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My Site Title
| An Autobiographical Sketch |
A Bit of My Life
This is pretty much my story,
going as far back as I can
remember. What prompted this
writing is a memory of two of my
dearest friends that have
departed from my life. They went
away, both very young, one in his mid to late
twenties, the other perhaps in his early
forties.
How strange to depart from this earth so
young.
I suppose we all have to depart sometime or
other, but when you’ve lived 64 years such
as I,
it seems so short to see one live only 24
years, or
43, or whatever. It is a rather strange feeling
knowing that they are gone and I am still
here.
The other day, I had a conversation
regarding
the longevity in general of the male species
of
homo sapiens, and presently, I believe the
male
lives about 75 years. I have lived 64,
therefore, I
have about 11 years left!? It’s as if there is
still
so much to do and yet so little time to do
these
things in.
After all the work done, there will be time to
lay down and take a nice long rest. I told that
to
Aristotle and he agreed with me. He often
does
not agree with me, but when he does, it
makes
one feel real good. He studied under a good
master and taught the greatest general on
Earth,
Alexander. I had great teachers in my
younger
days and in a way, I know that the
profession is
a truly noble one…how can it not be with
such
a great Philosopher-teacher such as the
Great
Aristotle? And so life goes on while some
life is
over for some.
He came into the living room one day and
said: “Ray, I’m leaving. Read this letter and it
will explain everything. It’s just something I
have to do.” Or some words to that effect. It’s
been over three years now and I have gone
through every emotion of the human
psyche, or
soul, or heart…whatever you wish to call it.
Perhaps it is the brain that has controlled,
occasioned, induced, made possible, forced,
acknowledged, recognized, permitted,
enabled,
allowed, rejected, showed, hid, imposed,
created, refuted, burdened and so on and so
on
all of these emotions, fears, loves, dislikes,
tastes, sights and so on and so on…on me!
One year of anger, one year of reflection,
and one year of mending…but there is no
closure. A separation after 13 years is
difficult to
accept.
All my life I have been a teacher, in
preparation as a student, then as a student in
teaching. There is always learning to be
done,
always! He said: “I am not a pessimist, not
negative, and I’m not a hypocrite”. Fred
complained constantly about everybody,
everything, and especially about politics and
politicians. He was never happy it seemed.
Conversations always seemed to end in a
negative note.
Page Two
Well, a typical visit with Fred would go
something like this:
I have fixed a nice dinner, chicken, rice, a
nice salad, and now we retire to the living
room
to watch television. “Put on the news”, says
Fred. After watching the news for a while, the
inevitable comes up. “Bush has done it
again.
That man has ruined the country”. “He sure
has…we are in debt by billions, trillions of
dollars. I can’t even imagine how many zeros
that is”. “I can’t even survive with the money
I
get from Social Security. I should be getting
a
lot more. How am I expected to survive on
the
amount I get?” Well it usually starts off that
way and then Fred goes on and on about
this
country, about Bush, politicians, people in
general. I sometimes have tried to bring him
back to a more positive note, but any
contradiction sets him off. It’s always the
other
person’s fault. I don’t agree with what Bush
has
done to this country, but I don’t dwell on it
on a
daily basis. One day, I diplomatically tried to
question him on his past, his money, his
habits.
In other words, why is he living from pay
check
to pay check. Where are his savings? “The
Inevitable book or books he’s been reading.
“Ray, you should read this book I’m reading.
The author talks about the inner peace of the
soul and how to achieve this inner peace”.
You
should read it.” Every day that we have
spent
together, just about every day, he has to
mention a book that he is reading and add
that
I should read it. One day I challenged him on
his book reading and his “spiritual and
emotional progress”. I basically told him that
he
doesn’t practice what he reads. One day I
actually told him he was a hypocrite. The shit
hit the fan. He never really practiced what he
preached (read).
Well, a typical visit with Fred would go
something like this:
I have fixed a nice dinner, chicken, rice, a
nice salad, and now we retire to the living
room
to watch television. “Put on the news”, says
Fred. After watching the news for a while, the
inevitable comes up. “Bush has done it
again.
