, I didn't think I heard her
right.  And so I reply: "Excuse
me". And she asks again: "Are
you brother and sister?",
pointing to Phil and I. I think to
myself that that is strange. Then
I ask here: "Well, which one of
us do you think is the sister?"
(Here I laugh at the question". I
don't remember what her reply
is. I think the waiter then comes
back, and perhaps she didn't
have time to answer.
Meanwhile, this Chinese man
comes over and he is short and
there is a cup at the side of the
table where I am sitting and he
fills the cup with champagne
and I ask him if that champagne
is for me. Now I have been
thinking that this man is the
waiter, but he is actually the
husband of the Chinese girl that
sat in the booth behind me. Or
maybe he is the boyfriend. (I'm
not sure). Now they both get up
and leave...and that's the end of
the dream.

DREAM Sixty-two

This dream occurred on
Saturday, Sept. 3rd, 2011. I am
living somewhere, but am not
sure where, and I have a friend
visiting me. I have a beautiful
dog, but am not sure of the
breed, but he has a big round
face and is really a beautiful
dog. And I also have small
animals in my home that look
like...dinosaurs. Yes, you heard
me right...DINOSAURS!. When it's
feeding time, I give  my dog his
food and water and the
dinosaurs have their own (very
strange isn't it?) bowl that's part
of their make-up. I put water in
the bowls and I use a scoop, or
ladle (Here I kind of snicker...
heh, heh) and pour the water in
the bowls. At one point, my
friend is going out and instead
of using the regular front door,
where the steps are, but I tell
him to be very careful because
once he opens the door - it's a
sliding glass door - I tell him that
there are no streps to the
outside and there's a drop
there. And then my friend makes
a joke about...about sleeping
with someone is a sin. I don't
know what the punchline is, if
there is a punchline, but in the
dream his comment makes sin,
but I don't quite remember the
exact words.  The double
entendre there means that two
guys sleeping together is a sin,
but...anyway...that's the end of
the dream.

DREAM Sixty-three

Today is Friday, Sept. 10, 2011
and the dream I had is that...oh
this is strange, but Abby, from
NCIS is flying to my home. I think
she is a doctor in this dream and
not a forensic scientist likre in
the series on TV. She is going to
operate on me. I can just picture
her in the plane and in the back
of the plane,  is a boat, er, some
kind of a rubber boat, in case
she falls into the sea, I guess,
so she can get on the raft in
case the plane goes down, and
meanwhile, (I don't know how
this is related), but it's time to
eat and I'm looking in the
refrigerator, and I'm going
through frozen foods and I don't
know if I had to do it (prepare a
meal?), but there's somebody
else in this dream, a younger
person, a woman. Maybe it's my
mother...I don't know. But I
notice that some of these
foods...you put them in the
oven, you bake them, but you
put a paper towel, you wet the
towel, and put the towel over
the food. I've never heard of
doing this before...then I wake
up.

DREAM Sixty-four

Sunday, Sept. 11, 2011
In a school, where everybody is
walking in a huge yard, and
we're trying to rush to get
somewhere, perhaps heading
away from danger, and at one
point, somebody is right behind
me and they are walking quickly
and step on my heel, behing me,
and as I look back, I see this girl
there and I recognize her from
somewhere, and for some
reason, I never really thought
she was a nice girl. She usually
gets into trouble (perehaps one
of my past students?) She
immediately moves over and
acts like she hasn't done
anything, like she didn't walk on
my heels, but I realize then that
she did this on purpose. I
remember distinctly going up to
her and saying: "You know, you
may not think much of me, but I
think...I'm not quite sure what I
said, but "You may not think
very much of me, but I'm very
important.", something like that.
End of dream.

DREAM Sixty-five

On this same day, Sunday, Sept.
11th, I had a second dream. I am
driving somewhere, I'm not sure
where, and I'm going down a
steep hill and there are cars on
each side of me, and I think later
on on my drive I end up in San
Francisco, and while in the City,
as I am driving (something that I
rarely ever do, since I prefer to
park my car and walk mostly in
the City), but in this particular
dream, I am driving and I see an
old church, to the left as I am
going up a steep hill. At this
point, I am going up the hill,
whereas just before, I was going
down the hill. So I decide to
stop, turn in the driveway and
go visit this church. It happens
that, and I don't know if this is a
weekend or a weekday, but here
are people going in and coming
out of the church. They are
apparently holding a service.
Now I said I was driving in a car,
but NOW, as I approach the
church, I'm on a bike. I have to
put my bike somewhere. I can't
just bring it in the church, and
on the right side of the church
(and this is an old Gothic-
looking church) is a man, a
funny-looking man, outside and I
think he is escorting people in
the church,  and I approach him
and ask: "Where am I going to
put my bike?" Then he shows
me a spot and I put my bike
there, then I go into the church.
In the church, oh it's hard to
explain,  but it's really old and
dilapidated, and there are
people sitting there and there is
a Mass going on, and I don't
quite recall what goes on next.
But I do recall that before I
leave (but I don't stay for the
service), I want to pick up one of
these bibles that are located in
the in the back of the pews, and
I almost do it, but I think the old
man that helped me to come into
the church that helped me to
find a spot for my bike, may be
watching me, and I don't want to
be caught leaving with a bible
under my arms, so at this point, I
leave the church get my bike
and I don't know what happejnss
next...I think that's the end of
this dream.
(NOTE: Something similar
happened at the church I attend.
At one time, I wanted to take a
hymnal and I was trying to find a
way to take a new copy which
was in front of me in the pew in
the church, Saint Andrew's), but
I felt so guilty about doing it,
that I asked one of the ushers if
I could't take the hymnal and he
says I can, and so I feel better
about doing it honestly.)

DREAM Sixty-six

Today is Sunday the 25th, 2011
and I dreamt that I am walking
along and I come across
children playing outside a home.
I see an old home, overgrown
grass, an old porch, and there
are children, aged about 5 to 8
years old, about 4 or 5 of them
playing outside. I do not see
adults around and I am curious,
and so I approach cautiously
and ask them what they are
doing. I then go inside, always
looking for an adult and not find
any adults, but I see more
children and I realize that this is
a sort of school, where is the
teacher, or any adult for that
matter? I am in what looks like a
classroom and I hear some of
the children humming and
singing. I ask them to sing the
song for me and they do so, but
half-heartedly. I ask them to
concentrate and sing loud so I
can hear them clearly. I think
they then sing a beautiful song
with beautiful words. At this
point, I believe the adult comes
along. He is the teacher and his
actions now come into
question...how could he leave
this school and all these
children on their own. He is
liable...I wake up.

DREAM Sixty-seven

On Saturday, October 8, 2011



This morning, Saturday, Oct. 8th,
2011, I dreamt a very short
dream, or at least, I can only
remember part of it. I dreamt
that our street here is part of a
Community Program, like a “
Homeowners Association”,
similar to the one that I belong
to at Bar D in Colorado, or
similarly to Manfred’s
Association where he lives in
his “Condo/Apartment Complex”
in San Francisco. The two men
across the street, Randy and
John are in charge of the
"Homeowners' Association" and
we have an altercation at one
point and they come to my home
regarding an issue (which I
cannot remember right now. I
get so frustrated that I want to
punch the big guy Randy in the
face, because I'm so mad at him.
We have had a falling out, going
back a few years, but the
neighbors across the street,
Frances and her husband Carl,
are also at odds with them, I
think, because of the two men's
dog being a nuisance to them.
Anyway, that is pretty much the
main part of the dream. As I try
to look back at the dream a few
minutes ago, that is all I can
remember of the dream.

DREAM Sixty-eight

(There has been a few days
since I last wrote down some of
my dreams. The reason is not
because I have not dreamt, but
rather because I did not take the
time to write the dreams down
nor to record them. I dream just
about every time I go to bed and
I am recording my dreams, those
that I can remember, just
because I think it is a good
exercise and because I find it to
be very interesting.)

I dream that I am living in a big
old house with many other
occupants and I believe that
some of them are also teachers
and they also teach at the same
school that I teach at and it is in
the morning and everybody is
scrambling to get ready for
work. In this dream, I
concentrate on two individuals
and I. We are getting ready to go
to work and I think we work at
the last school that I taught at
before I retired, Thomas Starr
King Middle School. I am looking
for a lunch to make and I find on
the table some sandwiches
already made, but I must find a
bag to put my lunch in. By the
way, the sandwiches are kind of
"soggy", but I don't have time to
make any. I am looking in
drawers and cabinets, and then
one of my colleagues finds a
bag but it is kind of "greasy",
but I put my sandwiches in the
bag anyway. I say: "We're going
to be late...we'd better get
going" I remember when I was
teaching at Thomas Starr King,
the big problem with getting
there a little late was that you
could not find a parking place
because every place on the
campus that you could park your
car was always occupied.
So we set out and I know we will
be late, but we have no choice. I
think that living in this old
house I just mentioned is a new
event, because my schedule is
not what it usually is, that is,
getting up at a certain time,
bathing, having breakfast, etc.
As I am driving to school, I take
the same route that I had taken
for almost 4 years to King MS,
on the 2, then off at Fletcher,
but in this dream I am driving
what seems to be a bus, a
multicolored bus, and I am high
up in the driver's seat so that I
cannot see the road clearly, and
as I exit the freeway onto the
Fletcher ramp, as I turn left, I am
straddling the two lanes and
there is a car to my left and one
to my right and I barely avoid
hitting one of the cars. At this
point, I notice that the CAR ON M
Y RIGHT IS A COP CAR! The last
thing I remember saying in my
dream is: "uh ho...I'm going to
get a ticket..." End of dream.

DREAM sixty-nine

Today is Sept. 14th, and it is
Wednesday. I dream that I am in
a shelter, sort of a shelter, I
believe, and I am staying on the
2nd or 3rd floor, or maybe it's
the 4th floor in the building. I am
in bed and a dog comes in, sort
of like a pug, or maybe it's a little
bulldog. And the manager of this
place, which is like a dormitory
where people come and sleep.
Well, there is a dog there and I
call him and he comes over to
my bed and I start petting him,
but after a while, I want him to
go away because he is
bothering me. Now the owner is
a friend of mine, well kind of a
friend, in a way - I want to say it's
Bruce Zisterer, my tax shelter
man...it's someone of that
caliber. He's a friend, yet not a
friend, maybe just an
acquaintance,  and I don't think
we get along that well, and when
I see him I ask him: "Can you
take that dog away?". And then
he responds: "Oh no...you
wanted him over; now you keep
him. He is your responsibility."
Next, we get into a "tish" or an
argument. I don't know what
happens after that.

DREAM Seventy

Today is Thursday, September
the 15th, 2011 and I have quite a
few appointments to go to today:
doctors' appointments. Last
night I dreamt and I am dreaming
that I am going to town and I
have a carload of students and
there is a woman that I think may
be the principal of the school.
Now we're driving along, and I
don't know how this happens,
but I have my motorcycle with
me, but I'm still driving in a car,
and I don't know if we are towing
the motorcycle, and the next
thing is that she is trying to get
on the motorcycle to start it, but
she is actually on the street
trying to push the motorcycle
(only in a dream can this happen!
( in order to get the motorcycle
going and now she's on it and
(My God!) the motorcycle takes
off and everybody's worried.
"What the heck is going to
happen to this woman. She
looks like she's going to fly off
the motorcycle. Now my
intention is to park the car and
go to the library with the kids. I
think she is very impressed with
me, taking the kids to the library
and all. She thinks I am doing a
good think by taking the kids to
the library and exposing them to
some research and all. The next
scene in my dream is when I am
trying to find her and it reminds
me of a scene when I was in
Barcelona, Spain, walking down
these bizzare little narrow
streets with shops on each side
and also small hotels, so I am
looking for her and I get to this
place where I think it is a garage
or a house  and everything is
white and I can see her at the
end and I don't know if she is
still riding the motorcycle or just
pushing it still. That motorcycle
is a heavey mother too! And
then this woman comes out and
the place seems to be only for
women only, maybe a restroom
(?). Now I can't go in there, but
meanwhile I go next door
because I need to go to the
bathroom. The building is a very
strange structure. I think it is a
bathroom, but when you go to
the urinals, everything is plastic
and you have to put your...er...
pee pee (hehehe) in a hole and
pee through it, and pee in this
container-like structure, but it's
all  made of plastic...that's pretty
much all I remember of the
dream. I probably had to get up
and pee at this stage of the
dream.

DREAM Seventy-one

Today is Thursday, November 2,
2011. I had this dream last night:
I am in somebody's home and I
don't know if there any kids in
the house, just adults, I think. I
dictated this dream on my
iphone, in an app called "Dragon
Dictation". It is quite an
application. You dictate and the
application translates your
words into text. It is not that
accurate. You have to be very
precise in your dictation. This
dream is being typed from this
dictation, and so it is not very
accurate. Besides the part of
the dream above, from what I
can make out from the dictation
is that...the adults in the house
have all sorts of toys and one of
these is a sushi machine which
somehow has to do with a
rocket ship and it has "shoots
out you know the various
missiles" (which statement does
not make much sense, but I am
reading from the dictated
material.) End of dream

DREAM Seventy-two

This dream is not in sequence
with the preceding dream, but I
am nevertheless including it
here and may change it later.

Dream on Oct. 5, 2011

In this dream that I had last  
night, I am going into a theater
and I'm walking in and I walk in
looking for two leather jackets
that was left behind. Perhaps
somebody else was with me
when the leather jackets were
left behind, hence two leather
jackets. As I walk into the
theater, there is no activity
going on, no film nor show. It
seems to be a pause in
entertainment. I see two
cowboys sitting there, two very
nice-looking guys. I think they
are watching me. I see them
sitting on the right side, but I
make my way to the left side
because that's where the
jackets were left. I think I make a
mistake when I go to that side
because there are two guys
sitting there and they don't look
at all friendly. One of them says:
"What do you want?". I say to
them that I am looking for
leather jackets, and I do this
apologetically. At this stage of
the dream, I remember that they
start giving me trouble and so I
start to leave and they get up
and start following me. I try to
get out of there as fast as I can. I
don't know exactly what they
want, but they eventually catch
up to me. I'm not sure where,
either in the lobby, or at the
entrance to it, and it looks pretty
bad because they may beat me
up. Before anything else
happens, I wake up.

DREAM Seventy-three

October 5th 2011
This is a rather long dream. I
went to bed at midnight and
dreamt. I had the most bizarre
dream. I try to eat well at night
before bedtime and the night
before the dream, I had a salad
and crackers which was very
good to do, but as usual, I ate
something else, a ham sandwich
with tomatoes and cheese.
That's after eating the salad. I
also nibbled on trail mix. That's
is the problem I have at night,
my intention is to eat early, have
a good meal, then go to bed at a
decent time, but I always end up
by eating too late and too much.
The reason I am writing this all
down is to explain this bizarre
dream I had. I'm going into the
country, in this dream, and I
don't know if I'm alone or with
someone else. Actually when I
think back now, I think my sister
Doris is with me in this dream.
She wants something...but in the
drive to the country, we are
going to visit Jackie who is Paul,
my older brother's daughter,
adopted daughter from his
marriage with Joanne.  Jackie is
an interesting person. When I
went home for my brother Paul's
70th birthday celebration, I got
to know her a bit better. I think
we have all "snubbed" her at
one time because she is
"promiscuous"...I don't know,
but that is because we are a bit
"prudish" in the Laliberte family.
I guess we think that way
because she's had several
boyfriends and kids from a few
guys. Anyway, in this dream I am
going to visit her with Doris.
Jackie lives on an estate in this
dream. It is an incredible
chateau set amongst hills, and
as you go into the chateau, it is
filled with halls and full of
people. This dream probably has
elements from a program that I
had just seen before going to
bed, a documentary on
cathedrals of the world.  In the
program, they show how these
cathedrals were built, each
successive one, rising higher
and higher into the skies. The
documentary shows how some
of these cathedrals were
sometimes built unsafe and
even in some instances, the
cathedral roofs would collapse.
Well this is probably the reason
that the estate she lives on is so
elaborate. Maybe I transferred
this particular stucture from the
documentary to the dream.  Now
getting back to my sister and
something that she wants.
Whatever it is, I refuse to give it
to her. It's like a "hairbrush" that
she wants, but the hairbrush
has been used so much that it's
starting to lose many of its
bristles. As I use the brush, it's
falling apart and I try to put the
pieces back together and as I
give it to her, I set it on a table
as I enter a banquet hall, in this
huge mansion. Now in one
scene, I see people sitting down
and I am looking for a place to
sit, but as I'm walking toward the
food, I see Jackie coming out of
the kitchen holding a huge pot
of rice and she is about to put
the rice in what looks like a
cauldron filled with a mixture of
hamburger and seasoning, with
its own juice, but as she is lifting
the pot of rice to put it into the
other pot, she drops it into the
other pot. As the contents fall
into the hamburger and
seasoning juice pot, some of the
contents spill and fly out and
somebody close to the pot gets
burnt. I want to say the person
who gets burned is Bridget,
Jackie's younger sister. Bridget
is wearing a beautiful outfit and
the juice splashes all over her
and burns her and now she's
waving her finger at her sister,
in a very punitive manner
because she blames her sister
for burning her and soiling her
dress. A very strange dream this
was. I can remember walking
outside the mansion and I see
another structure which looks
"Gothic" pretty much like the
Gothic Cathedrals that I saw in
the documentary before the
dream. This other structure is a
grand old "Gothic structure"
and I ask somebody nearby:
"Who lives there?".  He
responds that she (Jackie) is
trying to rent it. He says "the
family" and so I imagine he
means Jackie and her boyfriend
or maybe her husband? He tells
me it is a building owned by a
"contesa" maybe, I don't know,
but they're trying to sell it or
rent it. That's pretty much all I
remember about the dream.
When I wake up, I have an
episode of "GRD" which I have
had for a while and so, I get up
to take a pill.

DREAM Seventy-four

Sunday Aug. 28, 2011

Last night I dreamt that I am
somewhere by the ocean, in a
bait shop and I am with a group
of people...I don't know who,
maybe it's family.  What this
group and I are doing is getting
containers and we are going to
the pools along the rocks near
the ocean to gather fish. We
want to scoop up with our cup
water and fish and put them in
the containers. We want to
collect the fish and take them
home. At one point, I see a
whole lot of different fish in a
pool and I see one and I scoop it
up in the cup and he just barely
fits in the cup. At one point, I
handle the fish and it bites me
and it draws just a little bit of
blood. It seems almost...how
shall I put it...almost tame. Now I
need to get another container
because this fish is just too big
for this container. I look for a
container and walk around this
little town that I'm at. I am going
around shops and restaurants
and what I am looking for are
empty coffee cans, discarded
coffee cans, and I remember
seeing one at one point, so I go
there and I find one. Actually it
may be a paint can because it's
got a handle and it's clean. I
figure it will be perfect and as I
am looking around, I also see a
top to it. So now I have a clean
paint can with a handle and a
top. Now I head back to what
looks like a cabin where we are
staying at. I'm at the cabin on the
porch and I am now going to put
the fish that I have in the cup
into the can....that's pretty much
all I remember from this dream.

DREAM Seventy-five

August 28, 2011

I woke up this morning and went
to the bathroom and returned to
bed and had another dream.  At
about 8:00 AM. In this dream I am
at a restaurant and as I walk into
the restaurant, who should walk
out at the same time...? Phil.
He's with Jose and there is a
third person with him. I look at
them and greet them, but Phil
completely ignores me. He
doesn't even look my way.  I  go
in and sit down ready to order.
Then  the waiter comes along
and gives me the menu.
Meanwhile, Phil  comes back in
and he sits right next to me. He
is wearing the"same old
clothes", his burgundy sweater
and long pants and so on. I ask
him: "Why did you ignore me?"
He says something about this
being a restaurant and you were
shouting.  Well I don't remember
doing that, but I tell him basically
that "that's just me". Meanwhile,
there is a Chinese girl that has
come to sit right next to me. She
is real close to me and she asks
(this is very strange): "Are you
two brother and sister?". At first
I didn't think I had heard her
right. I say: "Excuse me?" and
she repeats the question: "Are
you brother and sister?" as she
points to Phil and I. At this point
(I laugh a little here...hee hee) I
ask her: "Well who do you think
is the sister?" I'm not sure what
happens after that. I don't
know... maybe the waiter comes
back. She doesn't have time to
answer. Next this short Chinese
man comes over and I think he's
the waiter. He fills a cup with
champagne. I ask him if that
champagne is for me, thinking
he's the waiter, but he's actually
the husband or the boyfriend of
the Chinese girl. Then they both
get up and leave. And...that's
the end of this dream.