That man has ruined the country”. “He sure
has…we are in debt by billions, trillions of
dollars. I can’t even imagine how many zeros
that is”. “I can’t even survive with the money
I
get from Social Security. I should be getting
a
lot more. How am I expected to survive on
the
amount I get?” Well it usually starts off that
way and then Fred goes on and on about
this
country, about Bush, politicians, people in
general. I sometimes have tried to bring him
back to a more positive note, but any
contradiction sets him off. It’s always the
other
person’s fault. I don’t agree with what Bush
has
done to this country, but I don’t dwell on it
on a
daily basis. One day, I diplomatically tried to
question him on his past, his money, his
habits.
In other words, why is he living from pay
check
to pay check. Where are his savings? “The
young people nowadays are only interested
in
sex and going to the bars and drinking”.
“But
we had our turn when we were young”.
Then, he
starts to get belligerent. He’s had two DUI’s
and
Lord knows what he did when he was
young. He
fucked around, took drugs, got drunk, got
two
DUI’s and Lord knows what else. Again, he
constantly claims that he was never like
these
young people. And then comes the
Page Three
Inevitable book or books he’s been reading.
“Ray, you should read this book I’m reading.
The author talks about the inner peace of the
soul and how to achieve this inner peace”.
You
should read it.” Every day that we have
spent
together, just about every day, he has to
mention a book that he is reading and add
that
I should read it. One day I challenged him on
his book reading and his “spiritual and
emotional progress”. I basically told him that
he
doesn’t practice what he reads. One day I
actually told him he was a hypocrite. The shit
hit the fan. He never really practiced what he
preached (read).
Well, I was in Germany in the late 70’s and
had some of the best time of my life. I had
met
Kaul in Saltzburg, Mozart’s birthplace and
enjoyed my time there so much. A beautiful
Austrian City along the banks of the river
Salzach. It is the 4th largest city in Austria
and
is known for its Baroque architecture and the
birthplace of Amadeus Mozart. It is known
for
its Alpine setting and has been listed as a
UNESCO World Heritage Site as of 1997.
I met Kaul at a gay bar, or at that time,
perhaps it should be described as “a bar
which
had a small gay clientele”. What a beautiful
lovely city I was fortunate to visit when I
traveled the world.
Page 4
“Hello, my name is Kaul, and what is yourname?”
“My name is Ray”. And that is how I met Kaul.
Before I knew it, he had invited me
to Munich and to go with him on a
skiing trip with some friends.
“Kaul, I’d love to go, but I don't really know
how to ski…I mean I have skied before, but it
has been so long and certainly not in an area
like the Austrian Alps. Besides, I have no
skis.”
“Don’t worry…I’ll take care of your skis and
poles – I have an extra pair. There are
‘Beginner’
s Slopes’ , so you can take your time.” “I
don’t
know…” “Oh come! You will have fun”.
And so, I went with Kaul to his home, then
on to the Austrian Alps. I started very slowly
on
the flat slopes, beginner’s, of course, then
toward the end of the day, I was skiing very
conservatively in one of the most beautiful
areas
of the world. Unfortunately, I have no photos
from that time and place. I have taken many
photos in my lifetime, but that is a blank part
of
my life, somewhat, both in my mind and on
paper. Kaul worked as a manager at a
Department store called Kaufhof. I guess it
was
similar to our Department store (now
defunct),
The Emporium”. He was a short man, about
5’
2”, sweet, hard-working, and very trusting.
As
time went by, I had the best time in my life. I
lived with him, ate his food, got a job at his
Department Store as a dishwasher, but was
relieved of that duty because that particular
menial job was relegated to Turks and
Italians…NOT TO AMERICANS! After that
fiasco, I somehow got a job at a gift shop
called
“Costaria” in Marien Platz, and there I
Page Five
Well, I was in Germany in the late 70’s and
had
some of the best time of my life. I had met
Kaul
in Saltzburg, Mozart’s birthplace and
enjoyed
my time there so much. A beautiful Austrian
City along the banks of the river Salzach. It is
the 4th largest city in Austria and is known
for
its Baroque architecture and the birthplace
of
Amadeus Mozart. It is known for its Alpine
setting and has been listed as a UNESCO
World
Heritage Site as of 1997.