DREAM Seventy-six

(An eight-minute dream)
Oct. 5, 2011)

Today is Oct. 5th and it is about
midnight. I went to bed at about
ll:45 PM and I had the most
bizarre dream. That evening I
had a salad around 7:30 which is
a good thing to do: eat healthy
and not too late. HOWEVER, as
usual, I ate just again just before
going to bed. I do this all the
time. I eat a good meal, then I
eat again and again just before
going to bed. This is a habit I
must stop. Anyway, I had a ham
sandwich with cheese and
tomato which was after the
salad.  I also had some trail mix
in between the salad and
sandwich. I just eat too much.
The reason I am sharing my
"eating habits" now is to
explain  perhaps the reason I
had such a bizarre dream. I am
visiting a country, I'm not sure
where, but my sister Doris is
with me. There is something that
I have that she wants. I'm not
sure what it is. I think it is when
we were younger. In this
country, we are going to visit
Jackie, Paul's (my older brother)
elder adopted daughter from his
previous marriage (2nd
marriage) to Joanne. Jackie is
an interesting person, someone
that we have not always had
much respect for because she
is not stable, been married a few
times, no husband, several
children from different men, etc.
Her lifestyle has always been so
"foreign" to our way of thinking
(the Lalibertes). But she is a
good soul. In this particular
dream I am going to visit her.
She is living on an estate, in an
incredibly huge "chateau". As
you go into the building, it has
huge rooms, with halls and many
bedrooms and high ceilings
throughout. There are also many
people there. This dream may
have been, in part, part of a
result of a program that I saw
just before going to bed. It was
a documentary on the great
cathedrals of Europe. Some of
these cathedrals were Gothic
structures and the building in
the dream that we were visiting,
I believe, was a huge Gothic
structure also. The documentary
was very interesting. It
explained how these cathedrals
were built higher and higher,
with much competition amongst
the religious orders in different
towns throughout Europe, like
France for example. Often, in
their zeal to build higher and
higher structures, the architects
and contractors built unsafe
structures which sometimes
ended in disaster and even
collapse.  Perhaps this is why
this part of the dream includes
this incredibly large chateau.
And so, I am there and as
mentioned earlier, there is
something going on with my
sister who is also there with me.
There is something that she
wants and I refuse to give it to
her. I think it's a hairbrush. The
hairbrush has been used so
much that it is falling apart with
some of its bristles missing or
coming out of the brush. I try to
put these "patches" of bristles
back together, then I give her
the brush and set it on the table.
People are seated at the table
and I am also looking for a place
to sit and also look for the food
to see what will be served. At
this point Jackie comes out of
the kitchen carrying a huge pot
of rice.  She is about to put  the
rice from this pot into a huge
cauldron which has a mixture of
hamburger, seasonings, and
juice. But as Jackie is about to
pour the rice into the cauldron,
she drops the heavy pot into the
cauldron and some of the
contents, especially the juices
splash out of the container.
There is someone near enough
to get soiled and burned. I think
that person is Bridget, Jackie's
younger sister. Bridget is
wearing a beautiful dress and
some of the mixture splashes all
over her dress. She now is
waving her finger at her sister
in a very punitive manner. This
was a very strange dream. Let's
see....what else can I remember
about this dream? Well I'm
walking around and now I'm
outside the building and off to  
the right, I see another building.
It also looks like a Gothic
structure, probably again
influenced by the documentary I
saw before going to bed. It is a
grand building and I ask
someone: "Who lives there?". I
am told by this man that the
family is trying to rent it. The
"family" that is trying to rent the
building is actually Jackie. The
building is owned by...I don't
know, I think it is a Contessa.
This lady is trying to sell the
building or rent it. This is pretty
much my dream. When I wake
up, I have a slight problem with
my GRD, which is not bad. It
occurs sometimes. I realize that
I did not take the Pantropazole,
medicine which is a pill that
controls the influx of gastic
juice into the esophagus. And
so I take the pill and that is it for
this dream.

DREAM Seventy-seven
Sept. 11, 2011

I am visiting somewhere, but not
sure where, but I am driving
somewhere in a school where
everybody is walking like in a
big huge yard and everybody is
rushing to get to somewhere.
Maybe people are seeking to
get away from danger. At one
point, someone is walking
directly behind me and they walk
on the back of my foot and as I
look back, I see this girl there,
somebody I recognize from my
past, someone that I didn't think
was very nice. She immediately
moves over and acts like she
didn't do anything wrong. Then I
realize that she has done this on
purpose and I remember going
up to her and saying: "You
know, you may not think much of
me" and I don't remember
exactly what else I said to her,
but "I think I'm very important"
which I said, something like that.
And that's all I remember about
this dream.

DREAM Seventy-eight

Sept. 11, 2011

I am visiting somewhere in this
dream, but I don't quite
remember where. Now I am
going down a steep hill and
there are cars on each side of
me...later on in the dream, I am
in San Francisco and as I am
driving, which is something I
usually never do in SF. I usually
just park my car somewhere and
walk preferably, but in this
particular dream, I am driving
and I see an old church. It is to
the left of me as I go up the hill.
Earlier, I was going up the hill,
now I am going downhill. I
decide to drive into the
driveway and go visit the
church. It happens that many
people are going in and out of
the church. I don't know if this is
on a weekday or weekend. I
think they are holding a service
in the church that day. I said I
was driving, but now as I
approach the church, I am now
on a bike. I have to put my bike
somewhere...I can't very well
bring it in the church. On the
right side of the church, and this
is an old Gothic-looking church,
is a man, a funny-looking man,
outside and I guess he may be
an usher, escorting people into
the church. I approach him and
ask him: "Where can I put my
bike?" He shows me a spot next
to where he is standing where I
can park my bike. And so I put
my bike in that spot. I enter the
church and inside (it's hard to
describe...it's really old) it's
dilapidated but there are people
sitting there and there is a Mass
in progress, but I don't quite
recall what goes on next. But I
do recall that before I leave, and
I haven't intended to stay for the
service, I want to pick up one of
these bibles that are in each
pew.  I almost do it, but I think
the old man outside may be
watching me and I don't want to
be caught furtively taking a
bible out of the church. Anyway,
I go out, get my bike, and I think
I leave. I'm not sure because the
dream seems to end there.
(This reminds me of an incident
that occurred lately where I
wanted to take a hymnal out of
my church, Saint Andrew's, but
could never bring myself to do
it, and so I asked the usher if I
could and he said: "OK".)

DREAM Seventy-nine
August 9, 2011
I had a dream where Abby, from
NCIS  is flying to my location
because she is going to operate
on me. In this dream, she is on a
plane and in the back of the
plane is a boat, a rubber boat,
which is there in case the plane
goes down and she falls into the
sea, then she can get on the
raft. Meanwhile (I don’t know
how this is related) it’s time to
eat, and I’m looking (yawn, yawn)
through the refrigerator and
going through frozen foods and
I don’t know if I have to prepare
my meal, or somebody else.
There is somebody else in this
dream, a younger person, a
woman, maybe my mother (I
don't  know). But I notice that
some of these foods have to be
put in the oven, bake them, but
you have to put a paper towel
over them, a wet paper towel.
I've never heard of that before.
That’s pretty much all I
remember from this dream.

DREAM Eighty
Sept 3, 2011

In this dream on Saturday, Sept.
3rd, I am dreaming that I am
living somewhere, I’m not sure
where, but I have a friend
visiting. I have a beautiful dog,
but I’m not sure what breed he
is. He has a beautiful round
face, a very beautiful dog,
And…I have small animals that
look like…DINOSAURS! Yes you
heard me right. When it’s
feeding time, I give my dog
water and food, but the
dinosaurs have their own bowls
which is part of their make-up.  I
try to put water in the bowls and
I use a scoop, like a ladle, and I
take the water and put it in the
bowls. At one point in the
dream, my friend is going out
and instead of using the front
door which leads out to steps,
he goes out the side door and I
have to tell him to be very
careful because when he goes
out the side door, which is a
sliding glass door, he has to be
careful, because there is a drop
outside, no steps. Then he
makes a comment to the effect
that: “Sleeping with someone is
a sin”. I don’t know what the
retort to this is, but the meaning
seems to be that two guys
sleeping together is a sin…I
don't know what the outcome is
because I wake up.

DREAM Eighty-one

This dream takes place on Oct.
12, 2011.
I had some really strange
dreams today. In one dream I am
living with a whole group of
people in a home. I think most of
us are teachers. In one point in
this dream, I am heading off to
school. The day is quite chaotic.
There are people all over, food
on the tables, that we are trying
to get together for our lunches.
We need to make our lunches
for school. I’ve managed to
make our sandwiches and now I
am looking around for some
bags to put our lunches in. I’m
looking everywhere in
cupboards, drawers, on top of
counters, etc. Then somebody
shows me a bag, but it looks
kind of greasy. Anyway, I manage
to get all the lunches done and
now I’m rushing off to school.
And now, (cough cough), I’m on
the way to school, with two
colleagues with me. But I am
sitting way up high in a bus and I
recognize the area. I’m heading
for Thomas Starr King, my last
Middle School that I retired
from. As I get off the freeway, I’m
on this bus way up there.
Apparently, I must be driving
because I am in a narrow street
and I have to watch my driving,
because there is a car on my
left, then on my right. I can’t see
the road very well. I notice that
the car on my right happens to
be…A COP! At this point I say:
“Well here we go now…I’m sure
he’s going to pull me over and
give me a ticket. I don’t know
what happens after that. I wake
up. I dreamt other dreams, but
I'm not sure what they were. I
was going to play tennis this
morning, but I stayed in bed
until 8:00 AM, a beautiful day. It
would have been great for
tennis, but I decided not to play
today.

DREAM Eighty-two
Monday, Oct. 17, at 7:26 AM
In this dream, I am staying at a
hotel and I’m traveling and I am
going through the hotel, going
up the floor looking for this
person. I go up to the 7th floor
and I am walking around and
looking for someone in rooms,
looking for this particular
person, but I am not having any
luck finding this person. This is
a fancy hotel. I go to the soda
machine, a coke machine, and I
put in my money, a quarter, so
this must have been a long time
ago when soda was so cheap.
Out comes this can which is
misshapen, in the shape of a
triangle, not a circular can, and
the can is almost empty. There’s
not much soda in it. There’s
something definitively wrong
with it. So I go to the front desk
to ask for my money back.
Meanwhile there’s this scene of
many nuns around, but they look
like they are “gay”, like the
Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence,
a group that started off in SF,
and they are all dressed in white
and they have heavy makeup
and they are all “milling” around,
maybe near the coke machine,
and I don’t know if this is in the
same dream. Now I see an old
woman, like an old “hag”
dressed in a print dress, with
high heels and a floppy hat. I
think she is being interrogated
by someone in the hotel. Then
along comes another woman
almost dressed like her, like a
twin, and both of them look very
strange. That’s pretty much all I
remember of the
dream…besides, I have to go to
the bathroom.

DREAM Eighty-three

(2nd dream on Mon. Oct. 17th,
2011)
I’ll be leaving on the 19th to go
to SF. The reason I mention this
is because I believe that dreams
occur for reasons that are
somehow related to “waking
incidents”. Anyway (cough,
cough), I think this dream is part
of the same dream or dreams
that I have had this Monday. I am
traveling with a friend, I think an
ex-lover. For some reason, I
want to say Joe Borrero. But in
this dream, he seems to be a
much bigger handsome man. We
are going all over…and I think
he’s driving. At one point, he
almost hits people in a
crosswalk which is very well
marked. He’s driving erratically,
and that’s when he is driving.
But later on we are now walking
and as we are walking, he tells
me that he wants to stop off in
SF which is really not part of our
plans for this trip and it entails
more expense. I am hesitating
about this side trip and he looks
very upset. As we’re walking, I
want to hear more about this
trip. Now we stop off at a
furniture store and part of the
store is “open air” and perhaps
it’s a flea market; I don’t know.
But there are plenty of  chairs to
sit down on and we sit down on
two comfortable chairs. Again, I
want to know why it’s so
important that we stop off in SF.
I think we have bought tickets to
go overseas and have plans to
travel to different places. We
are supposed to fly and land at a
particular place, perhaps Los
Angeles? But he wants to stop
off in  SF and I suspect, (and I
know he’s going to get
angry…he had a terrible temper)
that he will be very upset if I don’
t go along with this change of
plans. But he insists that it is
very important to return to SF. I
suspect that this has something
to do with when he was with his
ex. I’m sure he has had quite a
few exes. I know when we broke
up he had several people he
was seeing, and so I don’t know
exactly what the story is here.
And that’s all I remember about
this dream.

DREAM Eighty-four
Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011

I’m dreaming that we are
gathering at a location where we
are going to go on a long hiking
trip. I am with someone, a tall
man, but I’m not sure who he is.
As we get to what seems to be a
border, the border guards direct
people down certain paths.
When we both get there, this
friend and I, are directed to the
path that leads to China. We are
both surprised at this, but we
are both happy that we get to go
to China. This is a short dream
and that’s all I remember of this
dream.

DREAM Eighty-five
Nov. 7, 2011 at 7:30 AM
I’ve had a few dreams this
evening. In one dream, I am in a
store, shopping around, and I
pick up a pack of cigarettes,
which is unusual because
usually these are behind the
counter, but I pick up a pack of
cigarettes, and I put them in my
pocket and I just walk out of the
store, which is very strange,
because I never do that…I
usually pay for them. Then in
this same dream, I am staying
somewhere, in a hotel, or a
boarding house, and as I enter
my room, I notice that there are
two people already in the room.
(hold on a minute, I’ve got to
check something here. I’m
looking for something here. I
think I’m looking for the mike).
So, I’m not very happy about
where I’m at, because where I’m
at there are two other people
staying in the same room.
Although there are three beds,
it doesn’t look like it’s going to
be very comfortable. I now look
for the owner and when I find
her, I ask: “Are there any other
rooms?” and she brings me to
another room and I tell her that I
think this accommodation might
be better. Then she proceeds to
start spraying the pillows and
the bedding and with a sponge,
she starts wiping down part of
the bedding. I ask her what that
is and she says: “Oh, they’re
bugs…bedbugs. We have to get
rid of them.” After this, I ask her
if she has another room. Now
she shows me another room.
This is a nice long room, with a
bathroom, shower, and I think
even a little kitchen. In the back
is the bed. This room seems
much better than the three
rooms I’ve seen so far. This
sounds like “Goldilocks” trying
to find the most comfortable
room, or in her case it was the
most comfortable bed, but I am
trying to find the most
comfortable room. I think that’s
pretty much it for this dream.

Bits of Dreams
There are many dreams that I
have had where I remember just
bits and pieces, but, according
to the book I am reading,
“Dream Sight”, by Michael
Lennox, dreams are part of a
phenomenon, or a process
called: “Collective
Unconscious” where there are
certain universal characters and
occurrences which are
universal. For example, some of
the dreams, I realize, are related
to incidents in my waking life.
One such dream had to do with
a friend of mine, actually a Club
member (PCMC, Pacific Coast
Men’s Club) where I had offered
my home for him to stay in
because he had to move out of
his apartment and didn’t have
anywhere to go. Unfortunately
he doesn’t have a car and so his
staying here would have been
difficult since he is going to
school in the San Fernando
Valley and Pasadena is not
easily accessible to his college
and everyday activities. He
would have had to take  public
transportation and that would
have been a hardship for him. I
speak here in the past tense,
because he was fortunate
enough to find someone else to
put him up nearer to where he
lives. But in a dream, he was
staying here and he used my
motorcycle to get around. But in
my dream, I had to make sure he
had a license to ride a
motorcycle and in one part of
the dream, he actually rode the
bike and did OK.
In another dream, just recently, I
dreamt that I was living in a
home and I would put up some
kind of a sign on one of my
windows to signal for some one
to come into my room when I
was ready because the person
and I would have sex.
Every night, I have dreams but I
don’t always feel like recording
them or getting up to write them
down. The phenomenon of
dreams can sometimes be
explained by events that have
just occurred in “my waking life”
and therefore are not such a
mystery.

Dream Eighty-six

Today is Thursday, Nov. 10, 2011
I had a very bad evening...I did
not
sleep very well and had to get
up a
few times and eventually got
back to sleep. All in all, I did not
have a good night's rest. I did
have a dream, a rather sad
dream. I am traveling with my
siblings, Paul, Doris and
Richard. I'm not sure where we
are in the dream, but before the
dream, I was thinking of them.
Unfortunately, I have not kept
much in touch with my brothers
and sister, especially with
Richard because of something
that happened with him and his
"shrew" of a wife, Helena. I don't
want to talk to them anymore. I
will discuss the situation, the
occurrence, at a later date. The
last time I went home to Maine
and stayed with Doris, I was not
very happy. I am always
uncomfortable in her home
because she sticks me in a little
room with hardly any room to
move because it's really a
storage room for her. I am not
looking to going back home to
Maine again, probably never. I
don't talk to Doris much on the
phone anymore. I guess I just
want to be pretty much on my
own. Things have changed quite
a bit between them and I. I've
never communicated much with
Paul and I just don't seem to
"give a damn" anymore. I've
been thinking of them in my
"waking state", so maybe this is
why I had this dream about
them. In our travels, it seems
like Paul and Richard are
"conspiring" to do something.
We're all traveling together and
visiting places, but the two of
them want to take off together
and go somewhere else, but
there not including me, nor
Doris, I think. As the dream
progresses, I try to find out
where they are going. There are
other elements in the dream,
but I can't think of them right
now. End of dream.

An Incident with Richard and
Helena

About three years ago, Richard
informed me that he and Helena
were planning a trip to
California, way up north for a
short time where they would
stay in a cabin, part of their Time
Share. I just assumed and took it
upon myself to drive up there
and spend a few days with them.
The drive up took about 9 hours.
I made sure not to be too
"intrusive" and decided to come
up and meet them the day after
they got there to give them time
to relax, find their
accommodations, etc. I asked
him how long I should stay and
he kind of left it up to me and so
I thought maybe 2 or three days
would be enough. I had planned
to take them out to a nice
dinner. Well, as I said the trip
lasted a good 9 hours, but finally
made it up there and met them,
almost accidentally, in a little
town near Bodega Bay. I settled
in with them in their cottage and
later on that evening, we went
out to a nice restaurant and I
treated them to dinner. I should
mention at this point, that
Helena was her usual self, glum
and not too friendly. Anyway, the
next day, we went sightseeing. It
is a beautiful area up there and
we saw some beautiful sights
especially near the coast. We
are visiting and at this point, we
haven't had lunch and it is about
noon, so I mention have a bite
to eat. Richard agrees with me,
and as we are visiting these
little coastal villages, we are (me
especially) looking for a
sandwich place maybe where we
can get something to eat. Now I
don't think there is anything
wrong with this. At this point, it
is past 1:15 PM and I am getting
hungry. As I am coming out of a
small restaurant, I notice they
are fighting, or at least, she
seems very upset. Right there in
the main street of this little
town, she eventually (Helena)
comes down on me and starts
shouting: "You know, Richard
and I planned this trip and you
come along and spoil it...words
to that effect." She continued
and basically was telling me that
I interrupted their trip. Richard
kept on saying, loudly: "Helena,
what are you talking about? Why
are you like this? We've been
doing what you wanted to do."
I'll say this now and I believe
this from the bottom of my heart:
I made a fool of myself, but
what's worse, they, or at least
she, MADE A FOOL OF ME! At
this point, I wanted to just about
cry and certainly leave. She
pouted for the rest of the day
and we hardly, all three of us,
said anything to each other. I
left very early the next day. I
could hardly wait to get away
from them. Oh yes, Richard is my
brother, but as long as he's
married to her, I want nothing to
do with either of them. I am still
very hurt from all this and I
believe this is over two years
now and I have not spoken to
either of them since.