I met Kaul at a gay bar, or at that time,
perhaps it should be described as “a bar
which
had a small gay clientele”. What a beautiful
lovely city I was fortunate to visit when I
traveled the world.
“Hello, my name is Kaul, and what is your
name?” “My name is Ray”. And that is how I
met Kaul. Before I knew it, he had invited me
to Munich and to go with him on a skiing trip
with some friends.
“Kaul, I’d love to go, but I don’t really know
how to ski…I mean I have skied before, but it
has been so long and certainly not in an area
like the Austrian Alps. Besides, I have no
skis.”
“Don’t worry…I’ll take care of your skis and
poles – I have an extra pair. There are
‘Beginner’
s Slopes’ , so you can take your time.” “I
don’t
know…” “Oh come! You will have fun”.
And so, I went with Kaul to his home, then
on to the Austrian Alps. I started very slowly
on
the flat slopes, beginner’s, of course, then
toward the end of the day, I was skiing very
conservatively in one of the most beautiful
areas
of the world. Unfortunately, I have no photos
from that time and place. I have taken many
photos in my lifetime, but that is a blank part
of
my life, somewhat, both in my mind and on
paper. Kaul worked as a manager at a
Department store called Kaufhof. I guess it
was
similar to our Department store (now
defunct),
The Emporium”. He was a short man, about
5’
2”, sweet, hard-working, and very trusting.
As
time went by, I had the best time in my life. I
lived with him, ate his food, got a job at his
Department Store as a dishwasher, but was
relieved of that duty because that particular
menial job was relegated to Turks and
Italians…NOT TO AMERICANS! After that
fiasco, I somehow got a job at a gift shop
called
“Costaria” in Marien Platz, and there I met
some very nice people.
young people nowadays are only interested
in
sex and going to the bars and drinking”.
“But
we had our turn when we were young”.
Then, he
starts to get belligerent. He’s had two DUI’s
and
Lord knows what he did when he was
young. He
fucked around, took drugs, got drunk, got
two
DUI’s and Lord knows what else. Again, he
constantly claims that he was never like
these
young people. And then comes the
(To be Continued.....)
This is pretty much my story,
going as far back as I can
remember. What prompted this
writing is a memory of two of my
dearest friends that have
departed from my life. They went
away, both very young, one in his mid to late
twenties, the other perhaps in his early
forties.
How strange to depart from this earth so
young.
I suppose we all have to depart sometime or
other, but when you’ve lived 64 years such
as I,
it seems so short to see one live only 24
years, or
43, or whatever. It is a rather strange feeling
knowing that they are gone and I am still
here.
The other day, I had a conversation
regarding
the longevity in general of the male species
of
homo sapiens, and presently, I believe the
male
lives about 75 years. I have lived 64,
therefore, I
have about 11 years left!? It’s as if there is
still
so much to do and yet so little time to do
these
things in.
After all the work done, there will be time to
lay down and take a nice long rest. I told that
to
Aristotle and he agreed with me. He often
does
not agree with me, but when he does, it
makes
one feel real good. He studied under a good
master and taught the greatest general on
Earth,
Alexander. I had great teachers in my
younger
days and in a way, I know that the
profession is
a truly noble one…how can it not be with
such
a great Philosopher-teacher such as the
Great
Aristotle? And so life goes on while some
life is
over for some.
He came into the living room one day and
said: “Ray, I’m leaving. Read this letter and it
will explain everything. It’s just something I
have to do.” Or some words to that effect. It’s
been over three years now and I have gone
through every emotion of the human
psyche, or
soul, or heart…whatever you wish to call it.
Perhaps it is the brain that has controlled,
occasioned, induced, made possible, forced,
acknowledged, recognized, permitted,
enabled,
allowed, rejected, showed, hid, imposed,
created, refuted, burdened and so on and so
on
all of these emotions, fears, loves, dislikes,
tastes, sights and so on and so on…on me!
One year of anger, one year of reflection,
and one year of mending…but there is no
closure. A separation after 13 years is
difficult to
accept.