Dream Eighty-seven

Tuesday Nov. 15, 2011

Today I have an appointment
with Dr. Kanhlou, a very
important appointment and I
don't want to miss that. He is
such a nice man. Before I went
to bed last night, I took a
sleeping pill, which is not really
a sleeping pill, and I believe I
have taken "sleeping pills"
maybe 3 times in my life. I don't
want to get addicted to those
tablets. I guess I haven't been
sleeping too well, and so I
decided to take this sleeping
pill. In this dream, I am traveling
and...well in one part of the
dream I am driving along and I
puff on a little pipe, maybe a
cigarette, or grass...I'm not sure,
but all of a sudden, I am so high!
Now I'm not driving, but I am
going to a home and as I get into
the house, I can hardly walk. As I
enter the home, it looks like it's
a convalescent home. There are
people all around, but it is dark
inside and there are plants all
around. Now there are chairs
here and there, and somehow, I
stumble over to a chair and I sit
down. Now there is someone in
charge here, but he does not
bother me, although I think he
knows I'm a little stoned. It does
seem like I'm really high on
something and I can hardly
move. Now I sit down and just
relax. In another part of the
dream, I am traveling with
someone...Doris I think. There is
somebody else with us. I'm not
sure who, but it may be Angela.
We end up going somewhere,
and it seems to be the same
home, the convalescent home
and now the workers are
feeding everyone, but we
brought a big sandwich with us
and maybe some chips? While
they are feeding everybody,
they take our sandwich and
meanwhile we are sitting down
conversing with people. They
take the sandwich, cut it up in
pieces, then start serving
people. They serve Doris and
Angela (if it is her...I'm not sure),
but they don't give me any of the
sandwich. Meanwhile,
everybody else is being fed.
Everybody is eating away, but
nothing is brought to my part of
the table. I'm getting hungry and
I ask someone: "Where is my
part of the sandwich?" Well,
somehow they have given it to
someone else and I'm still sitting
there with nothing to eat.
Finally, the worker starts
bringing other dishes which is
what they are serving
everybody else. These people
are characters. Again, I think we
are in a convalescent home and
the inmates have just finished
singing a song, while beating on
their instruments like drums and
playing their guitars. I wish I
could describe some of these
"characters". In one particular
scene, this man is playing away
on his guitar and he's got a
buddy sitting next to him, and
he's also playing a guitar, then
they start singing a duo and he
puts his arms around him, in a
"buddy manner", and as I look
around the room, there are all
sorts of men and women who
are staying in this home. Finally
they bring me some food and it
is pretty much what the others
are eating...I don't know...
vegetables and other dishes. I
finally get to eat.

Dream Eighty-eight

Wednesday, Nov. 16, 2001

I went to bed around 10:30PM  
and by about 11:00 PM, I was
sleeping soundly and dreamt
and woke up around 1:30. I went
to the bathroom, had a cigarette,
and am now dictating the dream
that I had. It is still very clear in
my mind and that is why I am
dictating the dream into my
iphone via an application called:
"Italk". I am in a house, with
stairs, a big house. The house is
John's house (my ex, John
Lewis) and his lover is away.
John is wearing a very nice pair
of pants and a nice shirt. He is
kind of dressed up because he's
having company over. I'm there
and I still have feelings towards
him. But his lover is away and I
kind of picture him as a hunky
man, a nice-looking man, but
he's away in this dream. At one
point, John mentions that his
"husband's" away and I miss
him"...or something like that. So
many things are happening in
this dream. Doris is there and
maybe --- even my parents? I
don't know for sure. She's
dressing up like a teenage, like
they use to in the 70's, and she's
wearing a short skirt and she
looks like she's only in her
thirties or even younger. At one
point, I bitchily say: "Act your
age". I don't know if she hears
my comment, but I can just
picture her wearing a short skirt
and she has her hair combed
like she had when she was in
the Peace Corps. I think she's
going out for a date and I go
upstairs where I have a bed and
it's a large room, where people
are watching TV, going in and
out of the room. John is around,
but I'm not sure now if this was
Joe Borrero. I think it's John.
Now guests start arriving and I
think they are coming for a
dinner or party. One of the first
to arrive are a large family. I
think it's Aunt Priscilla. I hug the
kids, like Elene, but she's a
grown woman and she is there
with her brothers and sisters
and all their kids. Also, Aunt
Connie is there with her kids.
Pauline is there and the other
daughter (whose name escapes
me) and I hug them also. When I
go to hug Pauline, she kind of
turns her back to me. (Claire is
the other daughter's name.) She
says she has a cold. There are
all these people there. Now I
see this man there and I say:
"Mom, how are you?" This is
strange because Mom is not
there, but this man is there and
he looks like her. I continue to
go around the room hugging
people. A neighbor from next
door comes around and he
seems upset because of all the
noise going on. I'm not sure who
this person is, but one of the
guests visiting is Paul Laflamme.
He used to be one of my
classmates when I was studying
to be a priest in Bucksport,
Maine. I believe he died a few
years back. I've never really
gotten in touch with the whole
group, although one of the
seminarians, Maurice Loiselle,
whom they called "Stretch" has
tried to organize the group via
email, but my pride does not
allow me to be a part of this
effort. At one point, I went home
and we had planned to meet
Maurice Loiselle, with Doris
coming along, but had to change
the day to the following day, and
we got excuses to the effect
that they couldn't see us. They
were too busy. Well, I looked at
this this way: "I've come all the
way here and you can't make an
effort. Well, buddy, you have
just missed an opportunity...TO
SEE ME AGAIN! See ya."  Well I
have digressed here...back to
the dream. The reason I have
gone back to my seminary days,
is because one of the
seminarians, Paul Laflamme was
there. I see him very clearly in
this dream. Now getting back to
the dream, I see all the
relatives, aunts, daughter, sons
and their kids. They are such a
big group, that they come...(heh,
heh) in a Uhaul. There is a Uhaul
parked in the drive and I see
kids on the roof and all around
the vehicle. I see someone
getting ready and that person is
wrapping gifts at a table. This
must be around Christmas time.
I think this is all I remember of
the dream. (this recorder I am
using is a neat application on my
iphone. I have just paused the
recording). I am now going to
take two pills I bought just
recently called "Somnapure"
which I picked up at CVS. I hope
this helps me to get back to
sleep. I want to play tennis
tomorrow. It seems like I can't
sleep straight through anymore.
I am always getting up to go to
the bathroom and getting back
to sleep. The other day I took a
sleeping pill called:
"Donapazole" which is a heavy
duty sleeping pill. I don't want to
start getting hooked on these.
Another thing I remember about
this dream is that I go out on my
own, walk around the house,
out, up the hill and I don't know
why I go out...to smoke?
Probably. I have been smoking a
lot lately. When I come back, for
some reason, I don't have  my
shirt, my Tshirt. John comes into
the room and I'm a little
embarrassed, because I don't
want him to see me without a
shirt. As I said, I still have
feelings about him. Things are
not the same as they were, of
course, but I just don't want to
walk around in his presence
without my shirt. So I'm looking
for my Tshirt and I see what I
think is a Tshirt on the table, and
as I go to pick it up to put it on, I
realize that it is not a Tshirt, but
rather a cloth which is the same
color as my Tshirt, gray, I think.
Some people think one doesn't
dream in color, but I think we
do...

DREAM Eighty-nine

I've just put in the date and time
for my last dream.
Thurs. Dec. 8, 2011

In this dream I see thousands of
people at a gathering and I see
Ed and I go over and sit down
next to him. Meanwhile, people
are
filing by, just going by, back and
forth, I said "thousands of
people"
which is an exaggeration
because there are actually
hundreds of
people. I see Ed talking to
someone. Then he is walking
along with
people and I watch him and he
seems to go out of sight
because I
can't see him anymore. I get up
and I want to join him because
I'm
feeling lonely (yawn yawn here).
And so, we walk and I walk and I
see him in the distance, in the
far distance. I see him
disappearing
in the distance. There are
people walking all around and
they are
walking up and down hills and in
the distance, I see lions. The
lions
are roaming around and I
assume they must be in an
enclosure.
Then all of a sudden, I see the
lions starting to chase people. In
the distance I see the lions
chasing people. Now there is
panic with
people running around, trying to
run away from the lions. In the
next
instance, I have to get out of the
way myself because I can see a
few lions heading my way. To the
right of me is a hill, an elevated
area and all along the sides of
this hill are ruins, small
buildings and
rooms in ruins. As I'm climbing
this hill, I look back and see
people
scrambling for their lives with
the lions chasing them. Instead
of
going back the way I came, I
decide to start climbing the hill. I
don't
know if that is such a good idea
because here I am alone,
looking,
stumbling, trying to climb up this
hill. The hill is sandy and full of
loose stones, and so I climb and
stumble now and then.
Everywhere are ruins, filled with
chambers, rooms, buildings,
some
with no roofs, no doors, nor
walls. I look back and I see some
of
these lions, especially one male,
coming up the hill. At this point, I
have to find a place to hide
where it's safe. Now as I look up,
I can
see a structure, a room, and out
of the room comes a lion. So
there are also lions up on this
hill. At this stage, I think I am
about to
find refuge in a room and I don't
know what good that would do,
except for the moment it would
provide safety, but I would have
to
come out eventually. Now I wake
up. This was kind of a scary
dream. I usually dream pleasant
dreams, but not this scary.

DREAM Ninety

Tuesday, Dec. 20, 2011
In this dream, I am renting a
room in a house, not sure where
the town nor where the country
is. It's a "second class" room
with a rickity bed. I rent the
room. I have forgotten a lot
about this dream, but I
remember when I came back to
deposit the keys. As I open the
door to the house, there on the
floor, where there is like a
"landing" before you go up to
the stairs, there are two women,
laying down. One looks like
she's getting ready for a burial,
with a wrinkled face, and the
other woman next to her is a
younger woman. Now this I think
is a mother and daughter who
are on the floor....EXERCISING!
They are exercising their limbs I
guess. The whole scene is
rather funny. There are some
other parts of the dream I don't
remember. I guess I should
record them at the time, but I
wake so often that I want to go
back to sleep, otherwise, I lose
too much sleep. When I get up
to go to the bathroom, I should
write the dream or record it
then, but as I just said, I then
want to go right back to sleep. I
have not always kept up with my
dreams, that is writing them
down, for quite a while, but have
started again. For every dream I
have written down here, there
are probably 6 or 8 that I have
not written down. Needless to
say, I dream constantly. I think I
have skipped a few weeks, even
months for a while because my
computer "crashed" about 2
months ago, but is now working
again. I had a problem with
sitebuilder and I have got it
working now.

DREAM Ninety-one

Today Wed. Dec. 20, 2011

Before waking up today, I had a
dream. As I am recording today, I
am going to sound a little funny
because yesterday, I went to get
my "teeth", that is my upper and
lower partials. They have done a
great job with these and it was
very reasonable thanks to the
good dental plan I have. It cost
only $125 for both partials, and
that includes all the work and
preparation for them. Anyway, I
will sound a little funny talking
until my mouth adjusts to the
new "teeth" and metal and
clamps. The technician, Jose,
told me I would sound a little
funny speaking for a while until I
get used to it. As an aside here.
Jose, the tech is an absolutely
handsome young man. I still
prefer men my age, a little
younger or older, but every now
and then, I am very impressed
with young men much younger
than me. I would not want to
form an attachment with much
younger men because
relationships don't last when
there is such a disparity in age.
Anyway, getting back to the
dream, it is now 7:28 and I am
visiting somewhere, maybe Las
Vegas, but now I'm not sure and
yet just a while ago while fresh
in my mind, I knew, but now I'm
not sure. It is a family reunion...
Doris, Paul, even Mom and Dad
are there. We did have a family
reunion in Las Vegas about 4
years ago, but Mom and Dad
were not with us of course. We
are sitting down for a meal and a
young girl is sitting next to me
(I'm trying to think who this is). I
want to say it's Angela, but it
can't be because she's grown
up now and not a girl. As I'm
sitting there, I see Doris coming
over with Richard and Helena. At
this point, I am very upset
because I guess I didn't think
they would show up. (For my
feelings regarding Richard and
Helena, see previous entry: "An
incident with Richard and
Helena".) I don't want to spreak
to either of them even though
Richard is my brother. I just do
not want to talk to them. Anyway,
I'm sitting down in a small dining
room and people are sitting at
various places. They, Doris and
the two, walk in and sit and at
this stage, I'm speaking to
someone on my left and I may be
talking to Doris. All the while, I'm
trying to avoid both of them and
do not even want to look at
them, but I glance their way and
Helena is dressed fairly nicely
and looks good from a distance.
Again I do not want to talk to
them. I'm not sure what the next
part of the dream is...I don't
know if they come over, if some
people are upset, if they come
over, if I walk away. I don't know
if at this stage, I am actually
recalling the dream or if I am
projecting. I do a lot of
projecting in my "waking life". I
will have to talk about what
"projecting" means in my case.
End of dream.

DREAM Ninety-two

In this dream, on Sat. Dec. 24th, I
am interacting mostly with this
woman and...I don't know, I'm
forgetting a lot of the dream
now, but I recall doing things
like going out on my own and as
I walk around, I see kids
standing by a fence, talking and
I recall seeing designs, maybe in
the snow, or is it grass? Right
now, things are happening,
going through my head...in this
dream, in the house, from there
I'm looking outside, from a porch
and next to the house are two
churches, side by side, and
there are artists outside
painting beautiful
"kaleidoscopes", multi-colored
and brightly-colored mosaics.
The person I am with doesn't
like them at all. What I am
remembering now is that she (?)
is going out with a man, maybe
her husband or maybe someone
she is separated from. There is
also a little boy with them. I am
left alone and I have been out
with them  on occasion. I guess I
am a guest in this lady's house
and now, she is going off with
the man and the little boy and I
am left alone. They may be going
out to do some shopping.  I
suddenly feel alone and lonely.
What shall I do now?  In the
room I'm at, there is clothes all
around me, piled up
everywhere, kind of in a tidy
way, folded in piles. I've just
come into the house from
outside and as I come in and
start going up the stairs, the
light automatically comes on and
as I reach upstairs, I say to the
woman )something is missing
here. The last mention of her
was when she was going out
shopping...anyway, she is back
in the house now): "Oh you have
a sensor to put on the lights?"
She says "No, they are not on a
timer or sensor; I turned the  
lights on when you came up."
When I was outside, with the
group of young boys who had
just finished cleaning a field, I
approached the house and I see
blue, perhaps the house is
painted blue, a very pretty little
house on a nice street, and as I
approach, I hear her through the
window saying something. I can
picture the house now: it has
three stories, with a gable, and I
think the lady lives on the upper
floor. That is pretty much all I
remember of this dream.

DREAM Ninety-three

Monday, Dec. 26th 1:30AM

If I don't record this right now, I
will forget pretty much all of the
dream. And so I am recording
this now. The essence of this
dream goes like this: I know this
man and we are kind of seeing
each other, maybe dating, and
he is a nice-looking man, a little
heavy, bearded (yawn, yawn). I
seem to picture him sporting a
brown beard. I guess he must
be pretty young since I do not
see any gray in his beard. At one
point, we are riding along on our
bicycles and we go to different
places and in one place, we are
at a museum and I see a
beautiful building with trees and
I am carrying, what looks like
one of those cases for artwork...
I guess you would call it a
portfolio to put your artwork in.
I'm carrying about six of these
large folios and I am
manoeuvring  my bike as I ride
carrying these portfolios. In this
particular part of the dream, we
are trying to decide what we are
going to do at night. My friend
has just mentioned that he has
gone out to a bar, I'm not sure
what it's called, but it's a popular
bar, maybe in SF or in PS. We
are riding along and trying to
decide what we are going to do.
I say that I will go home and
have dinner, but he hints at
going out to dinner. That seems
to be all I remember about this
dream. I think it's just a pleasant
dream.

DREAM Ninety-four

Wed. Jan. 11, 2012

This dream is out of sequence
with other dreams, but I am
writing down what I can
remember from the dream which
occurred about 6 hours ago.
First of all, I am have a lot of
trouble sleeping because I am
having to get up every 2 hours
or so to go pee. This is very
unhealthy and unusual. There is
something going on with my
body. Either my kidneys are not
working properly or I am
drinking too much fluids before
going to bed, and yet I have
been limiting my coffee intake. I
will have to talk to the doctor
about this. It is very unhealthy
because I am not getting a good
night's sleep lately.

Dream of Wed. Jan. 11, 2012

I remember parts of the dream
and in this dream, I think I am a
lover with John Davis. He is not
the heavy-set man that he is
today. In one scene, he has a
little girl and I am trying to help
her up the stairs and she trips,
falls, and hurts herself very
badly. She is bleeding on the
legs and feet. I feel so bad. I
carry in and put her on the sofa
and that's all I remember from
that scene. The next part I
remember is that John and I are
having a quarrel because I think
he is seeing someone else.
Those are the two scenes I
remember from this dream. I
must have dreamt a lot of other
dreams because, even though I
went to bed at around 10PM, I
awoke every two hours or so to
go to the bathroom. This is very
debilitating.

DREAM Ninety-five

Tonight it is now about 11:00 PM
and I had this dream: Today is
Wed., Aug. 23, 2011 and I am
going to record the basics of
this dream and go back to sleep.
In this dream, I am with Ed and
we go somewhere and when we
come back we go to visit a
friend. There are 2 girls that we
visit and in our conversation,
we start discussing something
that has been in the news
recently, something that has to
do with Gay issues. The article
mentions that groups made up
of homophobes are on the prowl
looking for people that are gay
and they will be calling these
people (I think this is the word)
"fellows" that identifies the
gays. When you think of it, all
the appellations given to us
through the years have
included: sissies, queers,
faggots, fags, etc. etc. etc.
That's pretty much all I
remember of this particular
incident, but another part of the
dream, as we are about to leave,
I get the impression that there is
something on Ed's mind and he
explains that he has made a
date with someone for that
night. And so I leave, but the
funny thing is that I drive just
across the street to where my
house is. And so, I don't have
very far to go. When I get to the
end of the driveway, as I get out
of the car, I see a light in the
house and I don't remember
leaving a light on before I left. I
get out of the car, go to the
porch and before I open the
door, somebody rushes out of
the house and I grab him and
bring him into the house. I can
describe this man: he wears
glasses, a little shorter than me,
not very attractive. I want to
know what he is doing inside my
house. I was pretty "brave" in
intercepting him as he fled the
house, but luckily, he doesn't
have a gun. He says, he came
into the house and just relaxed.
He says he didn't steal anything.
Now Ed comes in and I either
called him or he just knew there
was something going on in the
house. The intruder has a
package for us and he starts to
open it. I am actually wary about
what the package may contain,
but he opens it and it
contains......STEAKS! Strange,
but I believe that's what I said
on the recording...STEAKS. End
of dream.

DREAM Ninety-six

Sunday, Aug. 28, 6:59:43AM

I dreamt that I am somewhere
near the ocean. As I walk along,
with
a group of people, I come
across a bait shop. I'm not sure
who the
group is...maybe family? I'm not
sure. What we are doing is
getting
containers and going around to
the pools to get some fish. We
want to scoop up some water
with the fish in a cup or
container that
we have. We need to take the
fish home. Perhaps this is a
science
class going out on a field trip to
get specimens of fish. At one
point, I see a whole lot of
different fish, small and large in
one
particular pool. I scoop up one
fish and get it in my cup, but it
barely fits in the cup of water
and at one point, I handle the
fish and
it bites me and draws just a little
bit of blood, but the fish seems
to
be almost "tame". Now I need to
get a bigger container because
this fish is too big for the
container. Now I go around the
area
looking for a bigger container. I
look around near shops,
restaurants, in this town, for a
container. What I am looking for
is
maybe some coffee cans and I
remember seeing one at one
point. I see one, but it is actually
a paint can, complete with a
handle, and it is clean. I figure
that will be perfect to put the
fish and
water in. As I am looking around,
I also see a top to the can. Now I
have the can with the top and of
course my cup with the fish and
water. I return to the cabin
where we are staying at and I am
on the
porch and am ready to transfer
the fish from the cup to the
can...that's it for the dream, what
I remember.