All my life I have been a teacher, in
preparation as a student, then as a student in
teaching. There is always learning to be
done,
always! He said: “I am not a pessimist, not
negative, and I’m not a hypocrite”. Fred
complained constantly about everybody,
everything, and especially about politics and
politicians. He was never happy it seemed.
Conversations always seemed to end in a
negative note.
Page Two
Well, a typical visit with Fred would go
something like this:
I have fixed a nice dinner, chicken, rice, a
nice salad, and now we retire to the living
room
to watch television. “Put on the news”, says
Fred. After watching the news for a while, the
inevitable comes up. “Bush has done it
again.
That man has ruined the country”. “He sure
has…we are in debt by billions, trillions of
dollars. I can’t even imagine how many zeros
that is”. “I can’t even survive with the money
I
get from Social Security. I should be getting
a
lot more. How am I expected to survive on
the
amount I get?” Well it usually starts off that
way and then Fred goes on and on about
this
country, about Bush, politicians, people in
general. I sometimes have tried to bring him
back to a more positive note, but any
contradiction sets him off. It’s always the
other
person’s fault. I don’t agree with what Bush
has
done to this country, but I don’t dwell on it
on a
daily basis. One day, I diplomatically tried to
question him on his past, his money, his
habits.
In other words, why is he living from pay
check
to pay check. Where are his savings? “The
Inevitable book or books he’s been reading.
“Ray, you should read this book I’m reading.
The author talks about the inner peace of the
soul and how to achieve this inner peace”.
You
should read it.” Every day that we have
spent
together, just about every day, he has to
mention a book that he is reading and add
that
I should read it. One day I challenged him on
his book reading and his “spiritual and
emotional progress”. I basically told him that
he
doesn’t practice what he reads. One day I
actually told him he was a hypocrite. The shit
hit the fan. He never really practiced what he
preached (read).
Well, a typical visit with Fred would go
something like this:
I have fixed a nice dinner, chicken, rice, a
nice salad, and now we retire to the living
room
to watch television. “Put on the news”, says
Fred. After watching the news for a while, the
inevitable comes up. “Bush has done it
again.
That man has ruined the country”. “He sure
has…we are in debt by billions, trillions of
dollars. I can’t even imagine how many zeros
that is”. “I can’t even survive with the money
I
get from Social Security. I should be getting
a
lot more. How am I expected to survive on
the
amount I get?” Well it usually starts off that
way and then Fred goes on and on about
this
country, about Bush, politicians, people in
general. I sometimes have tried to bring him
back to a more positive note, but any
contradiction sets him off. It’s always the
other
person’s fault. I don’t agree with what Bush
has
done to this country, but I don’t dwell on it
on a
daily basis. One day, I diplomatically tried to
question him on his past, his money, his
habits.
In other words, why is he living from pay
check
to pay check. Where are his savings? “The
young people nowadays are only interested
in
sex and going to the bars and drinking”.
“But
we had our turn when we were young”.
Then, he
starts to get belligerent. He’s had two DUI’s
and
Lord knows what he did when he was
young. He
fucked around, took drugs, got drunk, got
two
DUI’s and Lord knows what else. Again, he
constantly claims that he was never like
these
young people. And then comes the
Page Three
Inevitable book or books he’s been reading.
“Ray, you should read this book I’m reading.
The author talks about the inner peace of the
soul and how to achieve this inner peace”.
You
should read it.” Every day that we have
spent
together, just about every day, he has to
mention a book that he is reading and add
that
I should read it. One day I challenged him on
his book reading and his “spiritual and
emotional progress”. I basically told him that
he
doesn’t practice what he reads. One day I
actually told him he was a hypocrite. The shit
hit the fan. He never really practiced what he
preached (read).
Well, I was in Germany in the late 70’s and
had some of the best time of my life. I had
met
Kaul in Saltzburg, Mozart’s birthplace and
enjoyed my time there so much. A beautiful
Austrian City along the banks of the river
Salzach. It is the 4th largest city in Austria
and
is known for its Baroque architecture and the
birthplace of Amadeus Mozart. It is known
for
its Alpine setting and has been listed as a
UNESCO World Heritage Site as of 1997.
I met Kaul at a gay bar, or at that time,
perhaps it should be described as “a bar
which
had a small gay clientele”. What a beautiful
lovely city I was fortunate to visit when I
traveled the world.