DREAM Ninety-seven

Thurs. Dec. 5, 2011

I have just gotten up to go to
the bathroom to pee. I want to
go play tennis tomorrow, but I
don't know if I am going to make
it. I have to get enough sleep
before going to play tennis. The
dream I had was very nice and
peaceful. I dream that I have met
someone, a very big handsome
man. He has a big body, but he's
so beautiful. We are somewhere
vacationing, in the water,
swimming. He has a home,  but
here we are staying in a hotel. I
go to the bathroom and prepare
myself properly, for sex maybe?
He comes into the bathroom and
in the bathroom, we smell
gasoline because in the
bathroom, there is a small table
with a can of gasoline on top. I
have moved it a little when I first
went into the bathroom. There is
still the smell of gasoline...now, I
jump to the scene where we are
in the pool and he picks me up
in his strong hands and arms -
he is very strong. In the pool,
there is some kind of a pageant
going on and there are a troupe
of swimmers swimming all over
the place. You can stay in the
pool and these swimmers are all
over, underneath, all around
you, but anyway, my friend picks
me up and lifts me up over his
shoulders, and he throws me
into the water, and the throw is
so powerful that I am up in the
air and so far out, that when I
come down, I am at the other
end of the pool, near the edge. I
am heading for the cement of
the pool, so I manoeuvre and
just miss hitting the edge. I
finally come down into the
water, and I am able to turn to
the right and miss the edge of
the pool. So I stay in the water
with my friend, and I see him as I
surface from underneath, that
he is very frantic because he
thinks I have hit my head on the
edge of the pool. And so I see
that he is looking for me
everywhere, frantically, then he
sees me and I can see a sigh of
relief on his face as he heads
towards me. But I continue to
play the game, going
underneath the water, swimming
away from him, but close
enough so I can observe him,
while he's looking for me. And
so we continue this activity, sort
of a game. But I am so happy
with this man. I don't know his
name and I can just picture him
right now: a big man, big
muscles, balding, tall and very
handsome. Then I wake up, go
pee, and that's the end of the
dream.

DREAM Ninety-eight

Monday Dec. 9, 2011

Today I had several dreams or
maybe it was one dream in
segments. In one dream, I am at
a family's house having dinner
and they are very poor people
and at one point I am looking for
a bathroom but I think it is
outside, because I am now
outside. I see hedgehogs out
there, and it is really quite a
messy sight. I spill something
and I have to wipe it up. One of
the family members has to leave
immediately because he has a
job as a taxi driver and he has
just been called to pick up a
client. Then in another part of
the dream I am flying with
someone and this person is a
"disaster". He actually is the
pilot and the plane that we are
in is a very small plane, and as
we are flying, we fly low and
scrape walls and I don't know
what happens next because
that's the end of the dream as I
remember.

DREAM Ninety-nine

Tues., Jan 10th, 2012

I have just woken up and just
dreamt that I am by the ocean
and I see a young man and his
little boy. I have started talking
to them and have become
friendly with the two. I believe I
carry the boy and he carries me
(the boy or the man?) and I think
that's kind of strange, but we go
into the ocean and I find out that
the young man is suffering from
a very rare disease and it is very
debilitating and the tells me his
symptoms and how he has left
everything to his son and he
has made preparations because
he may not live much longer. He
says this disease affects parts
of his body and he has a
bacteria in his body that
devours parts of his body and
has to do with "gristle" that is
degenerative. I don't know for
sure, but it's something like that.
End of dream

DREAM Hundred

Thurs. Jan. 12, 2012

Today, I went to bed at about 8:
00PM and I am now awake at 10:
00PM to go to the bathroom. I
took a flomax today before
going to bed because I went to
see the doctor, my doctor, Dr.
Kahnlou and he prescribed
flomax in hopes of helping me to
sleep more and not have to get
up so often. I believe I have an
enlarged prostate that forces
me to go to the bathroom and
pee so often in the night. I
dream that I am home, perhaps
in Maine, and I am young
because my sister's there and
she is young. My father is also
there. In this scene, I am looking
for some pepsi in the house
because I am thirsty. I don't find
any pepsi in the fridge, but
there are glasses here and
there, with some pepsi in them,
half drunk. I am looking for a
bottle, and at one point, I do see
a bottle of pepsi in the fridge
and I try to pour myself a glass
of pepsi, then my father comes
along and he says, "No, that
pepsi's for Doris" and Doris gets
her pepsi and meanwhile I fill a
glass with the pepsi left over
from the glasses here and
there. I'm not sure what
happens next, but I manage to
pour myself a glass of pepsi
from the half filled glasses. My
father next get into a very bad
quarrel, an argument, and at one
point, he starts to beat me up,
hitting me, and at one point, I
taunt him and scream out loud:
"Go ahead, hit me". I think this
may be an unconscious feeling
that I "harbor" of when I was
young and I was very difficult,
always trying to get some
attention, but I only received
"bad treatment". At this point, I
remember the times I went to
visit him in Maine, when he was
alone, after Mom died. I always
felt and still do that I was always
a sore point for him. I don't think
he ever wanted to see me. The
problem is that I know he never
accepted me, my lifestyle, etc. I
tried to accept him, but I guess I
did not accept him. He was
always talking about "tits and
asses" in reference to women. I
guess that was his way of
saying: "You're not normal; look
at me, I love women's tits and
asses. I think I confront him at
one point and tell him: "Why
don't you act your age". I feel
that he thinks at his age, he's
still a young stud going around
chasing women. This was not a
very good dream.

DREAM Hundred-one
Sat. Jan. 13, 2012

I've had one of the most horrible
dreams I've ever had last night.
It
is now 12:30 AM and I just awoke
from this dream. It take place
somewhere where horrible
things are happening to
children. It is
also happening to me. It is my
father, and yet not my father. I
know
him. Perhaps this is not
happening to me. A boy has
upset his
father and the things his father
does to him are horrible. He
caches
him and he takes a knife and
starts to put slits, cuts on the
boy's
head, from his forehead to the
back of the head. The boy is in
agony and is bleeding profusely
and this man is punishing him
for,
I don't know what for, I'm not
sure. It's just horrible, horrible
and the
boy finally escapes by running
into a room and closing the door
behind him and locking it. And
now his father suffers through
some
kind of agony. It's his turn now
to suffer. I'm not sure what he is
suffering from, but he is
undergoing a terrible
experience. I think
that's all I remember from this
dream. I don't usually dream
such
terrible dreams, but I did this
time.

DREAM Hundred-two

Saturday, 1-14-2012

Well here is another dream
where I am somewhere and I
need to go to the bathroom. I
think these dreams must occur
as a result of my needing to go
to the bathroom. Oftentimes, the
facilities are not very sanitary. In
this particular dream, I am
traveling and I end up by having
to go to the bathroom. My tennis
shoes get filthy and the bottom
of my pants. I am looking for
something to clean my shoes
and pants. I'm traveling all over
the place, and I'm on my own
and things are not going too
well. I don't remember anything
else about this dream. I guess
that's about it for now.

DREAM Hundred-three

Tues. Jan. 17, 2012

In this dream, I am staying in a
beautiful apartment. There are
three beautiful apartments in
this complex. They are all on the
same floor and I am staying with
John, my ex, John Lewis. We are
expecting guests and I've been
told that I can go for an
interview for a job, a very good
job. One of the tenants, maybe
the other host...I don't know for
sure. Anyway, he, this other
host, tells me that John is
interested in one of the guests
that are coming. He's a big tall
guy. The guy next door asks me
if I wouldn't mind staying with
him and the tall guy that John is
interested in can stay with him.
John and I used to be a couple
and lived together for 13 years,
but now we are just friends in
this dream. Anyway, I have no
choice in the matter, because it
is John's apartment and we are
no longer lovers. I'm rushing
around, getting ready to go,
meanwhile, this guy comes in
and starts to converse, but I
have to leave and go to this
interview. I'm not even sure
where this interview is to take
place (yawn, yawn). I'm not even
sure if I'm going to get there in
time. Meanwhile this guy is
talking to a group of people and
I have to leave. Come to find
out, this fella is handicapped...I
think there is something wrong
with his stomach. Now he is
supposed to stay with John and
I don't know how that will work
out because of his "problem"
(I'm not sure exactly what it is,
except to say that it has
something to do with his
stomach. I leave and go for the
interview and when I return,
John brings me into his room
and he wants me to stay with
him because things didn't work
out with this guy. I don't know
what happens next...I wake up.

DREAM Hundred-four

Tues., Jan 18, 2012

I am looking back in retrospect
to a dream I had this morning. It
is now 8:20 PM and I am
recording what I remember of a
dream I had this morning around
8:00 AM. In this dream, I am
somewhere and I am with...
DIANE. She is a tall black lady
who works in OB-GYN. She is a
nurse and we play tennis
together about 2 or 3 times a
week. In this dream, we are
driving along and we come
across some road work and the
workers are doing some work
along a stone fence, and some
of the workers are working in
other parts of the complex. But
Diane gets out of the car and
starts to pull these weeds out
that are growing between the
sidewalk and this stone fence.
She is very fussy and
meticulous and is pulling all the
weeds out. I'm kind of helping
her out. I don't remember much
more about the dream, but at
one point, she takes a break and
(ha, ha, hee, hee), and takes out
a big joint and starts to smoke it,
which is very unlike Diane. I
don't think she would ever do
this. That's pretty much the
dream.

DREAM Hundred-five
Feb. 4, 2012
In this dream, I am in the desert,
and I dream the following. I have
to say that I dream pretty much
every night. I am rushing,
rushing, and I have about 20
minutes or so to pack my bags
and have to catch a flight. I have
to catch an international flight,
or a long distance flight, or
whatever, and I rush up to my
room and in the process, I drop
a pen, or a belt, or something,
and somebody is looking for that
pen, and I am in my room and I
am trying to get everything
together to catch that flight.
Now I only have about 15
minutes left and somebody
comes into my room and starts
to talk to me about the pen that
his employer lost and he's
willing to pay a lot of money for
this lost pen, but I can't deal
with these interruptions
because I have to pack and I am
trying to do this and talk to
these people at the same time,
so, I show them a few pens that I
have but none of them  match
the pen that is missing. And
now, it's a belt that they are also
looking for...I don't know,
something like that. But I am
rushing and rushing and finally, I
seem to have all my luggage
together, and as I am bringing
my cases downstairs, but the
elevator isn't working...that's
pretty much the end of the
dream. This is a very strange
dream as most dreams are.

DREAM Hundred-six
Feb. 9, 2012
It is now 7:17 AM and I have just
had this dream. I am trying right
now to record this dream before
it fades away. This is a very
strange dream. There are many
components to this dream and I
am trying to put it together. I
have come back from a trip, yes
this is another dream that
involves a trip. In this dream, I
am at school and in this dream
figures Mr. Crittendon, who by
the way, used to be a VP at
Mount Vernon while I was
teaching there. He was a heavy-
set Black man, of short stature
who, as I said, was the Vice
Principal of Mount Vernon at
one time. I have parked my car
and I think we are parking our
cars together, and then walk
over to the school, (hold on a
minute....), and...I'm continuing
right now with an interruption to
go to the bathroom, so now,
continuing with the dream, I
have come to school and parked
my car at the same time that Mr.
Crittendon has parked his, and
now we walk together and then
go to his office, or somewhere
else in the school, then we sit
down. Now I am carrying with me
a big cake and some other items
(snicker a little bit), and we visit
for part of the day, let's say, it's
in his office. Now there is
somebody else there, mayby a
student (?), and now we are
sitting down at a table, I don't
know exactly where, , but all the
while, I am thinking to myself, I
have to go back to the car
eventually, but I can't remember
where I parked my car. Now the
day is over and it's time to go,
but I don't know where I parked
my car. This dream gets stranger
and stranger, because, now I am
back in Maine. I think I am now
where my Mom and Dad used to
work at the woolen mill, and
somehow, somewhere in the
back of the facility is where I
parked my car. I can almost
picture the area, but I'm not sure
exactly where. So now, I am
walking with this big piece of
cake that I have (is seems it was
a whole cake earlier, but now it's
just a big piece of cake), and I
am also carrying some other
items, and so I am walking along,
and in front of the woolen mill, I
can see various shops. When I
was there last, to visit with my
family in Maine, I observed
changes in the facility. The
company had sold the mill and
parts of the facility had been
rented by small businesses, and
so, a few shops were now there.
Some of these small companies
were clothing stores, outlets,
gift shops, etc. At one point, as I
am walking along, I start to go
into this clothing store, and I
see some really nice clothes,
and I notice a man, who is
probably working there,
because I think he is hanging up
clothes here and there. I also
notice that he is wearing a very
nice pair of pants, a shirt and a
vest, and my attention is on the
vest, a beautiful vest that I love
and am interested in. And so, I
go to the counter to speak to
the clerk there and the clerk is a
lady who is talking to another
lady, perhaps a customer, and
then I get the clerk's attention,
and I ask her how much the vest
is, but then she tells me that
these clothes are just for
children and she says that the
store doesn't carry any clothes
for adults and then I feel very
bad about that. And so,
disappointedly, I leave the store
and am walking along, and there
is water here and there, as I
remember the woolen mill being
situated on water, but I am trying
to get to the back of this
compley where I think I have
parked my car. Now something
else comes to mind. In order to
find my car, I realize that I have
to catch Mr. Crittendon before
he leaves, so that he can help
me located the parking area
where I parked my car. I guess I
find him, and I ask him where I
parked my car, and he gives me
the directions to the parking lot
in the back of the school, but
now I'm in Maine. I don't quite
know how this all happened, but
now I continue to look for the
car and the next place I come to
in my dream, and here I think I
am pushing something along,
but I don't remember now. At
first I had a big cake, then it was
a piece of cake, and now it's
something else. Now I come
across a little shop and in the
shop I see a woman who is
working, either at a typewriter
(secretary? or perhaps she is
doing some laundry) and I notice
that everything in the room is
white, and she is wearing a cap
and is also dressed in white. (As
I recall this dream now, mostly
on my recorder, the scene
comes back to my mind, and she
looks more like she is a nurse).
As I look into the room and her
through the window, she looks
up suspiciously at me, but I keep
on walking. I feel that she is a bit
concerned about my presense
because she is alone in the
room and I am a stranger, so I
continue to walk so as not to
disturb her, but I am still looking
for my car. This whole dream
seems to be an adventure to get
to my car, but I never get to the
car. I don't know if I ever find my
car, because that's all I
remember about this dream. A
very strange dream.

DREAM Hundred-seven
Feb. 9, 2012
It is now 7:17 AM and I have just
had this dream. I am trying right
now to record this dream before
it fades away. This is a very
strange dream. There are many
components to this dream and I
am trying to put it together. I
have come back from a trip, yes
this is another dream that
involves a trip. In this dream, I
am at school and in this dream
figures Mr. Crittendon, who by
the way, used to be a VP at
Mount Vernon while I was
teaching there. He was a heavy-
set Black man, of short stature
who, as I said, was the Vice
Principal of Mount Vernon at
one time. I have parked my car
and I think we are parking our
cars together, and then walk
over to the school, (hold on a
minute....), and...I'm continuing
right now with an interruption to
go to the bathroom, so now,
continuing with the dream, I
have come to school and parked
my car at the same time that Mr.
Crittendon has parked his, and
now we walk together and then
go to his office, or somewhere
else in the school, then we sit
down. Now I am carrying with me
a big cake and some other items
(snicker a little bit), and we visit
for part of the day, let's say, it's
in his office. Now there is
somebody else there, mayby a
student (?), and now we are
sitting down at a table, I don't
know exactly where, , but all the
while, I am thinking to myself, I
have to go back to the car
eventually, but I can't remember
where I parked my car. Now the
day is over and it's time to go,
but I don't know where I parked
my car. This dream gets stranger
and stranger, because, now I am
back in Maine. I think I am now
where my Mom and Dad used to
work at the woolen mill, and
somehow, somewhere in the
back of the facility is where I
parked my car. I can almost
picture the area, but I'm not sure
exactly where. So now, I am
walking with this big piece of
cake that I have (is seems it was
a whole cake earlier, but now it's
just a big piece of cake), and I
am also carrying some other
items, and so I am walking along,
and in front of the woolen mill, I
can see various shops. When I
was there last, to visit with my
family in Maine, I observed
changes in the facility. The
company had sold the mill and
parts of the facility had been
rented by small businesses, and
so, a few shops were now there.
Some of these small companies
were clothing stores, outlets,
gift shops, etc. At one point, as I
am walking along, I start to go
into this clothing store, and I
see some really nice clothes,
and I notice a man, who is
probably working there,
because I think he is hanging up
clothes here and there. I also
notice that he is wearing a very
nice pair of pants, a shirt and a
vest, and my attention is on the
vest, a beautiful vest that I love
and am interested in. And so, I
go to the counter to speak to
the clerk there and the clerk is a
lady who is talking to another
lady, perhaps a customer, and
then I get the clerk's attention,
and I ask her how much the vest
is, but then she tells me that
these clothes are just for
children and she says that the
store doesn't carry any clothes
for adults and then I feel very
bad about that. And so,
disappointedly, I leave the store
and am walking along, and there
is water here and there, as I
remember the woolen mill being
situated on water, but I am trying
to get to the back of this
compley where I think I have
parked my car. Now something
else comes to mind. In order to
find my car, I realize that I have
to catch Mr. Crittendon before
he leaves, so that he can help
me located the parking area
where I parked my car. I guess I
find him, and I ask him where I
parked my car, and he gives me
the directions to the parking lot
in the back of the school, but
now I'm in Maine. I don't quite
know how this all happened, but
now I continue to look for the
car and the next place I come to
in my dream, and here I think I
am pushing something along,
but I don't remember now. At
first I had a big cake, then it was
a piece of cake, and now it's
something else. Now I come
across a little shop and in the
shop I see a woman who is
working, either at a typewriter
(secretary? or perhaps she is
doing some laundry) and I notice
that everything in the room is
white, and she is wearing a cap
and is also dressed in white. (As
I recall this dream now, mostly
on my recorder, the scene
comes back to my mind, and she
looks more like she is a nurse).
As I look into the room and her
through the window, she looks
up suspiciously at me, but I keep
on walking. I feel that she is a bit
concerned about my presense
because she is alone in the
room and I am a stranger, so I
continue to walk so as not to
disturb her, but I am still looking
for my car. This whole dream
seems to be an adventure to get
to my car, but I never get to the
car. I don't know if I ever find my
car, because that's all I
remember about this dream. A
very strange dream.

Dream hundred-eight

Friday Feb. 10, 2012

In this dream which is a pretty
sad
dream, I am teaching a class and
I
don't know if this is in a new
school, but it's the beginning of
the year and the students have
new books, but the situation is
disastrous. I am teaching in a
long
classroom, a rather long and
wide-
shaped classroom and I don't
know if this was a music room at
one time, but there are some
kids
way way in the back, some kids in
the middle and some closer to
me
and right next door is another
classroom  and I think this
classroom next door is a music
classroom because two of my
students go into the room to
listen to the music, so I am
everywhere in the room
frantically trying to get the  
classroom organized  and I have
to shout sometimes to the
students way in the back  trying
to  get them to bring their chairs
closer to the front of the room. I
am trying to organize the
classroom better. I am having
difficulty getting the class
started.
It is a new book we are using and
I am trying to get the class
started, trying to get their
attention so we can review the
book together. Now these two
kids that have gone to the other
room...I have to try and take their
names and one of them
volunteers his name, but the
second student refuses to give
me his name. The situation
seems
to be when I am subbing for a
teacher and I don't know the
students' names. My intention
here is to get their names so I
can
call their parents, so while I am
trying to get this second
student's
name, he refuses to give me his
name. Just then a monitor comes
into the classroom and she is a
big black girl and she says she is
coming through in case I need
her help. I ask her to take this
young man downstairs  and get
his name because he refuses to
give me his name.  I need to
make
an appointment with his parents.
So she proceeds to take him out
of the classroom and escort him
to the office. Meanwhile, there
are all sorts of things going on in
my classroom. I am trying to keep
my cool, my composure, but this
is a particularly difficult
situation.  I've never
encountered
anything like this before. I need
organization in my room. I have
always been that way. In any
teaching situation, I must have
organization and discipline in my
class. It seems here that the kids
are all over the place. So now,
the
kids in the back start bringing
their chairs forward, from way in
the back. I still have problems in
the class. For instance, the noise
level is unacceptable. There is
one kid who keeps on following
me around because I am using
her book, her textbook because I
don't see any other book around.
Meanwhile she keeps following
me around and keeps asking me
for her book. All of these things
are going on and meanwhile I am
trying to get this class organized
so I can teach a lesson. It is a
very
difficult situation and I guess you
could call this a "sad dream".
Meanwhile, as I finish recording
this dream, I cannot get back to
sleep, because I want to go and
play tennis.  I went to bed around
10:30 PM last night and I have
been up since about 4:

Other Works....Poetry