Page 4
“Hello, my name is Kaul, and what is yourname?”
“My name is Ray”. And that is how I met Kaul.
Before I knew it, he had invited me
to Munich and to go with him on a
skiing trip with some friends.
“Kaul, I’d love to go, but I don't really know
how to ski…I mean I have skied before, but it
has been so long and certainly not in an area
like the Austrian Alps. Besides, I have no
skis.”
“Don’t worry…I’ll take care of your skis and
poles – I have an extra pair. There are
‘Beginner’
s Slopes’ , so you can take your time.” “I
don’t
know…” “Oh come! You will have fun”.
And so, I went with Kaul to his home, then
on to the Austrian Alps. I started very slowly
on
the flat slopes, beginner’s, of course, then
toward the end of the day, I was skiing very
conservatively in one of the most beautiful
areas
of the world. Unfortunately, I have no photos
from that time and place. I have taken many
photos in my lifetime, but that is a blank part
of
my life, somewhat, both in my mind and on
paper. Kaul worked as a manager at a
Department store called Kaufhof. I guess it
was
similar to our Department store (now
defunct),
The Emporium”. He was a short man, about
5’
2”, sweet, hard-working, and very trusting.
As
time went by, I had the best time in my life. I
lived with him, ate his food, got a job at his
Department Store as a dishwasher, but was
relieved of that duty because that particular
menial job was relegated to Turks and
Italians…NOT TO AMERICANS! After that
fiasco, I somehow got a job at a gift shop
called
“Costaria” in Marien Platz, and there I
Page Five
Well, I was in Germany in the late 70’s and
had
some of the best time of my life. I had met
Kaul
in Saltzburg, Mozart’s birthplace and
enjoyed
my time there so much. A beautiful Austrian
City along the banks of the river Salzach. It is
the 4th largest city in Austria and is known
for
its Baroque architecture and the birthplace
of
Amadeus Mozart. It is known for its Alpine
setting and has been listed as a UNESCO
World
Heritage Site as of 1997.
I met Kaul at a gay bar, or at that time,
perhaps it should be described as “a bar
which
had a small gay clientele”. What a beautiful
lovely city I was fortunate to visit when I
traveled the world.
“Hello, my name is Kaul, and what is your
name?” “My name is Ray”. And that is how I
met Kaul. Before I knew it, he had invited me
to Munich and to go with him on a skiing trip
with some friends.
“Kaul, I’d love to go, but I don’t really know
how to ski…I mean I have skied before, but it
has been so long and certainly not in an area
like the Austrian Alps. Besides, I have no
skis.”
“Don’t worry…I’ll take care of your skis and
poles – I have an extra pair. There are
‘Beginner’
s Slopes’ , so you can take your time.” “I
don’t
know…” “Oh come! You will have fun”.
And so, I went with Kaul to his home, then
on to the Austrian Alps. I started very slowly
on
the flat slopes, beginner’s, of course, then
toward the end of the day, I was skiing very
conservatively in one of the most beautiful
areas
of the world. Unfortunately, I have no photos
from that time and place. I have taken many
photos in my lifetime, but that is a blank part
of
my life, somewhat, both in my mind and on
paper. Kaul worked as a manager at a
Department store called Kaufhof. I guess it
was
similar to our Department store (now
defunct),
The Emporium”. He was a short man, about
5’
2”, sweet, hard-working, and very trusting.
As
time went by, I had the best time in my life. I
lived with him, ate his food, got a job at his
Department Store as a dishwasher, but was
relieved of that duty because that particular
menial job was relegated to Turks and
Italians…NOT TO AMERICANS! After that
fiasco, I somehow got a job at a gift shop
called
“Costaria” in Marien Platz, and there I met
some very nice people.
young people nowadays are only interested
in
sex and going to the bars and drinking”.
“But
we had our turn when we were young”.
Then, he
starts to get belligerent. He’s had two DUI’s
and
Lord knows what he did when he was
young. He
fucked around, took drugs, got drunk, got
two
DUI’s and Lord knows what else. Again, he
constantly claims that he was never like
these
young people. And then comes the
(To be Continued.....)